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Original poster

Party - do I have to feed people?

833 replies

Dawevi · 17/11/2024 09:03

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

OP posts:
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5
HauntedPencil · 18/11/2024 18:51

Totally disagree with the people saying if you can't afford to provide food you can't afford a party. At that time most people will have eaten and would be happy with no or minimal food.

DiduAye · 18/11/2024 18:53

If you can't afford to cater a party then don't have a party

peanutmother · 18/11/2024 18:54

No. You dont

I recently went to a party. There was loads of free booze

No food but that wasnt needed

People can eat dinner before

NewName24 · 18/11/2024 18:56

People on this post sound so privileged…
…‘if you can’t afford food you can’t afford to host a party’😳😂

But the OP isn't on a tight budget.
She's planning to spend £2000 on the party.

I threw a party earlier this year. It was a great night. It cost me under £300, including room hire and feeding everyone.

What people are suggesting is she spends more wisely.

spotnik · 18/11/2024 18:56

I’m surprised so many have said food is essential to make it a party. A venue and music along with great company makes it a party. As long as you state please line your stomach’s beforehand there’s no issue with that. I’ve been to plenty that have done that. YANBU

ErinBell01 · 18/11/2024 18:57

IHateWasps · 17/11/2024 09:12

I think most people would rather be fed and listen to recorded music than go without and have a live band.

I agree with this!

Rasputin123 · 18/11/2024 18:57

We have two big birthday celebrations and a big wedding anniversary coming up fairly soon but I didn’t really just want a small meal that we may have to cover the costs for especially as many of our friends can drink, (also nervous about bringing different groups of friends and family together. I worried whether many people would turn up nor did I want a DJ in a big room with lots of cheap and nasty beige food offerings and buffets aren’t the most hygienic either. Also so many people are on healthy diets or are vegan, vegetarian, have a nut allergy, lactose intolerant, coeliac etc its a minefield/nightmare. Hope you get it sorted OP. As long as it started after 8pm I would have had something to eat anyway so that would be fine with me. As long as you made it clear no food DH would be fine too.

Original poster
Dawevi · 18/11/2024 19:01

BeccaS34 · 18/11/2024 18:27

If you can’t afford a big party don’t have a big party. Can you rent a hall cheaply and have people bring something potluck style? I grew up in the States my mom has a large Catholic family. People had big anniversaries & milestone birthday parties at church halls. And honestly, those parties as a kid were far more fun than destination weddings etc as an adult where everyone’s uptight for no reason. (Well maybe uptight about the cost).

I'm curious, how are those things different in terms of being a party? If I have a hall, and invite people, isn't that a party? What do you mean "can't afford a big party" when you then describe having...a big party?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dawevi · 18/11/2024 19:02

Scentedjasmin · 18/11/2024 18:33

Loads of pubs/restaurants have function/private rooms that are available and free, providing that you make it worth their while with numbers. They also will lay on relatively inexpensive bar food. I would have thought that even with a band or DJ, you could still get some food provided well within your budget. I've been to loads of parties like that and the food was fairly basic, but ticked the boxes (bowls of chips, small open sandwiches, nachos, inexpensive cheese board, mini burgers). Places won't always advertise what they can offer. Have you asked on local forums for recommendations?

Of course I've asked! There's nothing, honestly, I've even been round town asking in all the pubs in case I've missed a function room somehow in the 30 years I've lived here, but there is nothing. I seem to live in a cheap function room wasteland.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 18/11/2024 19:04

Can’t you get guests to bring food to the party (but let you know what they’re bringing)? Then you could sort out bread, cheeses, cold meats, crisps and nibbles.

A friend did this recently, she supplied a few giant pretzels and some nibbles but everyone brought a dish which was different.

WrongWrongWrongAgain · 18/11/2024 19:05

Is there a chippy who would be happy to deliver? Get some big bottles of ketchup, salt, vinegar, mayo, and negotiate a price on 70 small portions of chips delivered at say 10 or 11pm, to soak up a bit of the booze.

If self-catering nibbles, go somewhere like Iceland, they've got loads of bite sized party food in at the moment. pre-cook and cool however much you can manage before you go. Few cold cooked pizzas. Keep the vegan stuff separate and clearly labelled as for the vegans only because you know what people are like!

TheKoalaWhoCould · 18/11/2024 19:06

TinyMouseTheatre · 17/11/2024 09:10

Sorry but I have to agree.

Show quote history

This.

WrongWrongWrongAgain · 18/11/2024 19:08

Or contact the independent catering van type traders. One of them might well be happy to park up outside for an hour and serve 70 cones of chips/chip butties to folk from the party for much less than £500.

Original poster
Dawevi · 18/11/2024 19:09

Scentedjasmin · 18/11/2024 18:38

https://www.tagvenue.com/

Try this place for venues. Most places are free if a minimum spend.

Ah great idea but I've just looked and it doesn't have any in my town at all, and in the nearest town listed the cheapest they have for my date is £1500!

Love the idea of the website though.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 18/11/2024 19:11

Dawevi · 17/11/2024 19:18

No, it comes free as long as there's a minimum spend which works out quite low per head so it would be ok BUT...

I feel a bit stupid for not having thought that I might be able to take our own drinks! I'm going to check with the venue and find out as I could get some beers and wine in for sure.

The main issue is the venues are so expensive and I don't know why! They don't give you anything except a room but they are all the same cost except one which is so small and a terrible shape so it would be horrible to have more than about 20 people in it.

I've also got another venue I'm looking at tomorrow, I haven't booked anything yet so I can still keep looking, I'm just running out of places to try because I didn't want people to travel here then have to get a taxi to a venue so I'm trying to keep it really local plus I don't want to have to clean up at the end.

I'm now thinking along the lines of substantial nibbles, so more than crisps but not a full buffet, and only stuff I can cook beforehand or buy in.

What food like that would you want to eat? Would this work:
Mini sausages
Chicken goujons
Nice bread
Cheese
Dips
Tortilla crisps
(And vegan versions)

Or I like the idea of seeing if a local Indian could do samosa, etc (my dad won't eat that though!)

I promise I'm listening but I definitely want a pub gig feel and I know people will eat beforehand especially if I tell them to. I just wish I could find a cheaper venue.

I don't suppose after party cleaners are a thing? If so there's a few boat clubs I could look into.

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Maybe it's just because I'm from the east end, but lots of the Indian restaurants or even shops would do party food, cheap as chips and delicious, pakora, samosa, bhajis etc and people love it after a few drinks. I like the sound of your party OP, I love a band, a few drinks, a dance, not sure who wants a slow cooker full of chilli and a pile of jacket potatoes at that kind of do! 😂

WrongWrongWrongAgain · 18/11/2024 19:11

Dawevi · 18/11/2024 19:09

Ah great idea but I've just looked and it doesn't have any in my town at all, and in the nearest town listed the cheapest they have for my date is £1500!

Love the idea of the website though.

Show quote history

I'm SO curious where you live, because I believe you, but that sort of money on a "normal" function room is crackers to me - I've apparently been lucky enough to live in places that have village halls, social clubs and football clubs that rent a room out very inexpensively.

Are you holding it on new years eve or something?! :D

Twototwo15 · 18/11/2024 19:16

Dawevi · 17/11/2024 19:18

No, it comes free as long as there's a minimum spend which works out quite low per head so it would be ok BUT...

I feel a bit stupid for not having thought that I might be able to take our own drinks! I'm going to check with the venue and find out as I could get some beers and wine in for sure.

The main issue is the venues are so expensive and I don't know why! They don't give you anything except a room but they are all the same cost except one which is so small and a terrible shape so it would be horrible to have more than about 20 people in it.

I've also got another venue I'm looking at tomorrow, I haven't booked anything yet so I can still keep looking, I'm just running out of places to try because I didn't want people to travel here then have to get a taxi to a venue so I'm trying to keep it really local plus I don't want to have to clean up at the end.

I'm now thinking along the lines of substantial nibbles, so more than crisps but not a full buffet, and only stuff I can cook beforehand or buy in.

What food like that would you want to eat? Would this work:
Mini sausages
Chicken goujons
Nice bread
Cheese
Dips
Tortilla crisps
(And vegan versions)

Or I like the idea of seeing if a local Indian could do samosa, etc (my dad won't eat that though!)

I promise I'm listening but I definitely want a pub gig feel and I know people will eat beforehand especially if I tell them to. I just wish I could find a cheaper venue.

I don't suppose after party cleaners are a thing? If so there's a few boat clubs I could look into.

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s necessary to provide food, but if you are going to, what you mentioned here sounds fine. If people really can’t do without a huge spread, they can all bring something to add to a buffet or snacks table.

dragonflygirl1 · 18/11/2024 19:21

Sorry if this has already been suggested and I missed it, but do you have a Morrisons near you? For a few different events and parties I have been to, people have ordered their sandwich platters and pasta salads and things like that. It's been quite cheap and people have said they were lovely. (I have allergies, so I didn't get to taste them). There were all kinds of things there. I was surprised how cheap they said the big bowls of the pasta salads were. They had huge quiches too and then bread and crisps etc. They then got some extra vegan bits to go alongside.

Peony15 · 18/11/2024 19:22

You can not have a milestone/big party without food.
I still recall 2 big parties I attendend ages ago ( both at host's house though ) for the impressive SIMPLICITY of the food on offer.
Both hosts laid one huge table with essentially just different baguettes/breads/cheeses ( not even that many, think a gigantic brie e.g) some charcuterie ( 1 type of salami would do ) olives, 1 amazing butter, a pickle or quince jelly.
Huge celery sticks displayed in beautiful vessels like a flower arrangement, ready to dip into
hummus.
NOT one of these overloaded grazing buffets I see popping up.
It looked generous and impressive.
Less is more.
Presentation can wow.

Original poster
Dawevi · 18/11/2024 19:23

WrongWrongWrongAgain · 18/11/2024 19:11

I'm SO curious where you live, because I believe you, but that sort of money on a "normal" function room is crackers to me - I've apparently been lucky enough to live in places that have village halls, social clubs and football clubs that rent a room out very inexpensively.

Are you holding it on new years eve or something?! :D

Show quote history

No! I agree it's insane, I can't get my head round it. Ten years ago I did a party with band, nice golf club venue and full catering for 100 people for about £1500 but prices have gone through the roof!

The local rugby club is cheaper but won't do Saturdays in the rugby season and I have to do Saturday so that my friends who need to travel can get here, it's not possible on a Friday as they work and it's two hours away.

I had saved up the money for it and have been looking since July but I'm now down to just a couple of options and they are both similar prices.

OP posts:
TheWittyBird · 18/11/2024 19:23

I would definitely do nibbles ( crisps etc ) no you don’t need to provide a buffet type.
you can put on the invites nibbles will be provided so folks know nowt else so eat before you come

Nanof8 · 18/11/2024 19:25

Can it be a byob and/or byos(nack) party? We often have those, then we're not trying to figure out what everyone likes. Also the people I'm usually inviting will ask if they can bring anything else. So we end up with varied buffet snacky type table. So it's not a sit down meal just a walk around with your plate and glass. Makes for being able to chat with more than just your table.

YoucancallmeBettyDraper · 18/11/2024 19:27

I think a knees up with crisps, olives, nuts, etc, ie light nibbles sounds absolutely fine. Some people perhaps have a different notion of a party to yours which is a more sedate sit-down affair, where they can eat their second dinner and bitch about it. I wouldn’t go to a nightclub or a gig or a house party and expect to stuff my face so if that’s the sort of vibe you’re going for it sounds great

ttcat37 · 18/11/2024 19:29

If there’s no food then will there be a free bar? If there’s neither food nor drink then it’s not really a party.

Jumpers4goalposts · 18/11/2024 19:30

My friend had a 40th party upstairs in a pub and she did cheese, crackers and fruit. If you wanted to do it yourself you could do a grazing board around this. It could all be cold and prepared. Is it the sort of venue you could get a pizza van to make roll up?