Dd has been cheating with homework

[Anotherdayanotherbattle]

Dd has been struggling mentally. And also with school and homework. It got to the point she was getting really upset, frustrated etc. Mentally she's touched on that she wants to self harm but has not actually done it.

I contacted the school who have put counselling in place for her which starts next week.

I had also mentioned that dd is struggling academically. So they referred to senco . They are looking at possible dyslexia.
And also doing a referral for asd.

Also this evening the school rang me about home work time table . They said they could give dd a home work time table more suited to her. On the time table it says travel home x time... home work x time for 2 hours then it says down time. Then bedtime. I suggested to simplify it. Ie just say home work 2 hrs . And leave it at that. School then said to me the home work should not take 2 hours it's just a guide .

When I got of the phone I asked dd how long does your homework take she said 40 mins because I cheat.

So her homework is not going to reflect that she's struggling.

With the maths if you don't get such a percentage right it's classed as not complete and they get a detention. So I think dd has been cheating to avoid it.

I said to dd we need to be honest about what she's been doing because they don't know her true level. Ir do they via school lessons? Dd has begged me not to say anything. But im not sure that's a good idea . I don't think she's dine it for the sake of cheating but to cover up het struggle. I don't want to get het into trouble. But also she can't keep doing it.

Dd is 14 in year 10.

How is she cheating?

2 hours a night for homework??? Missing the point completely, but that's ridiculous!

With the maths if you don't get such a percentage right it's classed as not complete and they get a detention. So I think dd has been cheating to avoid it.

School is wrong to have that policy. If a child cannot manage to achieve a good mark in the homework then that is not a disciplinary matter - it is a reason to put in the right help.

No wonder she's struggling if you make her do 2 hours homework every night.

It's the school that sets 2 hours home work... but they also say it should not actually take 2hrs . I don't make her do 2hrs

2 hours a night? That's crazy! Our school gives max 1hr 30 per week.

Again, I think it depends on how she is cheating. Is she actually cheating or is she finding away around her difficulties like she would be able to in the real world? We had a massive fight with DC1's school that he should be allowed to e.g write his working on a piece of paper as he can't hold numbers in his head but they wanted him to do it only in his head.

With the maths if you don't get such a percentage right it's classed as not complete and they get a detention.
I would also have a massive issue with this. So they punish the child who tries but doesn't understand the same as the child who doesn't bother to even try it? That's a great way to cause children to disengage with their education and I would fight the school on that.

She's looking up the answers.

Sounds fair enough. Didn't we all do that?

Giving a detention for getting answers wrong in maths is ridiculous. There are plenty of children out there doing the best they can who just haven't 'got' a math technique yet. If they can't do the homework in the time, or get it wrong (apart from repeated arithmetical errors due to being slapdash) they should get additional help, not detention.

If she's looking up the answers and using that to correct her technique and she gains an understanding how the math works that is fine. If she's just writing the answers down without working out how to get there then its not.

What sort of school is this? I've never heard of schools giving detentions for wrong answers - did the school tell you that or is it a rumour?

This is why homework is pretty pointless. Surely a lot of kids just rush it to get it over with and learn nothing from it? I'd be pissed off about the detention for getting it wrong though.

I think you would be better speaking to the school. No one here will know if what your dd is telling you is true because they don't know the system. Likewise for the amount. A teacher may set up to 60 mins of Geography homework but this doesn't have to be done in one night. It might also be less than the max 60 mins.

So should i just leave it.. I know they are now looking at SEN and senco at school are involved. So I'm thinking maybe they will find out through assessments how much she's struggling?

I wonder if your DD’s school uses the same maths app ours does (Sparks?) because my 14yo DD told me the same thing about getting a detention if not complete. We had lots of tears about this and I was unimpressed. However, I did eventually discover that if you keep getting a question wrong on the app it will offer the option of an easier question, so the child can complete the homework.

I'm sure they will know how much she struggles in school.

If she’s struggling mentally and is possibly ASD I’d be tempted to tell school that for the rest of term she will not be doing any homework. Maybe a few weeks to have home as a school free place would be helpful.

Expecting her to do 2 hours a night is ridiculous after a day at school. Punishing for mistakes is also dreadful (I can well imagine this happens as my son’s school regularly punished dc for making mistakes).

As for cheating - i bet most dc do this with homework now. Why wouldn’t you?

Our secondary school is the same with maths. It's all online. My daughter can not move on to the next question until she gets the answer correct. I have tried to help her, but I don't understand the majority of it myself. She just Googles the answers. 🤷🏻‍♀️
If they don't complete a certain amount, they get a detention after school. I've spoken to the school about it, and tbh they just don't care. Their reply is for her to print it off in her own time and complete it that way.

"If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying"

Explain to her the consequences of being caught, and let her make her own decisions.

It's good that she feels she can admit this to you though! She's asked you not to break her trust, so you might want to think of the consequences of telling her school for something so inconsequential as a bit of math homework.

(Assuming she's not planning on becoming a statistician or professional Countdown player or something 😅)

Yes that's the one. I had forgotten. Dd has not mentioned about getting an easier question though
How many easier questions can they have within that set homework though.

Oh bless her. I believe the curriculum is so challenging for kids these days, it's nothing like how it used to be. I'd maybe advise her instead of cheating, talking to teachers about the fact she is struggling. Maths is hard.

This sounds like the same kind of maths homework that DS gets, 'SPARKS'. They all cheat on it, too tempting not to!

School will know her true levels from the assessments and work she does in class. Don't add to her worries. She sounds like she's got enough on her plate.

When they called me they said it's mot actually 2hrs it should take much less. It's just a guide . But then why even put 2hrs.

School are saying if we stop the home work lt can be hard to get them into doing it again. She was thinking it may be possible to just do the core subjects. She's thinking on that one.

She just simply said it takes 40 mins because I cheat. Like it was just normal. I'm not going to say anything. They should be able to pick up her struggle through her work at school.

I would say to her to stop cheating and if she gets a detention you will contest it as she is doing her best. Don't say anything to school this time but tell her you're really glad she felt able to tell her and you're just worried that school won't know her true level. It's great that she felt able to be honest with you and you don't want to lose that trust. Is she set for maths? Would moving down a set perhaps be beneficial to her?

No one is doing two hours a night homework in a state school in Yr 10, that's a silly and completely excessive suggestion by the school. And what's the point of a timetable that has the wrong times on it? Either they're expecting 2hrs homework (ridiculous) or they're not.

What is most important though is that she understands the homework she is being set, I'd keep checking in with her on that. Could you afford some tutoring if she thought that would be helpful?

Thank you yes I agree. I'm not going to say anything. Now they are awear shes finding it hard and senco are involved so hopefully she will get support . They have already said 25% extra time with exams /tests. That was done really fast