Page 3 | I have emetaphobia and I need help

LouLou0505 · 2024-12-04T17:30:30+00:00

So I've had emetaphobia for 20 years since I was a little girl. I've worked really hard over the years and I'm now fine when someone else is sick from normal things like drinking, travel sick, food poisoning you know all those kind of things. It's sickness bugs that are my issue. My son is 3 and every day is torture! I avoid soft plays and if someone tells me they are ill I won't see them for weeks. The biggest issue I have is with nursery. He only goes a couple times a week but I spiral every day until I feel like we're in the clear. I honestly don't know what to do. It's completely ruining my life and my sons. I just want to hide away at this time of year. I envy parents who can just drop their child off at school or nursery and just get on with the day. I'd love to see the D&V sign on the door and just be like ah ok and carry on. But no, I panic, I stop eating, I struggle to sleep I just don't know how to function anymore. Does anyone else feel like this? Or has anyone felt like it and now feels better? I've had so much CBT which has helped with my issues around eating and feeling sick from that but it's just the fear of sickness bugs that is ruining my life.

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 04/12/2024 22:10

IBlameTheDog · 04/12/2024 21:17

Yes, I'm DD's 'safe person' I don't mind at all, obviously, but it is so hard to watch her go through it. It's definitely taking its toll. Everyone thinks it's lovely how close we are - and it is - but I wish she'd just go out with her friends like normal teenagers. I don't feel like she's living at the moment, just existing. She hardly eats and is absolutely tiny so I worry about her physical health too.

Good luck with the podcasts. I listen to them when I'm out with the dog and I've found them really useful.

I really hope she can get some help one day! I say I'm a mess but in ways I'm much better than I was so fingers crossed she can get some form of a normal life back! X

OP posts:

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 04/12/2024 22:11

macap · 04/12/2024 21:17

My daughters have this horrible phobia. :( my sister also has it.

it is a lot more common than people think! My DD also won’t take medicine in case one of the side effects is nausea/vomiting.

Apparently more women suffer too! I'm not sure why though 🤨

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Original poster

LouLou0505 · 04/12/2024 22:14

INeedNewShoes · 04/12/2024 21:25

I'm emetophobic but a lot better than I used to be. There are though still certain situations I avoid and I can't go into public toilets without thinking about the risk of germs. My DD didn't go to soft play until she was about 5. I would just always have an excuse if anyone suggested meeting there.

I was very concerned about how I would handle DD being sick but the first time it happened (she was 2) I was relieved to find that I could care for her. I was fastidious about washing my hands and otherwise could only hope that I wouldn't catch it which I didn't.

She's 7 now and has had a couple of sick bugs along the way including one bout of noro. The one time I had to clean vomit in her bedroom I donned a face mask and gloves which helped enormously with coping with it.

Somehow dealing with your child's vomit is much easier than anyone else's. I don't know why.

I've also been unlucky and had noro twice in ten years. Being sick so many times does give you practice at it and every time you vomit and survive it does help to lessen the fear a little.

I don't think I'll ever get to a point where I don't think about it though and I'm on tenterhooks every November/December expecting to catch a bug.

Thank you for sharing!

I don't think we can ever be cured but it's just about moving on with life and accepting that it's a normal bodily function. My brain tells me that one second and then panic sets in 😂

I'm pleased you can cope, there is hope for me! I have an emergency kit and bowl ready with a bin bag in and cleaning stuff. A mask and gloves is a good idea. If that's what I need to be able to deal with it and be a good mum then I'll do it!

I'm so scared I'm going to put my fears onto my son so I'm trying so hard to hide it

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Glamis · 04/12/2024 22:19

LouLou0505 · 04/12/2024 17:52

I've gone through this is CBT, and I honestly don't really know. I think it's the lack of control. I've not been sick myself since I was 7 and I'm 30 now, so I have no idea how I will act, or what to do when my son is sick as so far he never has been!

I know I won't die, I know it won't be as bad as I think I just have no idea why I'm such a mess all the time 😔

Show quote history

That doesn’t sound like you’ve had the right amount of CBT. Really push yourself to think “well then what might happen would be…” and make it real in your mind. Eg, child vomits, you clean him up, put clothes in washing machine, clean up sick area. But YOU have to define it to fix it.

Also re the meds, how come you know you would have side effects if you didn’t take them? How did you decide that you couldn’t tolerate them?

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 04/12/2024 22:24

@Glamis - I have done that exact exercise many times and it all makes sense but it just seems to unravel again the next day.

If I don't see the D&V sign on the door I can actually have a day of less panic and intrusive thoughts.

Regarding the medication, I had a terrible experience when I donated my eggs to the medication I was on. I felt so ill for a very long time. So I think this has stuck in my head.

So now when I get given medication I Google the hell out of it and always read such bad things and once that's in my head there's no changing my mind sadly.

This is what I mean, this fear has got so bad it's actually stopping me trying something that could help 😔

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CatchHimDerry · 04/12/2024 22:30

@cookingthebooks omg this speaks to me as well. I don’t feel so alone on this thread

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 04/12/2024 22:37

CatchHimDerry · 04/12/2024 22:30

@cookingthebooks omg this speaks to me as well. I don’t feel so alone on this thread

I'm glad you don't feel alone. It's a horrible club to be in but it does bring comfort to know you're not alone, it can get better and we aren't crazy! X

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paddyclampster · 04/12/2024 22:51

I have this phobia. I’m better than I used to be. I can cope with people being sick if they’re pregnant or drunk but not for other reasons.

The mention of stomach viruses sends me into meltdown.

I can eat out now (couldn’t at one time) but I always stick to places and food I trust. Going to new places is a problem and I scour the reviews to check whether anyone has been poisoned there.

I think I also have a huge fear of being sick in front of people, even my family.

The only time I can cope with being sick myself is when I’ve had too much to drink!

Switcher · 04/12/2024 22:55

Ot was absolutely terrible for me for years, quite similar to what you describe. As they've got older it's got better kind of on its own though. I can sleep again.

Samandytimlucypeterolivia · 04/12/2024 23:09

I’m very similar, I have no issues with people throwing up, the minute however I know it’s a sickness but my mind goes into overdrive. I never used to be like this but back in 2010. We got hit with norovirus hard, had it coming out both ends, me and DS (2 back then) got hit hard, ever since then the thought of being sick myself causes me anxiety, I’m good with colds, etc. I probably make it worse by breathing in a way which keeps the sickness and nausea at bay but in actual fact makes me feel worse but the thought of throwing up is agonising. We all got hit with norovirus back in June. Dd12 had it first, 2 days later DS16 ( who had it real bad) , dsis and DP all got it, and then it hit me and my mum the following day and my brothers girlfriend the day after that (hers continued for 5 days after) I spent 5 days constantly disinfecting. I had it least bad tbf, had a bad tummy and only threw up once, felt fine about 4 hours later.
im constantly cautious of other people, if they look sick etc. it’s exhausting 🫣

inthetrenches1 · 04/12/2024 23:30

Hi OP. I too am a long-standing emetophobe and to non-emetophobes it can be very hard to understand. I’ve been this way since I was around 9 and I’m in my 40s now.

I have a 4 year old who goes to nursery and pre-school throughout the week. Every week I pray we make it through to Sunday morning without a hitch, and I worry about catching stomach bugs constantly. Our child has had at least 1 stomach bug every year of their life, and I just go into crisis mode to look after them. I do panic I’ll get ill too, but I am better these days at handling it as I know it’s not something I can control. I still do the things within my control, like making sure surfaces etc are anti-bacced, but if it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen. One further thought I’ve had recently that gives me some relief, is that if/when it does happen, it’s not going to be like that forever! It’s something that will be around for a few days then it’s gone, and hopefully the immune systems will be better at fighting it off next time. Don’t get me wrong, I think about it every single day, and it’s hard for others to understand.

You may be interested to hear that there’s currently clinical trials underway for a norovirus vaccine, which I think would be really interesting. I will be watching out for news on that!

Nat6999 · 05/12/2024 00:05

I'm emetophobic, I trained ds from being tiny to manage himself if he was sick, in 20 years I have only had to clear up after him being sick & I covered it on shaving foam so I couldn't see or smell it.

Duc · 05/12/2024 00:22

INeedNewShoes · 04/12/2024 21:25

I'm emetophobic but a lot better than I used to be. There are though still certain situations I avoid and I can't go into public toilets without thinking about the risk of germs. My DD didn't go to soft play until she was about 5. I would just always have an excuse if anyone suggested meeting there.

I was very concerned about how I would handle DD being sick but the first time it happened (she was 2) I was relieved to find that I could care for her. I was fastidious about washing my hands and otherwise could only hope that I wouldn't catch it which I didn't.

She's 7 now and has had a couple of sick bugs along the way including one bout of noro. The one time I had to clean vomit in her bedroom I donned a face mask and gloves which helped enormously with coping with it.

Somehow dealing with your child's vomit is much easier than anyone else's. I don't know why.

I've also been unlucky and had noro twice in ten years. Being sick so many times does give you practice at it and every time you vomit and survive it does help to lessen the fear a little.

I don't think I'll ever get to a point where I don't think about it though and I'm on tenterhooks every November/December expecting to catch a bug.

Somehow dealing with your child's vomit is much easier than anyone else's. I don't know why

It’s because we’d die for them and love them so much that we’d literally do anything for them. I guess it’s maternal instinct. No way would I entertain cleaning up someone else puke! Maybe for £10k 😂

macap · 05/12/2024 00:23

IBlameTheDog · 04/12/2024 21:17

Yes, I'm DD's 'safe person' I don't mind at all, obviously, but it is so hard to watch her go through it. It's definitely taking its toll. Everyone thinks it's lovely how close we are - and it is - but I wish she'd just go out with her friends like normal teenagers. I don't feel like she's living at the moment, just existing. She hardly eats and is absolutely tiny so I worry about her physical health too.

Good luck with the podcasts. I listen to them when I'm out with the dog and I've found them really useful.

Gosh this sounds like me teen though she’s younger at 15. Currently unable to attend school, on ASD pathway and doesn’t really leave the house.

She’s so isolated I just wish she could go out with her mates and have fun.

HateLongCovid · 05/12/2024 02:48

There is a special programme called The Thrive program (emetiphobia) by Rob Kelly. you can buy a book to work through and have sessions with Thrive consultants. I believe many have had great success with it.

AnxietyIsKillingMe · 05/12/2024 03:10

I have no useful advice
But I’ve suffered with this debilitating phobia for as long as I can remember. I have done it myself since I was 7
Have no DC
Dont drink, won’t be around drunk people
Am very careful with food
Dont go to high risk places
Hate public toilets
Can’t even watch it on TV
I could go on

It’s ruining my life
So you are not alone

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 05/12/2024 09:30

paddyclampster · 04/12/2024 22:51

I have this phobia. I’m better than I used to be. I can cope with people being sick if they’re pregnant or drunk but not for other reasons.

The mention of stomach viruses sends me into meltdown.

I can eat out now (couldn’t at one time) but I always stick to places and food I trust. Going to new places is a problem and I scour the reviews to check whether anyone has been poisoned there.

I think I also have a huge fear of being sick in front of people, even my family.

The only time I can cope with being sick myself is when I’ve had too much to drink!

Sorry you also feel this way 😔 but take it as a positive that you can cope when you've had a drink! I've learnt we have to find any positive we can! X

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Original poster

LouLou0505 · 05/12/2024 09:31

Switcher · 04/12/2024 22:55

Ot was absolutely terrible for me for years, quite similar to what you describe. As they've got older it's got better kind of on its own though. I can sleep again.

Thank you! I hope so! X

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Original poster

LouLou0505 · 05/12/2024 09:33

Samandytimlucypeterolivia · 04/12/2024 23:09

I’m very similar, I have no issues with people throwing up, the minute however I know it’s a sickness but my mind goes into overdrive. I never used to be like this but back in 2010. We got hit with norovirus hard, had it coming out both ends, me and DS (2 back then) got hit hard, ever since then the thought of being sick myself causes me anxiety, I’m good with colds, etc. I probably make it worse by breathing in a way which keeps the sickness and nausea at bay but in actual fact makes me feel worse but the thought of throwing up is agonising. We all got hit with norovirus back in June. Dd12 had it first, 2 days later DS16 ( who had it real bad) , dsis and DP all got it, and then it hit me and my mum the following day and my brothers girlfriend the day after that (hers continued for 5 days after) I spent 5 days constantly disinfecting. I had it least bad tbf, had a bad tummy and only threw up once, felt fine about 4 hours later.
im constantly cautious of other people, if they look sick etc. it’s exhausting 🫣

My god! That sounds awful 😩 I'd want to hide away!

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Lizzbear · 05/12/2024 09:39

Hi op. Nothing much to advise. But I know what it's like to have a phobia.
I think exposing yourself deliberately to situations that involve helping when your children are sick, will gradually make you less frightened over it. Try to tell yourself it's a healthy reaction to clearing your body if something damaging.
It's a phobia. So ERP could help x

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 05/12/2024 10:07

inthetrenches1 · 04/12/2024 23:30

Hi OP. I too am a long-standing emetophobe and to non-emetophobes it can be very hard to understand. I’ve been this way since I was around 9 and I’m in my 40s now.

I have a 4 year old who goes to nursery and pre-school throughout the week. Every week I pray we make it through to Sunday morning without a hitch, and I worry about catching stomach bugs constantly. Our child has had at least 1 stomach bug every year of their life, and I just go into crisis mode to look after them. I do panic I’ll get ill too, but I am better these days at handling it as I know it’s not something I can control. I still do the things within my control, like making sure surfaces etc are anti-bacced, but if it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen. One further thought I’ve had recently that gives me some relief, is that if/when it does happen, it’s not going to be like that forever! It’s something that will be around for a few days then it’s gone, and hopefully the immune systems will be better at fighting it off next time. Don’t get me wrong, I think about it every single day, and it’s hard for others to understand.

You may be interested to hear that there’s currently clinical trials underway for a norovirus vaccine, which I think would be really interesting. I will be watching out for news on that!

Thank you so much, that really does help!

I also live in fear till Sunday and then I enjoy a few days peace till it starts again!

I'm trying to focus on work today and not worry because as you say it's out of control and doesn't last forever!

So thank you for sharing it's a shame this is a thing we are all going through 😔

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Original poster

LouLou0505 · 05/12/2024 10:11

Nat6999 · 05/12/2024 00:05

I'm emetophobic, I trained ds from being tiny to manage himself if he was sick, in 20 years I have only had to clear up after him being sick & I covered it on shaving foam so I couldn't see or smell it.

That's a good idea!

OP posts:

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 05/12/2024 10:13

AnxietyIsKillingMe · 05/12/2024 03:10

I have no useful advice
But I’ve suffered with this debilitating phobia for as long as I can remember. I have done it myself since I was 7
Have no DC
Dont drink, won’t be around drunk people
Am very careful with food
Dont go to high risk places
Hate public toilets
Can’t even watch it on TV
I could go on

It’s ruining my life
So you are not alone

I'm sorry 😔 having a child was a huge step for me I was so scared but I was lucky my desire to be a mum fought of the fear for a while. But sadly it's now worse than ever in ways 😔

One day we'll get through it!

OP posts:

Original poster

LouLou0505 · 05/12/2024 10:14

Lizzbear · 05/12/2024 09:39

Hi op. Nothing much to advise. But I know what it's like to have a phobia.
I think exposing yourself deliberately to situations that involve helping when your children are sick, will gradually make you less frightened over it. Try to tell yourself it's a healthy reaction to clearing your body if something damaging.
It's a phobia. So ERP could help x

Thank you, sadly it's everything I know and I need to put into practise. But surprising this thread has helped me by making me feel like I'm not alone or crazy!

It's actually very normal and we still survive after!

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whatisforteamum · 05/12/2024 17:18

The thing with exposure is it puts the idea back in my head.😭
I haven't vomited since I had a bug 50 yrs ago!!
Tbh I'm bad if someone else is drunk,I'll or gagging.
I had therapy decades ago and I don't like the sick feeling.
Pain wise I'm fine and gave birth at home no painkillers.
It really is irrational and nonsense in my case.