We did it! We told the in laws we will be spending Christmas alone at home. Raise a glass of eggnog cocktail with us!

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

Last time we spent Christmas alone was when DD was a baby and we lived abroad for a year. That was 11 years ago.

Since then DS (now 7) has come along and we’ve spent 10 Christmases with the in laws. DH’s wider family is humongous (they were even in their local paper for being the biggest family in the town 😂) mine is small, dad dead and mum lives abroad, so we’d have my brothers over if we were hosting. But the in laws are always somewhere in the vicinity and there’s normally lots and lots of them.

I get on with them but family issues are teeming. BIL is a violent wanker who thumped his girlfriend in the face last year and everyone downplays it and claims it was self defence except me and DH. He wasn’t there last Christmas but will be there this one. Our nephew is nearly 11 and picks incessantly on my 7yo. Think Dudley Dursley - spoilt, shit at sharing (but expects my kids to share their presents) and a general PITA. MIL is hypercritical of everything except her violent son and is always moaning that my early 20’s nieces are wearing clothes that are too tight/she doesn’t like their piercings/is that ANOTHER tattoo however will you buy a house etc. SIL has 4 dogs who she brings along and they’re allowed to be in the dining room when we eat. They beg and stare while we eat and now and again I find dog hairs in the food. One niece is 13 and is allowed to swear like a sailor which irritates me as my kids inevitably follow. Her mum and dad are very much “cool parents”, she has a belly button piercing and an TikTok account and my DD ends up moaning that we are too strict whenever she’s been around her.

Other than that the ILs are lovely - really we always have a good giggle, lots of love and fun and coziness. Christmases are as lovely as they are irritating.

But fuck me I am sick of doing this every bloody year. We do it because we live far away and don’t often see them so feel obliged but I really really want to be at home without visitors this year. My son is getting a Switch which he will want to play on on the TV, he wouldn’t be allowed at ILs as Dudley Dursley always brings his PS5 along and plugs it in to the TV, and goes nuts if anyone tries to remove it. I don’t want my kids being around woman beaters so would hate to be near BIL and would probably tell him to fuck off by 11am. I want a dog hair free dinner with meat that I like (can’t bear turkey). I want to lie about the sofa farting if I want to be in my own home. I want to go for a walk in our home town and listen to the local carollers who gather round the cenotaph (very Dickens I know).

So we made an executive decision and tonight we delivered the news. Well DH did. I hovered and did lots of positive gestures.

It went down like a sack of shit, but we did it. A Christmas just the 4 of us at home doing what we want when we want! I’m so happy! Eggnog is rank but the local overpriced cocktail bar do a cracking eggnog cocktail so let’s pretend we all have one and raise a glass to Christmases without in laws!

When you say "We did it. We told the In-laws"

You surely mean that you told your in-laws and he told his parents unless he, as you seem to imply on your heading, refers to them as in-laws as well.

I'm pleased for you but one word of caution-remember they are his parents and that is a very different relationship to in-laws. You are one emotional step removed from them. he isn't. From experience, I would urge you to maybe bear that in mind when you are showing so much glee.

He might be gleeful too now but one day, this is the sort of thing that can be dragged into a future row as part of a list of complaints you had no idea existed.

Ganache recipe please @EvilsElsasPetSnowman

Not only am i living through you, i want to eat like you too <getting slightly worrying>

One of the best things I have ever done is be pro-active and make choices I and my immediate family want on Christmas day. It was triggered by waking up in a Premier Inn on Christmas day, going for a half burnt meal which was 3 hours later than planned, watch my kids be bullied and interrupted by spoil brat cousins, listen to the parents in law snore the afternoon away, not leave a small crowded lounge all day because the notion of a walk is alien to my sister and husband, and still have to go back to the damn Premier Inn whereupon the fire alarm was triggered at 2am by drunk guests.

I almost had a Michael Douglas 'Falling Down' moment...

Since then, I phone in October and set out the visits and dates, I don't stay multiple days, and frankly huddle up with my (now adult) kids as they like.

Good on you OP - Merry Christmas.

The worst was last year when SIL hosted. The other thing that annoys me is that they’ll say “Dinner is served at 1pm” and it will be actually 4pm. Theyre very much “What are we like!” About lateness (annoying, that’s what). I’d had champagne and was quite drunk, so was really needing food in my belly. I ate one pig in blanket before seeing a long thick dog hair floating in the gravy and it put me off the whole thing. I did actually tell them and they played a new dish up but still it just put me off completely

I see what you’re saying but he’s happier than I am 🤣 his tolerance for them has really waned lately and he’s wanted to do a just-us Christmas for a while but we always got pulled in. I wouldn’t be married to him if he was deluded about his family

Well done!

We did the same when our DC were a couple of years old - and we haven’t looked back!

There are no issues with either of our families, but we live a distance away from both and travelling around that time wasn’t enjoyable for us or the DC, plus we couldn’t fit all the presents and our stuff in the car.

We’ve been able to start and continue our own traditions, and the DC can spend all day playing with their new presents. We have the loveliest Christmases at home, just the four of us.

Enjoy!

Ah, if it tastes like fish it'll be a cheapo one that's been fed on fishmeal. (Same with chicken.) If you buy an organic one you'll find a huge difference in taste (and welfare) but you're looking at maybe £75 minimum. But worth it, once a year, IMO.

We have only spent Christmas on our own once in my life and I hated it! We’d either hosted one set of parents or gone to their house with various siblings also there. That Christmas our three children were aged 4, 1 and 6 weeks so things were fine first thing opening presents and preparing lunch. Then we put the children to bed for a nap ( yes, my 4 year old still had an afternoon sleep and I was so lucky to get them all to sleep at the same time). For some reason we decided to eat lunch just the two of us and feed the children later but we drank a bit too much, my husband leaned back and broke the back of our brand new dining chair and cut his arm quite badly! He ended up in A&E having stitches while I stayed at home with the children!

Never again!

From then on I made sure we spent Christmas with our family, we mainly travelled to stay with them so I didn’t have to cook! Fortunately I get on well with both sides of the family and we don’t argue or have any annoying habits and we always have a great time. I now live back in my home town so don’t need to stay overnight, a taxi ride then a peaceful sleep in my own bed after a very busy and noisy day - perfect!

Chocolate ganache cake - I actually make double and have it layered otherwise it’s quite small
www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/ultimate-chocolate-cake

Oh gosh I feel your pain. DS has SEN and some food preferences (honestly he's nothing like many children with SEN, thank goodness or I'd have imploded by now, but he's not a fan of turkey) and my DM is full of "aren't you eating that? lovely turkey" when I'm happy for the DCs to eat what they want, and not eat what they don't want, on Christmas Day.
It is after all their Christmas too!
We tried Christmas at my DF's (same town as DM but not the same house, complicated and difficult, though it could be worse) and both DCs begged to have Christmas at home after that, and we were happy to oblige, DD just asked me "will it be just us" for this year and when I said "yes" she replied "yay!"

Well done OP and keep at it.

This is so relatable!

Well done OP. Not easy but completely worth it. Happy Christmas 🎄🎅 🥂

On the flip side, my DIL is such a batshit self-centred narcissist who has tried so hard to isolate our offspring from his birth family in favour of her's, to save him getting the nagging and earache and moaning from her (about your bl**dy parents), we're protecting him, again, by going away. Again. We love him enough to protect him from feeling divided. We love our beautiful grandchild enough to quietly put up with being isolated from their life too. DIL can be so emotionally manipulative of the child when we're around, it breaks my heart, so we prefer to keep away.

Oh bless him, I refuse to kowtow the eating disorders of yesteryear, I have no idea why some people stress over others not finishing their food! Especially SEN children

Congratulations, OP - excellent decision!

Congratulations @EvilsElsasPetSnowman and merry Christmas!! Enjoy the peace.

It's my first Christmas this year without a difficult man (and his difficult in-laws) to consider, my DD is 2 and it'll be the first year she understands what's going on a bit more, I'm so excited about it.

No barbed comments about my parenting whilst my oh sits on his arse being waited on by mummy dearest. No teenage step daughter picking on the little ones and making it miserable whilst everyone panders to her. I'm spending the money id normally spend on them and oh on presents for myself. My mum and I will cook dinner between us without any tension over who is doing what or pressure for it to be a gourmet masterpiece.

Bliss!

@DoraGray she's showing glee on MN. MN is not her husband.

Indeed!

Many years ago I was chatting to a colleague about Christmas and she told me that in 25 years of married life, she, DH and DD always went to her DM and DSis for Christmas. The routine never changed - I was shocked and amazed and being the gobby moo that I was then said to her - God forbid that anything should ever happen to her DH and DD! Would she regret that? Told myself to shut up and we moved onto other chat.
A few weeks later in the run up to Christmas she told me that she, DH and DD had discussed our conversation and decided that that was the year they were staying home and DM and DSis were invited to come to them. They had a lovely time in their own home - her DH was a brilliant cook and had a brilliant time planning and cooking the days' menu along with champagne and everything they never had at her DMs but had always wanted.
Sadly, the following summer - she and her DH had had a lovely evening and gone to bed one night and he never woke up. She told me at his funeral that she was so grateful for our conversation because otherwise they would never have had such lovely Christmas. Life is too short not to be selfish once in a while.
So good on you @EvilsElsasPetSnowman for doing what suits you and your family for once. Have a lovely Christmas. 🍻

It must be the year for it my DD said they would like Xmas Day alone this year, we usually alternate and it was her turn. This is the first time I wont see her on Christmas day for 36 years.

On another note we did M&S Christmas one year and it was not good, hope you enjoy yours. 🎄

Well done you! We bit the bullet this year and said we thought it was time we all stopped buying Christmas presents for each other as we are all adults ( no one under 21 in the extended family) , are lucky enough to be able to afford to buy things that we want for ourselves and don’t see that everyone buying , wrapping and delivering gifts means we love each other more than we do anyway. Several other people cheered and agreed, a couple made faces, but eventually agreed. We will all meet up for a lovely meal in January, will phone and text on Christmas Day, might even send Christmas cards, but the huge financial, physical, and emotional pressure of buying gifts for other adults has been lifted.

Well done @EvilsElsasPetSnowman The relief must be enormous. No doubt they will put pressure on you or at the very least make barbed comments about your decision when you visit between 21st and 23rd December - so you and DH need to be prepared to stand your ground and have a great Christmas 🎄

Good for you, enjoy your Christmas!

After 20 years of spending Christmas with my MIL, the first few years going to hers (large lovely house full of antiques, but not very clean), and the last upteen years of hosting (cooking, cleaning, fetching cups of tea, keeping her entertained, etc), she passed away in August. She was fine and I do miss her, but I am very glad DH and I are on our own for Christmas. He admitted as such too. We can have what we want, and I don't have to feel obligated to make a huge meal for three people. Next year, we are taking a trip to a German Christmas market, and after that, somewhere warm.

yes i looked at the recipe and went "an 8" cake makes 14 slices??? on what planet??

Well done OP

Cracking result. Top bins. Well done you OP!