What's your life stage at 40.

[Oreyt]

It's a mad age really I think. Some could have a 22 year old. Some might have a newborn. Some are happy childless. Some could still be trying.

I'm 40 with a 12 and 14 year old.
Married 10 years. Together 18.
Never had a career.

I'm 38 on Wednesday, so damn close to 40. I have an 18 month old and a 5 year old and DH and I have been doing a deep dive into our finances to see if we can afford a 3rd child.

I'm about to start my dream job after years clawing my way up the career ladder. Own a gorgeous garden flat in a fab area, although it comes with a monster mortgage...

I think I remember you from the living in NYC AMA?

Had no idea you were so young - thought you sounded like someone who was 25+ years into a career (at least to be able to afford to raise a family in Manhattan!)

44 single no kids in-between career jobs. I didn't plan it but a relationship broke down at 32, I thought I'd get on the career ladder solo, which took longer than I would have liked, then at 36 I got diagnosed with an illness. Got back on an even keel at 39, then at 40 it was 2020 and we had a pandemic 🤣

I then came to the conclusion it was too much pressure at 42 to meet someone and try for a baby almost straight away, plus the pool of men who want children is so small by this point, I didn't want to be looking for a baby provider. At the same time I didn't want to meet someone I really liked who didn't want kids and feel like the decision was taken away from me. So I parked it and focused a bit more on me. Within that I realised that pregnancy at my age (also given the diagnosis) probably isn't for me. I've come to think fostering would be something I am open to.

I think it was all just too difficult as I moved back in with family early 30s which killed my social life at the time. My focus is more on making rest of 40s and 50s awesome.

Just about to turn 40. Happily married for 14 years with 2 DC 5&8. Have a good career and now work part time in my chosen profession. Youngest just started school so more me time and enjoying jointing fitness classes etc and focussing on my health. Generally life is really good just now

I’m 40, married 11 years and have a 9 and 10 year old. I gave up my career to be a SAHM, but went back to work last year in a part time, term time role which is great as it does mean I have flexibility to work out and get things done which are important to me (e.g. preparing for holidays & special events, and interior design etc).

Both children have ADHD and youngest has “high functioning” austism, which I find incredibly difficult sometimes. They are wonderful, funny people though and my eldest is a dream.

If I’m honest with myself, my husband was incredibly immature and pretty useless for a huge chunk of our relationship. Thankfully, he has been open minded enough to realise this and has worked on himself immeasurably and consequently we are in a much better place. I have far greater self worth than ever.

At 40 both my children were young adults and had left home. I was just about to divest myself of my second husband. I had completed my degree as a mature student and had just started working for the NHS. In my 40s was the gateway to a new, different and better life.

At 40we had bought our forever home and I had a 4 and 5 year old and in a career since the age of 21

Mid 40s. 25yo & 20yo. Married 25y

40 was a good year for me. I lost a lot of weight and looked good. I had 3 kids, youngest just started primary and I got a part time job in a charity shop. I then knew for sure it was time for me to go back to work. At 41 I started a part time job I love. At 40 I had just moved into a lovely house, yes it was a lot of work and stressful but it was to be our family home. Was married 12 years at the time.

@Crushed23 I mean we do have an absolutely gigantic mortgage, so it's pretty tight, but it's worth it!

I had high expectations for being 40 so this year has been a bit tough.
I've got 2 amazing children (13 and 11) who I get on well with, they're healthy, happy and doing well and I am very grateful.
Married 16 years together 23 years - currently not overly happily but plodding on.
Beautiful house that needs loads of work, it's been really hard few years living in a building site and making slow progress.
I feel completely unsure about career - I tried and failed at a new venture this year, I have a professional job with lots of different routes and I don't know where I want to be, my current contract is ending and I'm jobless job hunting and scared.
The other thing I want to change is my appearance, struggling with looking older,fatter and need things like dental work which I can't afford.

I am almost 40. At that stage:

DDs will be 11 and 9.
I'll have been married to DH for 12 years.
Own our own home.
Mid-level career wise which is enough for me.

I was pregnant with my DD at 40 and had a 3 yo DS. Not married but been with partner for 7 years at that point.

Now 51, still with DP, kids 11 and 13, live in a nice house with a mega mortgage in London.

Can't complain at all really 😊

I’m nearly 38, kids are 6 and 4. I qualified as a lawyer at 27, got married at 29, bought our house at 30.

By 40 I hope to have had another baby, make partner, celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary with DH, and finish my house renovations! We are financially solid though mortgage is huge.

I’m 42 now but 2 years ago I had been married for 13 years, had dc aged 21, 18, 15 and 8, worked full time and was 5 years into my mortgage (which is pretty small thankfully as I live in a cheap area).

Not much has changed tbh apart from us all being 2 years older and me being made redundant last month. I’ve accepted another job which starts in January though so life should still plod along quite nicely.

I'm not far off 40.

Have a 17yo DSS along with 12yo and 8yo DDs.
Own our own house near where we grew up
Been married for 14years this month
Good level in our careers - DH is very senior, I'm at the bottom tier of the SLT with a level of responsibility which suits me at the moment.

Happy with our lot in life, we have a nice time.

I'm 40. I'm single and childfree.

I've never once thought about having children.

At 40 I had a 10 and an 8 year old, just graduated from a masters and started a new career. It was a good time.
I'm not sure if I'll be as happy at 50 but you never know what will change.

Why is everything in your opening post about children?

I'm 40 and the thought of children has never even crossed my mind

There are so many other things to think about.
Art, hobbies, work, relationships, friends, travel.

I find it wild that our kids are almost adults and our friends have just had babies. Tbh, though, although I felt like I was missing out when ours were younger I’m certainly glad I did it this way round now we’ve got our freedom back. Also, I don’t know where I’d have the energy for a baby now - it was hard enough at 23!

This is Mumsnet, I recon it probably safe to assume that the majority of people on here will be/want to be parents.

I was a newly-wed at 40.

Not at all. There's loads of people that post on here , that don't have children.

There are so many different topics on mumsnet, that are not related to children at all.

Of course the OP can include children in her post. But having children is just one thing of many.

She made it the main point of her post.

It just seems a bit sad and redundant to define how a womans life is at the age of 40,

Just by whether she has children or not

That's like saying children are the equivalent to having a big car or getting a promotion at work

Plenty of people who have children or want to have children wouldn't call that sad.