If you grew up in a home with domestic violence..

[Stripitout]

How does it affect you now? (If at all)

Has your perception of the situation changed with age?

I remember thinking very clearly why didn’t my mum just shut up, it was clearly making the whole thing worse and I couldn’t understand why she didn’t just leave him alone. I can see now how wrong that was - she was defending herself as best she could.

One of my earliest memories was my mum hiding money in the lining of the curtains, presumably so he didn’t drink all the food money away.

The utter dread when both of them were drinking and you just knew it was going to end in a row.

The police coming over in the middle of the night - sticking their heads in the bedroom to check and then leaving them both at the house to carry on.

Have you managed to make a relationship work with your parents now?

To the poster who said they don’t like sitting or being around couples who are “silently” arguing. I can feel the tension and anger rolling off them and can’t understand why other people can’t feel it.

Even now I wouldn’t be able to say what was worse the shouting and fighting or the days and days of thick cloying anger and silence. I would go between rooms to try and placate them and make them happy. I have issues with people pleasing and trying to defuse situations before they even begin.

On the upside im not intimidated by angry shouting men at work. I’ve been around them since I was small - you don’t scare or intimidate me

Please know that this feeling is temporary, you are putting in the work to make yourself and your family's lives better. Rage doesn't always have to be negative, it can drive people to be better and do better, so channel this to ensure that your life is full of joy, goodness and love.

Please don't give up.

I hate the feeling of moods and pick up on it very easily, I also cannot stand the sound of raised male voices. So I like watching football but have to have the sound a bit low. My alcoholic violent stepfather died when I was 13. My Mother was married 4 times, what is amazing is he was the one she really loved. She was both an incredibly intelligent and stupid woman at the same time. I was very low contact with her from my thirties onwards.

@Stripitout I’m the same around shouting. It doesn’t faze me at all. I always just think “Is that all you’ve got”.

That was me, god yes the people pleasing and being able to read peoples emotions from their face and “fawning” . I really have to work hard at work to not assume it’s my fault when someone is angry.

As an adult I remain hypervigilant and anxious. I also never ever put myself down in public, that would have resulted in being tormented by parents for perceived slight.

I am extremely anti alcohol. Can't walk down that aisle in supermarkets even. DH doesn't drink but my first hub was an alcoholic.

Certainly I've noticed when men "kick off" I retreat verbally and physically. I don't look for a way out, I just pretend to ignore it while being on high alert. When I say kick off, I mean just be a bit grumpy. It worries me tremendously. Probably good I don't go to pubs ever!

Becoming a parent made me even more aware of the need to provide stability and love for mu child, and routine and organisation. A home built on alcohol and violence is a chaotic one and above all I want DD to feel safe and loved at home.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/4801585-i-grew-up-in-a-house-of-domestic-violence-and-abuse?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Hello sorry to be late to this thread. Thought I'd trigger you all on a Saturday morning 😂 (joke of course, gallows humour for those of us in the if you didn't laugh you'd cry camp)

I did an ama being the kid who grows up in DV a while back (I've linked it I think) and I hope more cptsd women Continue to do things in the future also, writing and sharing experiences. Especially more AmAs because I think women in abuse situations need to ask questions to the people their kids will become.
I did this because at the time I felt there was an alarming number of posters being harmed physically, mentally and sexually in their homes and the hope was if you woman sees the impact it could have on her dc, she'll try everything to escape.

I'm not as fucked up and I could be, I have some literacy skills, I don't work anymore but not because of my childhood just I can't currently.
I'm sober, I'm as happy as anyone can be with perpetual trauma.
Hate loud noises. Hate raised voices and can't cope with people being angry.
But equally I'm also not to be fucked around with.
About aged 17 some man tried to mug me and I absolutely battered the fucker, punched him off of his bike.

So you know, I might inwardly be a fucking mess but I definitely go into fight not flight.

Sending you all healing and love. Our formative years left us very messed up.
All we can do is try to break cycles.

Love to everyone here.