I’ve been a big girl since I was about 6. I was 7 stone by age 8, 14 and a half by age 13. I’m now 23 stone ish, size 26-32 depending on what I’m wearing.
I’m massive, I have to cope with my size when I’m walking. I break things, I’m always shattered, no one will sit beside me on a bus for example.
I have got OCD, CPTSD, dyspraxia, ?autism and depression, plus endo and PCOS. I’m on sertraline and mirtazapine together (started by a psychiatrist), which helps a lot - controls symptoms, helps me sleep, but the mirtazapine means all I think of in a normal day is food. It’s literally my first thought, it’s horrendous.
I was bullied in school and by family when I was growing up, and I’ve never had a proper relationship etc.
Big family history of heart disease, strokes etc which frightens me a lot.
I moved house this year, started a full time professional job, made friends, started a volunteering thing. I was on regular diazepam for 2 years which I’ve stopped altogether these last few months. I’m leaving the house, travelling, having fun for the first time in a long time.
My uncle after I moved house (to live closer to family) wanted me to try slimming world to lose weight. I lost about a stone in the first six weeks, but struggled to lose any more. I’m still going as I feel I can’t not.
I’ve now gained eight pound back, so this morning I’m 22 stone 9. I’m paying someone to tell me I’m gaining weight. I’m definitely making the wrong choices but the only way to make the right choices isn’t sustainable - the only way I was losing is to not eat, basically. Slimming world recipes are largely absolutely awful. It’s not proper food, it’s just endless sweeteners and mash ups of stuff they think is diet friendly!
I’m panicking as my uncle’s friend goes with me to group. I don’t know what family’s reaction will be if they hear I’ve gained.
Family suggested I look into bariatric surgery, or getting the injections, but both of them worry me a lot - food was my biggest friend for a long time and I’m not sure how I’d manage if that’s taken away, if that makes sense.
how can I help family understand that this isn’t entirely my fault? It obviously largely is, only I choose what I eat, but I don’t think my meds help at all!