Strange woman

[NavyOrca]

I had the most unbelievable conversation with somebody last night and it has left me feeling very sad, I don’t know what I’m actually hoping to achieve by posting here but I’m still trying to process what was said to me…!

DH and I live on a new build estate which is a couple of mins drive down the road from a large village. We love living here, and see us being in this house for the foreseeable.

Back story- When we first moved here, I joined a Facebook group for the village as a whole, which includes people from this estate (a neighbour told me about the group). It became obvious fairly quickly after joining, that a lot of the older/original villagers did not want this new estate to be built. Lots of discussions on the group about it. Fair enough, I respect that. The housebuilder has ploughed quite a lot of £ into a couple of local incentives, but I absolutely respect the right to others of an opinion about something like this.

I’m in the main village fairly regularly; the local shops / hairdressers /GP etc. I’ve always felt welcome whenever I’ve chatted to anyone, despite what is said on the Facebook group.

That is- until last night. DH and I went to the village Christmas lights switch-on event. It was based in the car park of one of the pubs and we got chatting to a woman who wanted to make a fuss of our dog. She was older than us, I’d say in her 50’s probably . All very friendly at first. Until she asked us whereabouts in the village we lived.

We mentioned we are on the new estate and that’s when she completely changed towards us :( I kind of semi-joked about the Facebook group and said I guess it must’ve been a big adjustment for the village to have a new estate here, but that we do love living here. She then asked if we both work in the area (no - we both work but from home, and not local companies). She then rather bizarrely asked if we had our children at the village school (no, we don’t have any).

She then answered quite aggressively with , “Well, then you bring absolutely nothing of value to the village then, do you? And that’s why we don’t want you lot here!” .. and walked off!!? I could not believe how quickly she turned so nasty on us.

I didn’t even get to mention that we both use local amenities regularly, and I volunteer in the area. Not that I should be needing to justify myself, but you know what I mean…!

I told DH I wanted to go home, and we left.

I have felt so upset all evening; prior to moving here, we’d lived in an absolutely dire area for several years with awful immediate neighbours, my mental health was in the bin by the time we left that place, and I truly thought that by moving here, we had found somewhere somewhere to stay long-term. I’d been feeling so much happier.

Please, I really don’t want this to descend into a conversation about newbuild Estates in general I know they can be controversial, I just felt like I needed to get this out as I just cannot believe what was said to me by this woman tonight :(

Thank you to anyone who has bothered to read all of my ramblings .

The developer hasn't ploughed money into the local area, it's paid SIL to the council, who are highly unlike to invest it back into the community unless rallied relentlessly by the local community. I say that working for a housebuilder.

Aside from that, why let her opinion bother you, people don't like change, that is well established. And in 15 years time I'm sure your estate will be be moaning the latest addition to the village and the grid lock it's causing. Such is life.

What an absolute bitch. I bet you were raging.
Try and put it out of your head. I bet you people know what's shes like and she's really unpopular.

I agree with @BaronessMachiavelli
Also, maybe it doesn't apply in your area, but round here builders of new estates always promise a proportion of "affordable" homes for local young families (prices here are sky high and wages are low - it's a holiday area) and then wriggle out of some, if not all of them. Or they promise to build "sympathetically" from local materials, but part way through it's suddenly too expensive.
There is also no consideration about providing extra health care - more GPs etc.

Okay, but where does it justify the woman behaving like that towards me really?

It's one woman, you don't even know her, you are giving this far too much head space.

I was brought up in a rural area in a very small village. People have this rose tinted view of village life which has little to do with reality.

Where I was brought up (I can't speak for everywhere) it was very closed to outsiders. For example, you'd go to a pub in another village and they'd refuse to serve you or locals would try to start trouble.

I worked in a local pub and you'd get people asking you how long you'd been there to judge you. You'd get generations of the same family living in the area and they were very resentful of 'Londoners' buying up homes, pushing up prices and pushing out locals.

Where my sister lives the place is almost unrecognisable with all the housebuilding that's going on. Surrounding farmland has all been brought up and there are new builds everywhere.

Of course it's changed the dynamic of the area and increased the pressure on the local infrastructure. The town centre has completely changed and is full of overpriced restaurants, there's a Weatherspoons and huge SUVs clogging up the roads.

That's not to say that anyone should be rude to you but I imagine you were scapegoated. People are resentful of the changes for the worse in their area.

TL;DR villages are not idylls and many people don't like changes and 'outsiders'. My advice is to ignore them.

She sounds vile OP, hopefully you'll make some more decent friends in the area, perhaps from the same estate as you live in. Some people really do think they're more important than they are!

Had you worked for a local company and had children attending the local school, she’d probably have said you had taken jobs and school places away from local folk.

Spending money and volunteering are adding value without taking anything. The only thing you have taken is the plot of land that had already been built on before you arrived.

Yes, there really is no pleasing people like that I suppose!

The world is full of cunts OP and you've just had the misfortune of meeting one. Don't sweat it. I wouldn't give the woman the time of day in future unless she apologises.

Honestly don’t even think about it, I’d have laughed or raised an eye brow and carried on my evening.

they are building a new estate near me, some of the locals are clearly obsessed,I often read it on Facebook, and it’s always folks who don’t have jobs, ie sahp, unemployed, retired.

so they are bored and looking for a cause to unite them.

I live in a similar situation.

The new estate isn't liked. There's people in my village who've been here generations and generations. The new estate mostly has families who have moved in from elsewhere in the county as it's cheaper than the big towns in my county.

The community facilities that are built as part of the estate aren't needed. They built a community centre and the village already has a village hall and two church halls.

What it needs is more money to the GP (hard to get an appointment) and money on the roads (but that is county council who are broke).

I airily say I live out X way these days.

English villages are full of the most poisonous people imaginable. It always amazes me that we lived cheek by jowl with all sorts of people in central London and rubbed along perfectly well and now we live in a village, there’s endless bitching about everything and constant sniping between various neighbours.

I just accept that whatever we do will upset someone so just don’t care what anyone thinks.

There's always one weirdo.
I have lived in my village for years... much smaller than yours I am guessing from the facilities you describe! A row of bungalows was built and no-one in the village felt 100% happy about it ... in my case because they quite unnecessarily ripped out yards if ancient hedge ... but no-one has ever held that against the people who bought the bungalows and who live there ... we welcomed them in and they are fully involved in the village.
For financial reasons I recently had to sell my home and move to a new build in the village ... on a group of 7 new houses. Because I was in the village at the time of the planning permission and building of these I know and understand how many people did not want these houses to be built ... so I can see both sides! But the new residents are not penalised in any way for what is not their fault. They are welcomed and absorbed into village life.
I know how hurtful this must have felt for you, but honestly this woman's behaviour is not normal. She clearly has problems of her own and you need to try and put this behind you. There is always one rotten apple, but don't let that spoil your delight in your new home. There are bound to be some resentments as people struggle with change, but I am sure you will find that the majority of residents are more sensible .... and indeed kinder.
My own immediate neighbour has lived in the village for yonks and had no desire to have my house built right by her spoiling their view, but she has always been kind, and I have always acknowledged how difficult it must have been.
Don't let one unpleasant person get you down.

I have lived in my small village for decades and really do not recognise your description. There is a true sense of community and caring for each other here. I feel supported and content, especially since my OH died ... people cannot do enough and everyone pulls together with a great social scene going on. It is a warm and nurturing environment.

She was very rude. There's a reason for her behaviour that's nothing to do with you.

You've taken it too seriously. You didn't need to leave the event.

Try to let it go and hopefully you'll meet some nicer village residents soon.

This. She has her opinion and told you. Better than bitching behind your back. Everyone else is fine, don't concentrate on her.

Ahhh, bless her (sarcasm)
She's been dying to say that to someone from the new estate, she'll have had this discussion with her pals "people from the new estate, moving into our village but not adding anything of value to the community "
She bumps into you, you're all lovely and chatty (i.e., no threat), and BAM, here's her chance to air her views.
That's why she walked off before you could respond.
She wanted to be nasty but didn't want a conversation about it as she probably hadn't thought any further than her original small-minded opinion.
Put it down to experience, dont let her upset you, that's what she wanted, don't give her any power.

One rotten egg out of a big bunch- don’t let it ruin your omelette. She was clearly bang out of order. Now draw a line under it and avoid her in future. It’s not the big deal it now feels like it is, time will help you see that and I wouldn’t be surprised if the other villagers have had encounters with her as well so it might not even be as much about the estate as you think.

It's the same in my village. But I know from people who were born and bred here that when this estate was built, forty years ago, there was much muttering about it being filled with people that would work in the nearest city. But now it's a mixture of young, middling and older people(me!) and and it's the friendliest place I have lived in for some time.

OP I had an altercation with an older woman one time and it ended with me saying well when I wake up in the morning, I'm glad I'll be me and not you.

It was rude of me, but I'm picturing you in your gorgeous home, lovely cup of Joe, supportive partner, excited for Christmas...and she'll have all that negativity, hatred, repeated conversations villagers seeking validation...live your best life OP. It sounds a cracker!

We live on the outskirts of a national park , but my town is a working industrial town , and not really touristy .
Was with my dh at a chiller cabinet in a shop discussing what to buy , when a women ( 70s ) noticed our accent and asked if we were on holiday . We said no , lived here 15 years and she went into a rant about coming here , taking all the good jobs , buying up all the houses , taking all the Dr appointments etc ! Batshit , your encounter was as well. Ignore her .

People who are originally from somewhere or have lived there a long time often have some weird sense of superiority. We have a similar issue where I live and it’s often brought up on the local Facebook group.

Some people see it as an achievement to have never set foot away from where they were born, and they think it means they own it. It’s a weird kind of snobbery. Round here you’re determined to be worthy dependant on if you refer to an area as water side or water front. The OG’s really love getting on their bandwagon about that one.
I’d honestly just ignore it, keep being invested in the elements you enjoy and take it for what it is. They will have something else to moan about soon enough.

Sorry that happened. I agree with others - she'll be locally notorious...

When we moved into our area (outer London) we received a leaflet inviting us to join the neighbourhood association. I joined and discovered a fair bit of their discussion was around trying to prevent the building of townhouses as infill. Like the one we lived in.

It led to quite an interesting discussion and now I have been here 20+ years, I can see the problems infilling, extending, converting to HMO and new builds bring. For one thing we live in a permanent construction site. Although I have no desire to have a go at someone who lives in any of these!