Children's personalities as adults?

[sadiebelles]

Is the personality of a 19 year old fundamentally who they will be forever?

At what age do you think your children's core traits were set?

What kind of age did they develop a reciprocal relationship with you if ever?

I'm now 28 and I am no where near the same person as I was at 19

@kiana2015

Would your parents say the same?

19 year olds are still kids IMO. Life and experience, relationships and having children are all things that can have a profound effect on you. At 19 I thought I knew it all and knew nothing! Experience is the greatest teacher - as long as you're willing to listen and learn...

I think I was wondering if parents with adult children could see who there children were by the time they were teens?

I've read on multiple threads recently posters have said things like you are who you are at 12?

My mum treats me at50 the same as I was as a reckless 17 year old- I hate it and am determined not to do it to my dc

I'd say that my children's intrinsic character hasn't changed much since they were 19 (or even 12). But they're a more mature version of it in their mid 30s.

I think age 25, when the brain is done

I would say i havent changed my fundamental principles, maybe a bit more enthusiastic at19.

That's really interesting since you have seen your children grow up

I don't agree. Their personality is formed way earlier than that. It's what they do with their personality and how they handle their strengths and weaknesses that fixes more around 25.

Honestly, I'd say that mine were distinctly who they are, by 5.

I had a serious perfectionist and a quirky free spirit by the time they'd finished reception.

@saraclara

What about their relationship with you and how they treat you? Has that changed or been fundamentally the same?

I think I was who I was going to be from very young, certainly my early school reports still resonate "Conscientious, could do better if she focus on her own work and talked to her neighbours less"

Your brain doesn’t fully develop until you are 25 so I would assume who you are at 25 is who you are forever

@HPandthelastwish

What about your relationship with your parents? Is that the same?

Well how old were you when you solidified as who you are now, just look back at your own life to find out. Then there’s a persons character which remains the same and personality which can change more

@stargazerlil

For me I have had the same character values since as far back as I can remember.

I'm not sure that's the same for everyone and that's why I'm asking.

As a parent You don't really have a reciprocal relationship with a young child but say by 12 or early teens would you expect that to be developing?

Yes was only talking about it the other day actually. The person I am now would not have the same thoughts or mindset as 19 year old me in any way

My SDC are young adults and I have known them since they were kids. Obviously they have changed and matured but much of their core personality is still the same.

@kiana2015

You say thoughts and mindset. Were you for example an uncaring person before?

Why'd do you ask OP?

Do you have DC and struggling with traits they have (selfish, uncaring) or do you hope to keep their traits?

@ChicaChow

Yes that's why I asked. Been badly let down and hurt by them.

I knew he was like this earlier but assumed they would grow out of it. Thought that if I showed a good example of how to treat people they would. I think I was too passive about it and should have worked more on this.

My children are in their thirties, and I'd say their fundamental character traits were quite obvious from childhood, I'd say by about 5 or 6. Obviously they matured and developed as they went through education and life, but their personality traits were always there( both very different people despite having the same parents).
With one of them I knew from the age of about 3 that they were highly motivated, were able to understand about the benefits of delayed gratification, very hard working and set high standards for themselves. That continued and they developed great social skills and have turned out to be extremely successful in their career, well respected and happily married with many friends.
The other was never so self motivated, bad at planning and organising and that has followed through into having a less successful life in general.
I always had a close relationship with my son which continued all the way through teens and into adulthood and continue to have a close relationship with him and his wife. With the other child I don't have such a close relationship, it's absolutely fine, we see each other very regularly ,but they were one of those teens that is embarrased to think they even have a family, so those years were quite difficult and we never really regained the very close relationship.

I was thoughtless and self absorbed towards my parents at 19. I don’t think I was a bad person but I didn’t really see my parents as people who needed anything from me. I don’t think I missed any birthdays but I was terrible at keeping in touch as a student (this was before mobile phones).

Was the perfectionist the oldest? I think that's often the way.