Strange woman

[NavyOrca]

I had the most unbelievable conversation with somebody last night and it has left me feeling very sad, I don’t know what I’m actually hoping to achieve by posting here but I’m still trying to process what was said to me…!

DH and I live on a new build estate which is a couple of mins drive down the road from a large village. We love living here, and see us being in this house for the foreseeable.

Back story- When we first moved here, I joined a Facebook group for the village as a whole, which includes people from this estate (a neighbour told me about the group). It became obvious fairly quickly after joining, that a lot of the older/original villagers did not want this new estate to be built. Lots of discussions on the group about it. Fair enough, I respect that. The housebuilder has ploughed quite a lot of £ into a couple of local incentives, but I absolutely respect the right to others of an opinion about something like this.

I’m in the main village fairly regularly; the local shops / hairdressers /GP etc. I’ve always felt welcome whenever I’ve chatted to anyone, despite what is said on the Facebook group.

That is- until last night. DH and I went to the village Christmas lights switch-on event. It was based in the car park of one of the pubs and we got chatting to a woman who wanted to make a fuss of our dog. She was older than us, I’d say in her 50’s probably . All very friendly at first. Until she asked us whereabouts in the village we lived.

We mentioned we are on the new estate and that’s when she completely changed towards us :( I kind of semi-joked about the Facebook group and said I guess it must’ve been a big adjustment for the village to have a new estate here, but that we do love living here. She then asked if we both work in the area (no - we both work but from home, and not local companies). She then rather bizarrely asked if we had our children at the village school (no, we don’t have any).

She then answered quite aggressively with , “Well, then you bring absolutely nothing of value to the village then, do you? And that’s why we don’t want you lot here!” .. and walked off!!? I could not believe how quickly she turned so nasty on us.

I didn’t even get to mention that we both use local amenities regularly, and I volunteer in the area. Not that I should be needing to justify myself, but you know what I mean…!

I told DH I wanted to go home, and we left.

I have felt so upset all evening; prior to moving here, we’d lived in an absolutely dire area for several years with awful immediate neighbours, my mental health was in the bin by the time we left that place, and I truly thought that by moving here, we had found somewhere somewhere to stay long-term. I’d been feeling so much happier.

Please, I really don’t want this to descend into a conversation about newbuild Estates in general I know they can be controversial, I just felt like I needed to get this out as I just cannot believe what was said to me by this woman tonight :(

Thank you to anyone who has bothered to read all of my ramblings .

Absolutely they are. People need somewhere to live. But there are two sides to every situation. There's no benefit in ignoring the fact that your actions can have a detrimental impact on others. This woman's life HAS been impacted by the changes to her local infrastructure and she has an absolute right to be unhappy about it. The difference is choices. The local woman has been impacted by the choices of others. Empathy is often the way to find common ground rather than demonising either side.

My parents bought a house in a new build estate in the 1960s. They’ve lived there for almost 60 years but are still referred to as ‘new Village Name’ by people whose families lived in the village prior to that.
There have been a few more new housing developments in the village over the years. All of them unpopular, but the original villagers do eventually allow the newcomers to integrate, even if they have long memories.

Thanks, I know for definite one thing the developers did do was make quite a large contribution to the village football club and they have been able to massively improve their facilities and equipment. Same with the community centre. But no doubt there will be people on here who find faults in those things too lol.

This is the problem, no more healthcare and it seems to be happening in alot of places

Woman was nasty though

Luckily, our local surgery is amazing and you can easily get appointments, even with us newcomers :)

That sounds amazing and very different from where I live.

Can you post anonymously in your village group? If so, I would post about it and how it made you feel. Shame her. I bet lots of people would support you.

In our village a developer bought a farm, bulldozed the buildings and built a new estate. There were demos, complaints to the council etc., but permission was given and it went ahead despite the strain on village services.
A month ago a woman joined a club I belong to. We asked where she lived just out of interest, as people tend to team up to walk home together, especially when it's dark. She replied Please don't hate me, but on the new estate.

It made me feel bad for her. Yes we didn't want the new estate, but it's the council and developer to blame, not anyone who lives there.
What I am trying to get across is that a new resident shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable for buying a house on a new estate. OP that woman sounds so rude. Try to ignore the likes of her and enjoy your new home.

Don’t let one nasty person spoil things for you.

Exactly this.

Our estate is built on an old cement works, which had been closed down and derelict since the 1970s!

Also - there is the usual proportion of social housing and shared ownership which obviously gives homes to people who can’t afford to buy the usual way. That has to be a good thing, surely.

She's not wrong, is she? She shouldn't have said it to you, of course. But looks like she has a better understanding of things than most.

I live in a city full of "expats" (meaning "immigrants, but rich and mostly white") and I know expats are just pricing out the locals and not building anything to the city. Until they all leave for the next "cool" place.

Grow a thicker skin and enjoy your new village.

Well there you go, that's not CIL, that's just a decent thing to do. Fair play to the developer! Screw the moody old cow.

I don't know why the local villagers are directing their anger towards you, when the more realistic threat comes from people who buy holiday homes for themselves that are basically empty apart from two weeks a year, or holiday homes as a business opportunity on Air BnB.

All nice villages are being decimated by wealthy second home owners who don't give a shit about the local community. They in fact actively destroy community.

You don't! You use the local shops, the hairdresser etc etc and walk your dog locally to where you live, go see the Christmas lights turned on, you ARE the community 😄

This woman has misdirected anger. Things change. Try not to let her upset you anymore. She's definitely someone's hated MIL 😆

Maybe just put it down to one old bag being bored, bitter, nothing else to mither about, and possibly being on the sherry all day?

She doesn't deserve the headspace OP. Enjoy your lovely new life as you were doing.

I really wouldn't give it another thought.
She isn't worth the head space.
Just a very sad, rude, entitled woman. She has no right to say who should live where or comment on what you bring or don't bring to the area.
I would have laughed in her face.
Don't get into petty Facebook wars with people like this, it only fuels them and gives them the attention they so desperately need to fill their empty days and heads.

I think what she said was unacceptable.

Lots of people do not have children and work from home remotely. Are they not entitled to live where they want? I think the statement that this category of adult do not add any value to the local community is extremely discriminatory. From a fiscal perspective, they tend to be net contributors and - even if they are not - any hierarchical ranking of humanity from “most value” to “least value” is horrible

She just doesn't want to see change. I realise it's difficult for some to accept that their part of the world can irreversibly alter, and the fact that there's not one thing they can do about it

Were there protests prior to the build of your development? If so, was she a part of it?

I'm a major "blown in", (as strangers are called here), to the tiny village where I live, and have been told to go back to where I'm from by some of the villagers. The majority of people are friendly though, and I don't let the misery guts get me down.

Hold your head high, nod at her when you see her next, and live a happy life in your new home. Everything will be fine

You sound delightful, I’m glad I don’t live near you.

Sorry to hear about your unpleasant experience OP,but honestly,I wouldn't give her headspace. She sounds like a bitter,twisted bitch.

My apologies for the 2am, hospital room, hadn't slept yet, on mat leave, typo. 🙄

That woman has a toxic attitude because she is riddled with prejudice. She's a parasite and you should avoid any contact with her in the future, because she will drain you.

Be careful on the village facebook, just in case vinegar tits gets the urge to target you online and if so, bring the full force of the law onto her. Watch your step around her.

She will reap what she sews one day

Let it go. You just can't win with some people. If you had kids in the local school and worked locally she'd have said you were talking jobs and school places away from the local community. You actually bring more to the community - you're supporting local business by bringing money in and spending it locally. You're exactly what the village needs.

Vinegar tits 🤣🤣 omg that is amazing thank you for the laugh. I’ve never heard that expression before!!

oh absolutely, I will not be posting anything on Facebook about this.

She sounds very difficult but the massive building going on now near villages that have stayed the same for decades can be very threatening.

I live near Lewes, a very posh market town in the South East which has hosted the biggest fireworks display in Europe for 100s of years.

I actually read on here last year that a very rich Londoner who'd recently moved there with his family, was getting very friendly with the head of Lewes Council, and was trying to wine and dine him to persuade him to end the fireworks, as he thought this one day annual event was too disruptive!

Outrageous behaviour of this kind is why villagers fear change.

Try not to think about the judgy weird c**

There are some nasty people around and sadly there always will be.