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Original poster

Can anyone make me feel better about having an only child

83 replies

PuddingOwl · 03/12/2024 15:21

DD is 3. She is the most delightful little girl but I suffered horribly with peri and postnatal depression and we have decided not to have another.

I don't feel sad for myself as I know I don't want to go through it again but I do feel terrible for my daughter having to grow up an only. Everytime on of her nursery pals gets a new baby brother or sister I feel a pang of jealousy for her that she will never get that. I read people on here and other forums saying how much they hate being onlies and it just kills me. Like I'm letting her down.

Has anyone had the same 🙁

OP posts:

OnlyHereForTheChristmasBoard · 27/12/2024 01:23

I'm an only child and DS (16) is an only, our choice. My mum was a single parent and she died when I was small. Have I missed having her in my life? Absolutely. Have I ever missed a theoretical sibling that my mum would probably never have been in a position to provide me with had she lived? Absolutely not. That would be bizarre.

We don't miss what we've never had, seriously.

My mum had 4 brothers and only one of them (gay, no kids) did anything practical to help with my upbringing, take care of their parents when they were older and deal with their affairs after they died. DH had 2 sisters - the one he was fond of moved abroad and died unexpectedly and the remaining one he struggles to get on with. I don't envy any of this. DS has had all of our time and resources undivided, and he doesn't pine for an imaginary sibling any more than I did.

ForGreyKoala · 27/12/2024 02:15

I'm an only and have always been happy about that. I can't say I've ever felt the need of siblings, and I had a great childhood. My DM was also an only. My exDH has a brother, they haven't spoken for over 20 years.

ForGreyKoala · 27/12/2024 02:21

BraveBlueDuck · 04/12/2024 16:24

Does she have cousins she can be close to?

Being an only child is extremely lonely, both as a child and as an adult once parents start getting older, your DD will need navigate your ageing, care and eventual death on her own. My own experience has made me believe having only 1 child is cruel but that's MY opinion.

Well I somehow managed to navigate the ageing and eventual death of my parents - who were divorced so it was two completely separate navigations - without any fuss. Your experience is not the same as others. I have friends who are the only females in their families and have ended up dealing with their parents mostly by themselves, having siblings doesn't necessarily mean they will be there to help, and in my friend's cases the siblings don't live locally, some are in other countries. My DM was an only and she obviously didn't feel having one child is cruel as she only had me. I've never been "extremely lonely" in my entire life.

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Families

PlantDoctor · 28/12/2024 01:43

There's a new baby in my wider family and DD was delighted with him. Everyone was asking her if she wanted a sibling, which I thought was pretty shitty as they know why we're unlikely to have another. DD said she really wants a sibling :(

Freeasabird76 · 28/12/2024 01:47

Yes,my oldest dd has never forgiven my for having dd2 and 12 years down the line things are no different,every day is a battlefield.

Freeasabird76 · 28/12/2024 01:50

Also had post natal depression with both,severely bad,suicidal/ infanticide ideation after dd2.

Thatcastlethere · 28/12/2024 01:59

There's so many pros and cons to being an only child. And there's so many pros and cons to having siblings!! So to my mind it doesn't really matter!
I was an only child. I have 3 children myself.
There were some elements of being an only child that were negative however there are alot of positive things I wish my children had. One on one time with a parent, more financial resources, the time to develop deep interests in things be abuse you don't constantly have to cater to your siblings needs and interests.. for example as a child I could decide what museum we visited to align to my interests... amd I could spend as long as I liked there until my parents had to do something else..
My kids have to constantly compromise and take turns and do things they aren't so interested in to keep the peace
Of course there's a good side to that.. but I also think I was able to nurture alot of interests far more deeply as an only child than my kids can.
Also just the time and thought you can spend on an only child.. I always feel like I'm letting kids down because there's never enough hours in the day to devote to them. An only child can have your undivided attention.

Flatandhappy · 28/12/2024 02:25

My GD will be an only. Both her parents are the eldest of three and have great relationships with their siblings but they have made the decision that is right for their family which is how it should be (if you have that choice, I appreciate many don’t).

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