I have emetaphobia and I need help

[LouLou0505]

So I've had emetaphobia for 20 years since I was a little girl. I've worked really hard over the years and I'm now fine when someone else is sick from normal things like drinking, travel sick, food poisoning you know all those kind of things. It's sickness bugs that are my issue.

My son is 3 and every day is torture! I avoid soft plays and if someone tells me they are ill I won't see them for weeks.

The biggest issue I have is with nursery. He only goes a couple times a week but I spiral every day until I feel like we're in the clear.

I honestly don't know what to do. It's completely ruining my life and my sons. I just want to hide away at this time of year.

I envy parents who can just drop their child off at school or nursery and just get on with the day. I'd love to see the D&V sign on the door and just be like ah ok and carry on.

But no, I panic, I stop eating, I struggle to sleep I just don't know how to function anymore.

Does anyone else feel like this? Or has anyone felt like it and now feels better?

I've had so much CBT which has helped with my issues around eating and feeling sick from that but it's just the fear of sickness bugs that is ruining my life.

Have you considered medication for anxiety?

Solution-focused hypnotherapy. You will need to pay privately, but you’d probably only need a few sessions. Most hypnotherapists can do online sessions now, so you’ll be able to find someone who specialises in working with phobias, though all of them will have experience. Much more effective than CBT, which for some reason the NHS trips over itself to recommend even when other modalities would work better.

What is the worse thing you think will happen?

No advice as I was like this with dcs.
It's so hard it really is.

I've been prescribed medication twice but I couldn't bring myself to take it due to side effects 🙃

Ive paid £££ for hypnotherapy and it sadly has done nothing for me! Worked straight away for my brother for something else.

I think the main issue with hypnotherapy for me is that I can't switch off so I end up just repeating every single word that's said in my head

I've gone through this is CBT, and I honestly don't really know. I think it's the lack of control. I've not been sick myself since I was 7 and I'm 30 now, so I have no idea how I will act, or what to do when my son is sick as so far he never has been!

I know I won't die, I know it won't be as bad as I think I just have no idea why I'm such a mess all the time 😔

It's truly evil isnt it 😔 did you just find the exposure helped?

I was like this before with any sick but after dealing with my husbands hangovers and frequent sickness with migraines I don't even flinch at him now so that's a blessing honestly!

I could have been writing this myself about 4 years ago OP. I strongly advise you speak to your GP about medication. Sertraline changed my life, I still have a small 'worry' about vomit and sick bugs but I can control it and it doesn't take over my life anymore. I tried CBT and hypno also and it did nothing, sertraline was the only thing that helped and I had 0 side effects.
Good luck

I feel like I say this a lot on here but I'd honestly recommend EMDR for emetophobia (I'm a clinical psychologist).

I had exposure therapy (well I was 5 sessions into it when covid hit).

I am actually not sure what the end game was as they wouldn’t tell me exactly other than I'd have gradual exposure. We had our sessions in a GP surgery (a place that was a huge trigger for me as its a place where people are going to vomit) and I'd worked up to being able to look at vomit when the sessions ended.

However for me the main thing has been real life exposure. I have 3 DC (aged 12 down to 7) and we've had several sickness bugs. I've gone from being unable to look after my poorly DC (their dad always dealt with vomit) to being able to deal with 3 of us having Noro at the same time.

I'm not cured. I still avoid certain things and situations but I'm not the wreck I used to be.

Exposure therapy may be worth looking into?

I had it and agree. It’s brilliant.

I had it badly for years. I was fine as child but then I just wasn’t sick for about 20 years and I forgot what it was like and built it up in my mind.
Like you, people being ill from food poisoning or drinking didn’t bother me. I could be around vomit in those instances, but if I found out someone had a bug, I would go into a panic.

Then randomly a few years ago I was sick. Not much warning and it came as a bit of a shock but I felt much better about the whole thing.
Then I caught Norovirus. Yeh that’s hell on earth, but it’s sort of cured my vomiting fear. I realised that it just feels like doing a slightly exaggerated wet burp (gross I know) and I do them frequently.

Sometimes with anxiety disorders you can be too anxious to respond to the therapy unless you have the edge taken off by some medication. This can be the case with anxiety and OCD in particular.
I would seriously suggest going to the GP and explaining your situation and getting an appropriate prescription (and taking it this time). You sound at your wits’ end and this might just assist in getting you strong enough to think straighter. Much love xx

That's really great to hear! I've heard such awful things I can't bring myself to do it! I also have PMDD and the thought of things getting worse before they get better mentally just doesn't sit well with me. I'm a mess 24/7 I don't want to be worse 😂

This is the only thing I haven't tried! But when I've looked into it I've been confused.

As much as I've looked into my past, I've never had a trigger moment so I'm not sure how it would work without one?

Or I might have the wrong idea about that therapy!

Thank you for sharing!

Sadly I don't think exposure therapy is going to work (many therapists have agreed) as I'm not afraid of vomit unless it's a bug if you know what I mean. I've dealt with sick MANY times in non bug related situations so the act of vomiting and looking at it really doesn't both me at all!

It did, but as I say my husband help me get over that part of the fear 😂

Following with interest as I could have written this OP and feel like a crazy person to be honest, I’m currently in A&E with my poorly kid and I was on absolute edge looking for any pukey kids

it’s utterly debilitating and I don’t even know why I have this fear either

Sounds the same as me!

The annoying thing for me is my rational part of my brain tells me is normal, it's fine and it's part of life. No one likes it, and I know once it happens to me or my son once I will see how silly I am.

The issue I have is the build up, I live every single day like today is the day we are going to catch it. And that's really really sad 😔

I'm constantly living in a negative bubble.

Thank you, I really think OCD plays a part when I look at my life.

Sadly I've never met a doctor who has taken it seriously. I just get "no one likes being sick" which I know that, but not everyone lives in fear every day.

I do think you're right though, I just know I don't have the right support (DRs) around me which makes me scared to talk to them again

Look I have no helpful advice I just wanted to say that I empathise so hard with everything you’ve said. I’m exactly the same, currently in CBT for it but not helping really. I can’t cope at all even when I know why others are sick, on the rare occasions my hubby drinks I’m on absolute eggshells, I avoid being anywhere near drunk people and have never been drunk myself. I have crippling food issues. Today I accidentally used a fork that had touched raw bacon and I’ve internally imploded and had a massive breakdown. I’m typing this locked in my en-suite deep breathing whilst DH does bedtime. There was a stomach bug at school 2-3 weeks ago and it ruined my fortnight. I’m on edge all the time, we didn’t get it but surely we will it’s just a matter of time.

I won’t eat most meat (the bacon today was part of a CBT challenge which has obviously backfired awfully) fish or eggs because they’re ’high risk’ for food poisoning. I’ve been like this since I was 11/12 and can’t remember a time I wasn’t but I had it under control until I have my two children (3&4) and since then it’s just exploded. I’ve come to realise I didn’t have my emetophobia ‘under control’ pre kids I just had my life and exposures under control. Having the kids meant that all of the control mechanisms I had in place that I didn’t even realise I had tbh were blown apart and I crumbled.
You would always have felt like this about grotty soft play areas and bug infested Nurserys you just didn’t have to deal with them pre kids. Now you do.
I was very hygienic pre kids, I was super careful with food prep, I avoided grotty high risk areas or activities. I basically lived quite a pleasant adult lifestyle and now I’m dealing with D&V bugs and kids licking each other and unwashed hands being plunged straight into food and licking public bathroom doors and all this insane stuff that kids do that you’re just like’ WHY?!?!?’

Get The Speakmans book.

My love I'm so sorry! I understand, I carry clinell wipes with me now because I'm so afraid!

I hope your little one is ok! I can say this now with my rational brain but you both will be ok, it's hard not to worry though! X

@cookingthebooks - oh that sounds awful! I'm so sorry you experience this too!

I'm very grateful that CBT has helped me in many ways so I really feel for you! The only thing I'm careful with is chicken but I do understand you!

People always call me a germaphobe which isn't true because I don't care about other germs. I've grown up on a farm with horse poop under my nails dirty everywhere so I'm not a clean freak you know.

I'm just a clean freak when it comes to bugs 😩

It's funny you mention about your life before because I never used to think about soft plays because I didn't need to, but when I look back at working in a office for years I could die inside! I work from home now and there's no way I could go back to an office.

But the even funnier thing is I was a beauty therapist before that! I was touching people 24/7 and never even flinched! Back then my fear was around people drinking and being sick not bugs!

So it's funny (not) that my fear has flipped on its head.

It's so hard to not feel like you're going crazy 😔

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