Strange woman

[NavyOrca]

I had the most unbelievable conversation with somebody last night and it has left me feeling very sad, I don’t know what I’m actually hoping to achieve by posting here but I’m still trying to process what was said to me…!

DH and I live on a new build estate which is a couple of mins drive down the road from a large village. We love living here, and see us being in this house for the foreseeable.

Back story- When we first moved here, I joined a Facebook group for the village as a whole, which includes people from this estate (a neighbour told me about the group). It became obvious fairly quickly after joining, that a lot of the older/original villagers did not want this new estate to be built. Lots of discussions on the group about it. Fair enough, I respect that. The housebuilder has ploughed quite a lot of £ into a couple of local incentives, but I absolutely respect the right to others of an opinion about something like this.

I’m in the main village fairly regularly; the local shops / hairdressers /GP etc. I’ve always felt welcome whenever I’ve chatted to anyone, despite what is said on the Facebook group.

That is- until last night. DH and I went to the village Christmas lights switch-on event. It was based in the car park of one of the pubs and we got chatting to a woman who wanted to make a fuss of our dog. She was older than us, I’d say in her 50’s probably . All very friendly at first. Until she asked us whereabouts in the village we lived.

We mentioned we are on the new estate and that’s when she completely changed towards us :( I kind of semi-joked about the Facebook group and said I guess it must’ve been a big adjustment for the village to have a new estate here, but that we do love living here. She then asked if we both work in the area (no - we both work but from home, and not local companies). She then rather bizarrely asked if we had our children at the village school (no, we don’t have any).

She then answered quite aggressively with , “Well, then you bring absolutely nothing of value to the village then, do you? And that’s why we don’t want you lot here!” .. and walked off!!? I could not believe how quickly she turned so nasty on us.

I didn’t even get to mention that we both use local amenities regularly, and I volunteer in the area. Not that I should be needing to justify myself, but you know what I mean…!

I told DH I wanted to go home, and we left.

I have felt so upset all evening; prior to moving here, we’d lived in an absolutely dire area for several years with awful immediate neighbours, my mental health was in the bin by the time we left that place, and I truly thought that by moving here, we had found somewhere somewhere to stay long-term. I’d been feeling so much happier.

Please, I really don’t want this to descend into a conversation about newbuild Estates in general I know they can be controversial, I just felt like I needed to get this out as I just cannot believe what was said to me by this woman tonight :(

Thank you to anyone who has bothered to read all of my ramblings .

Hi Op I am not surprised to hear of these comments.I suspect that this person described has not had a life in any other place that her narrow minded small world,shame! Needs to grow up.

We have lived in a number of villages of the last number of years or so and in some the reaction you got from this woman is typical of a narrow minded numptie. Some have been friendly and welcoming. They forget that they have no right to assume as they lived in the area a long time that they can dictate what happens and who can live there.

The worst example we have encountered was living in a well coastal area of this country where openly the people who were living in the area a long time would take an almost instant dislike to anyone who moved into the village. Ignoring you turning their backs on you.Strange the people, local tradesmen who did not like newcomers, would take money, mostly building renovations, from the newcomers. Talk about double standards and hypocrisy.

In the coming months there is new development of about 60 houses that are going to appear and I shudder to think what their action will be to the new residents.

What I have described about these "locals" is reflected in the high turnover of new residents or others after years of being shunned have decided to leave.Anyone wating to move to this place which I am not going to mention needs to look at the sold prices available and figure out why there has been such a high turnover of properties.

Needless to say we moved away as we had enough.

Good luck Op

I don't really understand why people are so hostile about new build estates? You didn't buy the land and build on it. You needed a home and bought one that had already been built. If not you, then someone else.
Some people are unkind, rude and quite honestly stupid. You would have to have pretty low intelligence to say what she said to you as it makes no sense.
Sorry she said that to you, I'd have been upset too. I do hope she receives the same treatment in the future.

The villagers , including this woman, had every right to be angry at the new development. And to vocalise their anger at the planning proposal stage. And to not like the effect it has had on their village.BUT she had no right whatsoever to transfer this anger on to yourself and other new home owners just because you bought a house you had every right to buy.

I think this is an example of regrettably common behaviour of people being unwelcoming to newcomers. I get it to a certain extent in the area I live in - it's a tight knit community of a smallish town where most of the people are born and bred. I'm not only a " stranger" but I have a different accent to prove it. But whereas the locals here might be a bit frostier with me and I feel not so accepted they in no way have been as rude and out spoken as the woman you encountered.

I know it's easy to say OP but try not to let a rude unpleasant woman upset you. She was totally out of order and has shown herself up to be small minded and insular.

Every single house ever built - including the one this rude woman lives in - was at one point a new build.

She should wind her neck in, and you should enjoy your lovely new home.

She uttered a couple of sentences 'in an aggressive way..."
So, was she just sounding cross, or was she right in your face being so vicious spittle was flying into your face?
Beecause there's aggression, and then there's an older person who says something to diss where you live...

I've moved many times and lived in cities and villages and there's always been a few local weirdos who have taken a dislike to me not being 'local'. I live in a village now and I'm mainly friends with people who moved here from London as we're all in the same boat. But local people have warmed to me for volunteering, going to church and taking part in community events but it takes time. Don't let one local nutter spoil your happiness.

I thought you might be from my home village until you mentioned hairdressers and shops. They only had a shop/post office and it recently closed but the new estate is causing a lot of issues there.

Villages don't like new people full stop. It takes a looong time to be seen as local and even then you won't be "from" the village. The additional traffic and the stigma of new builds in general just gives them something to be hateful about. And village people are hateful!

I describe by home village as a place where you can't take a breath in without 20 people knowing the exact intake of breath, 10 people giving it a good guess and 40 people gossiping about it.

For every woman like this, there are 2/3 nice ones. Ignore her. She's the problem, not you. If she thinks it's ok to be like that, that shouldn't affect you. Carry on living there and enjoy it. You are bringing plenty to the village and every ounce of it is better received than her bitterness.

So rude. We’ve had a few new estates built on the edge of our villages, and there’s always the grumbles of spoiling the countryside, lack of amenities etc, but once built, no one hates the residents. As you say, more people means the local shops have more custom etc.

I’m sorry your evening was ruined.

This lady and the estate are irrelevant - there are too many people in the world to think everyone has the same opinion - why let one woman’s opinion affect your evening…your happiness? Why give her this power? You need to ask yourself why you would do that. Take it back ! You deserve to be happy like everyone does. She doesn’t own the village!

This is rather like people who want a hospital but don’t want it next door to them. There is a lack of housing in this country and this type of development will happen more and more.
I live in a converted Church. Some locals might be annoyed about that.
It’s simply her opinion so ignore and if you see her again you know to avoid.

She is 1 woman and not reflective of your experience to date - you get twats everywhere and that's all she is. Shake it off keep building relationships and move on.

I lived in a village once. There weren’t any new builds, we lived in one of the old houses.

I was treated with similar disdain as I’d had the audacity to move to the village, having not been born in the area (no, it wasn’t a sweeping in from London move!)

Best day of my life was leaving and moving back to a large town. Some people in villages can be absolute “local shop for local people” bellends.

A new build estate isn’t your problem. You bought a house; big whoop, it happens to be new and the villagers with their pitchforks didn’t like it. What were you supposed to do, see a house you liked and think, “oh dear, I can’t buy this! Think of the local GP surgery!” Some will continue to be wankers about it, unfortunately.

Just a point of clarification, it's 'CIL', which stands for Community Infrastructure Levy, and yes, that is a charge councils can require of developers as part of the planning consent. It is a contribution to the local infrastructure (roads, schools, healthcare facilities etc) that will be required. I'm not sure how you know that's definitively what the OP is referring to though.

But to speak to the wider point, there will always be angry people who resent change. Without new blood, old villages can whither and decline. She has no more right to be there just because of an accident of birth (see also immigration!). Try and let it go and enjoy your new home, she doesn't speak for everyone, I have no doubt.

Your feelings are totally valid here OP, what an upsetting experience! That woman was very rude. I agree with previous posters about some villagers being territorial and unfriendly towards newcomers, however I’d hope this was the minority and you’ve just been unlucky. Try not to let this negatively effect you moving forwards; she is just one voice and you are bound to meet some much nicer people!

No behaviour like this is ever justified. But put it behind you and look for the good in the place. As someone who is second generation immigrant and living in a village, these things happen frequently in the UK (and elsewhere) - people find change difficult and it comes out in all sorts of weird ways.

The fact that you have settled really well is a real bonus to the village and give it time, you will forget the comment.

Do they treat the landowner who sold the land the houses were built on like this?
Most of them have lived there the longest. Where I live several local old farming families have become millionaires selling land to developers.
If they treat newcomers like this, in time the village will decline.

This. And pubs are closing every week. I bet they won't mind the extra custom.

Please don’t let this one person spoil your lovely new life. I’m sure she will be won around in time. You’ll probably be the one who scrapes her head off the pavement onto your cushioned jacket while you wait with her for an ambulance when she breaks her hip one frosty day in years to come.

Rehearse a response for any future hostility - there are so many good points in this thread which you could barrage any hostile traditionalist with - collect them together and prepare a speech you can whirl off the top of your head. With a big warm smile and a gentle head tilt.

I live a very peaceful life. If this lady had spoken to me this way it would shake me up. It was so rude, it's not jut an opinion, she's actually being mean.

This
Think no more about it.

Absolutely. Be happy. (That’ll really tick her off)

They did in the little place I live. The couple who sold the land were local, had done a huge amount for the community over many, many years but when they retired sold off a small field (I think it was about a acre) which they'd run as a campsite for housing to make a good sum to live on.
They were treated so nastily they moved to a village about 5 miles away.

She was telling you that you've made her life worse OP.

I've seen this where I live. We had a wealthy landowner sell to developers but simply don't have the infrastructure to support the residents of the hundreds of new flats. We have an oversubscribed resident parking scheme which means we got ticketed last month because there simply is nowhere to park because the amount of cars have increased. Likewise the amount of traffic has increased and the one road towards London is like a car park on weekday mornings. We really struggle to get a doctor's appointment when we need one and this has got so much worse since the new builds fell into their catchment. Anyone from the villages surrounding us has lost any chance of attending the good local schools as they're now oversubscribed and don't have additional money to expand their amount of spaces.

It's difficult to be on both sides. If people didn't buy new builds then developers wouldn't build them. Yet people need somewhere to live. What enrages me is the amount of empty and derelict properties all around us which could be put back into use without swamping an already overstretched community by introducing large numbers of new residents into one place. As previous posters have said, developers get the planning permission by promising to create enough infrastructure to support the population increase but rarely deliver on it.

She was telling you that you've made her life worse OP. Your entire rant was about how developers and those who oversee developments cause problems through lack of infrastructure. No one who buys a new build makes anyone else's life worse @2pence

People are entitled to buy what's legally developed.

You met the local nut job. Put her out of your mind op, she’s not important.