I have emetaphobia and I need help

[LouLou0505]

So I've had emetaphobia for 20 years since I was a little girl. I've worked really hard over the years and I'm now fine when someone else is sick from normal things like drinking, travel sick, food poisoning you know all those kind of things. It's sickness bugs that are my issue.

My son is 3 and every day is torture! I avoid soft plays and if someone tells me they are ill I won't see them for weeks.

The biggest issue I have is with nursery. He only goes a couple times a week but I spiral every day until I feel like we're in the clear.

I honestly don't know what to do. It's completely ruining my life and my sons. I just want to hide away at this time of year.

I envy parents who can just drop their child off at school or nursery and just get on with the day. I'd love to see the D&V sign on the door and just be like ah ok and carry on.

But no, I panic, I stop eating, I struggle to sleep I just don't know how to function anymore.

Does anyone else feel like this? Or has anyone felt like it and now feels better?

I've had so much CBT which has helped with my issues around eating and feeling sick from that but it's just the fear of sickness bugs that is ruining my life.

@LouLou0505 thank you for your kind words ♥️

he’s got croup, we’re on night 2 here now but it’s a lovely private room at least

i think similar to you it’s a control issue. I used to be awful with ANY sick now I’m not so bad if I know it’s not a contagious type

If it’s is I’m running for the hills

had noro twice and campylobacter since he was born, hasn’t helped.

Took him out of nursery as couldn’t cope with the germs, he has a childminder now and it’s a world of difference

Logically I know it’s like a day of hell for you, day of hell for them and then you should recover without any lasting effects… but I just can’t shake it

Im considering therapy or something that may help I just don’t know what!

Awful! We've just recovered from croup, luckily no hospital visit but it's horrible seeing them so poorly! Sending love to your little one!

God that's bad, everyone always tells me once you go through it, you'll feel better about it but clearly that's not always true!

I honestly wish I had been sick in pregnancy as I think that would have been a kind of ok situation you know, not violent 😂 I wanted to be sick sure my EMC but they pumped me with anti sickness as I had told them about my fear. Can't say I'd of liked to have thrown up while cut in half 🙃

As I say therapy has helped me in way, I couldn't eat past a certain time, had trigger meals that made me feel sick and I still struggle with feeling full or eating out at night thing but that might be a social anxiety thing.

I don't know about you, but my anxiety attacks only really come at night time once my little one goes to bed (he's clearly my distraction) my intrusive thoughts are there all day but the attacks not so much!

@CatchHimDerry - I meant to say also, the nursery thing is the worst part. I take him out of nursery so much because I just can't cope. If I'm in a bad place mentally with it I take him out so we can just be together and do fun things.

I thought about a childminder but I wasn't sure if it's the right thing to do, he has so many friends at nursery.

This phobia is honestly evil

I’m fine being sick myself - obviously I hate it as I hate the inevitable of the watering mouth etc and just with I could be sick because the hours before are horrible. Then when I’m sick I feel so much better until it happens again and this is reaped for about 8 hours if it’s a bug (thankfully I’ve not been sick for about 10 years!l and that was thanks my DC 😭😳)

I’m fine when its my kids, I can handle that no problem and clean it up and doesn’t bother me as I’m worried about how rough they’re feeling

What I can’t stand though is other people vomiting. I absolutely hate it, the sound, the sight, the smell, it’s a sensory overload and I want to run away. I couldn’t be a healthcare professional as I couldn’t cope. If someone was sick in my house I’d have to sell up and move! 😂

Maybe try it, could it be worse than what you have now? I am on citalopram, had no side effects. (Though I know many do). It was life changing for anxiety.

Have you tried the Thrive programme? I bought the book by Rob Kelly but I think there's something you can do online now. It didn't cure me but it did help.

That's interesting! Yes I hate the before, with actually feeling sick that's horrible! When I donated my eggs I was so poorly from the medications the sickness was unbearable I honestly didn't want to live. I think that set me off on the downward spiral in my early 20's. Even though I've suffered since a little girl.

I'm so glad you didn't struggle with your children, my fear is I'm going to be a failure when it happens to my little boy. I'd die for him, take any illness away so I'm scared that I'm not going to cope and fail him.

Again is the unknown of not knowing how I'll cope which is driving me mad!

@Skepticgal - that's what I've got sitting in my cupboard 🙃

I'm like it with any medication if I'm honest, my brain can't work out how a tablet can stop my intrusive thoughts which I'm certain are what's keeping me in the bad place

No I haven't, I looked into it a million times but never actually done it!

Sadly I think I've got myself into such a negative state that I talk myself out of things thinking I just cannot be cured or get better 😔

I’ve come to realise I didn’t have my emetophobia ‘under control’ pre kids I just had my life and exposures under control.

This is like me. I have a 5 & 2 year old, and the emetophobia is just awful. Like OP I have no clear trigger for this phobia, I just haven't thrown up ever within my memory (no sickness bugs, no hangovers, no morning sickness that actually caused vomiting) and so I think it's just this terrifying thing in my head.

I also have been prescribed antidepressants but they list vomiting as a side effect so I can't bring myself to take them. Gas and air in childbirth caused me some mild nausea so I did without any pain relief because honestly the thought of vomiting was worse than the pain of labour.

I saw a psychologist for this and did EMDR - worked so well. I highly recommend it and can even give you the name of someone.
There is always a root cause and it brought out so many things I had never even thought of (found the significant event that started it).

I'm glad I did - I was sick every day for months with both pregnancies and just got used to it. Then the kids were sick, luckily they have strong stomachs, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

There is hope and it sounds like you could use some external help. It does get better.

If you don't want to start the Thrive programme just yet, I can really recommend the podcasts. They're very helpful in explaining why you have emetophobia and things you can/shouldn't do to help.

My DD suffers terribly. She won't go out or drink herself. She won't try new foods, hates tablets. She was sick nearly two years ago and thinks about it every single day over and over. She went into meltdown yesterday because she forgot to wash her hands when she came in from work. If she could she would literally never leave the house again.

It's a horrible, debilitating condition and I really really hope you find some respite from it x

Empathising hard over here! I'm 52 and I've been emetophobic all of my life, haven't vomited since I was 10.

I'm medicated, have been for 25 years, but I HATE this time of year with a passion. Every social event in December fills me with dread, I'm on countdown for 48 hrs after any gathering where I've had to mingle with people (especially toddlers and we have 4 grandchildren) or eat food I haven't prepared myself (Christmas get togethers, work do's, ugh).

Most of the year I cope well, the horror starts around November and I generally relax after New Year even though bugs are circulating all year round! I think it's the enforced "mixing" and socialising at peak-vomiting bug season.

I've had hypnotherapy, talking therapy and psychotherapy, none of which made a jot of difference. CBT was effective but I last had that when I was 17. I got a little better last year when I caught a bug and came the closest I've been to vomiting in many, many years - it was a completely empty, comedy retch but like a pp, it dawned on me that it's simply a bodily function and no worse than a rather revolting sneeze.

But that was 18 months ago and here we are, December again and I'm washing my hands to shreds, air-kissing the grandchildren and avoiding holding them, and holding my breath in supermarkets. It's so tiring and boring and STUPID but I can't seem to change.

So yeah...solidarity mate.

Oh no’ooooo you can’t live like that! Have you done some solid ERP? Xx

I'm glad and sad that we have the same experiences. It's nice to know I'm not alone but sad all being part of a club this no one wants to be part of!

We never had bugs as children and although I did used to drink when I was younger I knew when to stop

Haha it has ruined Christmases for me! And more painfully, it has made me a rather cool/distant stepmother and grandmother. Good job I never had my own children, which was a deliberate choice.

No, never tried ERP - when I last looked into it, it was somewhat new and there weren't many practitioners. Might take another look...I would love to be different but it's like this thing is programmed into me.

Thank you so much, I really do need to look into it as I can't carry on like this.

I never thought about podcasts so I'm going to give that a go thank you!

I'm sad for your daughter going through this!

I often think about hard it must be for family. My mum was my safety blanket for so many years, soon as I moved out I got so much worse and now my poor husband has to deal with me not eating, going silent, making us leave places early because I'm having an anxiety attack. Must be hard for you too 😔

Oh I’m sorry you are feeling this way, I feel your pain! I’ve also had emetaphobia my
whole life! I’m a teacher as well so you can imagine how this time of year goes!

What I will say is, just because you have a child at nursery or school doesn’t mean a sickness bug is a foregone conclusion. I’ve been teaching at primary level for 12 years and I’ve never had a sickness bug. DSD age 9 has had one sickness bug in her whole life. We have what I’d say are normal levels of cleanliness. If the bugs are in my school or classroom then I hand sanitize the kids and the touch points like door handles and my desk, but that’s it.

What did you do to help yourself become ok with sickness due to non-contagious factors? Could you try to do whatever you did to get that under control but apply it to the specific fears you now have?

Yes, I'm DD's 'safe person' I don't mind at all, obviously, but it is so hard to watch her go through it. It's definitely taking its toll. Everyone thinks it's lovely how close we are - and it is - but I wish she'd just go out with her friends like normal teenagers. I don't feel like she's living at the moment, just existing. She hardly eats and is absolutely tiny so I worry about her physical health too.

Good luck with the podcasts. I listen to them when I'm out with the dog and I've found them really useful.

My daughters have this horrible phobia. :( my sister also has it.

it is a lot more common than people think! My DD also won’t take medicine in case one of the side effects is nausea/vomiting.

I left it too long to edit my previous post but I got in a muddle, I thought you were referring to EMDR! 🤦‍♀️

Exposure and Response Therapy...sounds horrific!

I'm emetophobic but a lot better than I used to be. There are though still certain situations I avoid and I can't go into public toilets without thinking about the risk of germs. My DD didn't go to soft play until she was about 5. I would just always have an excuse if anyone suggested meeting there.

I was very concerned about how I would handle DD being sick but the first time it happened (she was 2) I was relieved to find that I could care for her. I was fastidious about washing my hands and otherwise could only hope that I wouldn't catch it which I didn't.

She's 7 now and has had a couple of sick bugs along the way including one bout of noro. The one time I had to clean vomit in her bedroom I donned a face mask and gloves which helped enormously with coping with it.

Somehow dealing with your child's vomit is much easier than anyone else's. I don't know why.

I've also been unlucky and had noro twice in ten years. Being sick so many times does give you practice at it and every time you vomit and survive it does help to lessen the fear a little.

I don't think I'll ever get to a point where I don't think about it though and I'm on tenterhooks every November/December expecting to catch a bug.

It has to be better than what you’re going through though. When I was in hospital with depression they had a specialist unit for OCD and related illnesses and the only way people got better was by literally facing their fears (ERP). It was quite cool to see it working actually. It has to be worth a go. Xx

Wow! Respect to you for having this phobia and being a teacher!

Thank you for sharing, and you're so right, I just look at the glass half empty 24/7 and always think this week is the week. It's exhausting honestly I'm fed up of thinking the same things every week.

I'd have to say for that it was just exposure, my husband enjoying a drink and suffers with migraines which make him be sick. He's not afraid of vomit but panics and struggles to breath so I've had to comfort him and help him with his breathing so that exposure has ultimately 'cured' that part of the phobia for me.

I hated him in the moment for making me go through it but now I just laugh and help!

So I think my only way to get over this fear with the sickness bugs are to experience them but I'm just so scared