Can anyone make me feel better about having an only child

[PuddingOwl]

DD is 3. She is the most delightful little girl but I suffered horribly with peri and postnatal depression and we have decided not to have another.

I don't feel sad for myself as I know I don't want to go through it again but I do feel terrible for my daughter having to grow up an only. Everytime on of her nursery pals gets a new baby brother or sister I feel a pang of jealousy for her that she will never get that. I read people on here and other forums saying how much they hate being onlies and it just kills me. Like I'm letting her down.

Has anyone had the same 🙁

With an only you can give them the gift of time and follow their needs, interests and wishes. Time is one of the most precious things you have with an only and the thing I struggle with having two.

I've one dd13. She loves being an only. Is very friendly, sociable, clever and has lots of hobbies. We have a great relationship. I am a calm and patient parent (99% of the time) and our household is chilled just the 3 of us and dog. We are lucky that I have friends with dc and she has cousins so we often go on holidays with others.

I wish I'd been an only. My siblings are ok people, but I have bugger all in common with either of them. One is an evangelical anti-vaxxer and the other has no interest in or knowledge of anything I like to do or am interested in.

I have an only child and stopped at one due to PND and just bloody hating every second when DS was small. I love being a mum now he’s older, but it wouldn’t be fair to have another. I also love how easy it is having just one child around.

Most of the mums I know have an only child, so it feels more normal and that helps. And the two mums who went on to have a second have both admitted that they regret it. That sticks in my head whenever I feel bad about it!

This post is SO SO SO true

I was an only child in an abusive family and wanted a sibling but I realise now as an ally

I’ve known so many only children who grew up in happy families with a healthy dynamic to know it can be a really positive thing to be an only child

all The people I’ve known who’ve struggled emotionally as adults - struggled in work /relationships - around 8 people - only 1 out of 8 is an only child ! People with siblings are admittedly more numerous in the population- but if all the stereotypes around only children are to be believed there’d be far more struggling onlies and if a sibling was the manna from heaven as it were and the anti dote to only child-ness - far fewer people with siblings would struggle !

I have two brothers I love but my mum is an only child and she is perfectly happy and never felt she missed out on anything. In my experience kids can't imagine anything other than the exact situation they are in, your DD won't want to change a thing about her family :)

We're having an only and I don't feel bad. To me, friends are much preferable to siblings. I know a lot of children with poor social skills because they've never been encouraged to socialise by themselves rather than relying on sticking with their siblings all the time. Or younger siblings who pick up age-inappropriate behaviours from older siblings. So having a sibling isn't always a positive life experience even if they get along.

I have a sibling. We loathed each other and made our childhoods miserable, we don't ever speak as adults and he will make my parents ageing and passing away a thousand times more stressful.

Thank you so much for the lovely comments, it's so nice reading positive experiences and I'm sorry to those who have experienced loss 💐

I really wanted to be like 1 particular only child as a teenager because she got to go out with my crush 😡🤣 they made a vv good looking couple ok I know that’s just chance but this girl was also confident, mature, popular and a very responsible decent person, realistically 🙌

I am an only, I'm also the daughter and mother of an only. Nothing wrong with it. The prejudice is shocking though.

My daughter loves being an only child. It’s great when they are older and we can be carefree together with no other siblings needs to consider.

Other side of the coin - I have two useless brothers who cannot get on. My DH has two brothers who do not speak at all. I would rather have been an only. I feel like my mum overstretched herself and my brothers’ have been so so difficult they have taken so much of her time and not to mention money etc. One of them is an alcoholic and she still regularly gives him money in his 30s. I think it was selfish of her to have three children for various reasons I won’t go into here.

I have one DS who is 3. I’m not that interested in having any more tbh. I feel everyone’s quality of life will be better as a small family with plenty of ressources for everyone. My dad had a breakdown at 50; both parents worked full time hugely demanding jobs. Lived very busy lifestyles. Money was no issue but really our quality of life was actually crap and I would have loved more time with my parents’. Even now in my 30s I still seek it out and feel resentment!

Your choice entirely. The siblings you feel a pang of jealousy for may hate each other as adults and it might destroy their parents’ marriages. It nearly did mine!

I'm an only raising my own 17 year old only son. I beat myself up a lot when my son was younger, thinking I had failed him by not providing a sibling. But he admits he is much happier without one.

From my own experience, we onlies are wildly independent but have a lovely, close relationship with our parents. We have been able to afford lots of travel experiences that we would not have had the opportunity or funds to do if we had other children to worry about.

DD is 3 and likely to be an only. I'm an only and was perfectly content as a child, I never really wanted for anything, and as I grew older I would have HATED a sibling being in my space etc. DH has a brother and sees the pros and cons for both, but also often tells of how his older brother would torture him, get in trouble and blame DH, parents always believed eldest, he even thinks his birth photos being double exposed as "proof" his parents preferred his brother (light-heartedly) 🤣
I flip flop between wanting to give DD a sibling then realising I don't want another child. I adore the time with my DD, I don't think really she would cope with having extra noise and demands for attention elsewhere. I do get broody at times but I think it's more I want the baby stage with DD back, I don't want another different, baby.

I am an only. Currently navigating the challenges that come with caring for an elderly parent with dementia.
In some respects I always thought having someone else to share the load with would be helpful but all of my mates with the same challenges are finding their siblings are adding to the stress - not helping 🥴
As a child and young adult it didn’t matter to me one bit.

I’m an only who always wanted a brother or sister. However as an adult I recognise that it’s not the rosy picture I always thought it would be.

My closest friend is an only too and she’s been like a sister to me, so those close relationships are very possible.

I felt like this a couple of years ago. DD just turned 5 and I have to say I feel much better now. She isn't particularly interested in having a sibling and loves to play with her friends as well as us. She's a very happy kid :)

Will she feel lonely when she's older? It's possible, but it is for anyone of they lose their sibling or don't get on. Most adults rely on their partner more than their siblings I'd say.

It’s fine OP, don’t worry about it!

Frankly, OP, you made the right decision for you, for valid reasons. There's absolutely no point tormenting yourself with whether or not she will like not having siblings -- that's not something you have any control over. All you can do is make sure you promote her making friends, model for her having good, nurturing friendships yourself, and come to terms with your decision yourself. She will absolutely not need to grow up with you torturing yourself for not 'giving her a sibling'.

I have an only child because I didn't want a second one. DS needs to deal with that, the same as I dealt with being the eldest of a big family.

I have three teenagers.

Spending any time in my house is a great advert for having only one child.

Arguments. Arguments. Sniping. Arguments. Mess. Arguments.

I'm an only. Have a fantastic relationship with both my parents and I'm grateful I had them all to myself instead of having to share them with some annoying twatty sibling. As an adult I'm very independent and love my own company.

Speaking honestly - siblings in some situations can be a blessing - one would hope in most situations.

HOWEVER what is MUCH MUCH more important to me than having siblings is yourself and your own personality. It’s practically the ONLY thing you can guarantee in life - excepting conditions like dementia - which thankfully only happen to a small minority and tend to be at the very end of life .

i mean even if one got on perfectly with all their siblings they could all emigrate on mass to a different continent and realistically from that point contact may well be minimal. But you’d still have your wonderful self…. Nurture your family relationships for sure. but nurture you above all . It’s the only relationship you can absolutely guarantee !

That is also a concern. I watched my mother shoulder the burden of caring for my grandmother in her final years, despite having 3 other siblings. To be fair, one sister had passed away a few years before my grandmother's health began failing, and the other two were useless, only came round when there was an estate to squabble over. So yeah, there's no guarantee that siblings will remain close or be reliable into adulthood.

Mine is a young adult now. Didn't plan for her to be an only child but it's how things worked out. Wouldn't change it now for the world. She has always been very happy as an only child. She has brilliant social skills, plenty of confidence and tons of friends. And we are super close. Your little girl will be just fine!

I have 3 and it's lovely but they simply don't get anything near the input and attention and frankly parenting that families with an only can offer their kids. Having siblings is no guarantee that they'll get on either as children or adults, or share burdens in late life. From the other side of the road, I can see big advantages in being able to give your child all of your time and really see them and their needs.