To only have one child ?

[BackinBlack24]

So this is something that is constantly on my mind I'm 37 and had my first child almost 6 months ago . We tried for 2 years before getting pregnant with a loss at the beginning. I have always been absolutely adamant that I would have 2 children mainly as I'm an only child and didn't want to do that to my child . Being an only child in my opinion is fine when you're young but it gets more and more difficult the older your parents get I think anyway.

I found having a baby tougher than I could of ever imagined , no post natal depression or anything but from 5 weeks my baby just wouldn't sleep had colic would only contact nap , wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me and screams bloody murder in the car as a result I barley leave the house.

I really really don't think I could do this again I love my DD and she is turning into a beautiful little person but the though of having a toddler and a newborn and doing that all over again really makes me anxious I honestly don't know how anyone does it .

How do you manage with a small child and a newborn ? I've also no family or friends near everyone is at least an hour away . Then that's assuming I could actually get pregnant again . Also there is my age to consider realistically I would be 39/40 having another baby .

Is it fair to only have one or is it selfish ?

True.
A sibling can grow up and become an alcoholic, have mh problems, just be a really selfish person, emigrate to Australia, or become ill/ disabled themselves and not have a family of their own so once the parents are gone the other sibling might struggle with feelings of responsibility towards them as well as not having any help as their parents get older. Sibling relationships go both ways. You’re not just giving them someone who can support them, it’s also someone they might feel they have to provide support for. What would be selfish is having another child for any other reason than wanting one, feeling you are able to look after them no matter what happens, provide for them and balance their needs with their sibling’s.

Tbh I think it’s more selfish to rely on your kids to take care of you in your old age.

Stick with one, and use the money saved to make provision for yourself.

Give your daughter the freedom of not being a burden

Sorry I meant to tag @CroysantNotKwason

I completely disagree with this and a lot of research states the myth of only children being selfish or narcissistic is completely unfounded. What research has shown is only children have a closer bond with their caregiver. There's a really good article by the BBC on this www.sciencefocus.com/science/only-children.

Based on novels set in the Victorian era?

😂

@calmandcaffeinated your link doesn't work - is there a different one at all please?

Best answer to that ridiculous untrue generalisation! 😂

Sorry I put a full stop

www.sciencefocus.com/science/only-children

My sibling is a fucking twat. When our mother died, Ed the Talking Donkey would have been more help. I have one child and feel zero guilt. If she wants a big family she can grow one of her own.

I only have one. She's 5 and never asked for a sibling. I had her at 34. I was advised not to have anymore and truthfully, I've never wanted another one.

Our family is perfect as a 3. I will ensure we have plans in place for when old age catches up with us. She has cousins we're close to.

I’m an only married to one of three, with an only DD. Both our parents are in ill health and whilst it does all fall on me on my side, it was much harder when my DH’s Mum got poorly and we didn’t see his siblings for dust. Having another does not guarantee that your DD will get help with that.

It would take a spectacularly heartless daughter to not give a shit if their mother gets dementia or incapacitated through old age. Regardless of financial circumstances.

I'm the youngest of 3. After my Dad died, my Mum needed a lot of help, she had cancer and mild dementia. My brother did visit her once a week or so but did nothing practical. I did all groceries, appointments, financials (which were complicated) etc. I had 3 children under 6 and worked.

My sister lived away but never visited. My brother's wife, two grown up daughters barely visited. And my parents did loads for them over the years, many times put a roof over their head and food on the table.

Anyway so the point is, even if you had siblings you might be doing everything anyway. It is difficult times. I hope your partner is supportive, as that's what made all the difference for me.

I'm an only child and I had a warm, peaceful childhood with close friends and a wonderful relationship with my parents. I never wished for siblings. You can't predict how your own children will feel, but there's nothing inherently negative about being an only child in the slightest

you have to do what’s right for you. You don’t know how things will turn out, whether you have one child or more. I’m one of three. One sibling devastatingly passed away as a young adult and I’m not especially close to the other. One parent also died young, so there’s a lot of pressure on me to look after my surviving parent who’s quite needy (my other sibling lives very far away). But I have a hugely supportive DH, who helps me deal with it all.

I have an only. I worry about how it will be when DH and I are older (if we’re fortunate to grow into old age, life has taught me not to take that for granted). I can only hope that they have a loving supportive network when the time comes. But hopefully I won’t be a needy pain in the ass, and financial arrangements are taken care of.

My only has had a lovely childhood with great experiences. It wasn’t what we’d planned, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t worried or felt guilty about the lack of siblings occasionally. And then I remind myself that having a sibling provides no guarantees…

(Also, my only isn’t narcissistic or selfish, introverted yes, but then so am I, one of three…)

One of 6 - wish I was an only child

I have a sibling and spent my entire childhood miserable and wishing I was an only child. We tormented each other constantly, could never agree on anything and to this day I strongly dislike his personality and most of his views on things. Our relationship was so bad that it tainted our whole household so I have a very poor relationship with my parents as well. When my parents die, my brother will be a stress when dealing with the practicalities not any kind of support whatsoever.

I'd rather my child felt lonely, than was tortured and made miserable in his own home.

I’m an only child and chose not to have children of my own. Yes, when it came to supporting my mum in later life, I was on my own but I know quite a few people with siblings who’ve just opted out of care for elderly parents meaning the one doing the caring might as well be an only. I think it is getting more common to have only children these days; when I was a child there was quite a bit of discrimination at school as onlys were unusual and seen as selfish and unable to share etc. I do tend to gravitate to other only children or people with no close relationship with siblings in my friendship circles. Our place in the family is only one fact about us. Deciding to give the energy you have to enjoying raising one child is a completely valid decision.

I mean obviously she’ll give a shit.

But she can give a shit from a hundred miles away, living her own life

You say that but a good friend of mine just moved from the north to London, with her husband, to be near her financially very well off mother suffering with dementia.

She couldn't take the guilt living so far away.

So what’s your point?

Have two so they both feel guilty?

Or teach children that parents aren’t their responsibility?

I think it’s too soon to make a decision. Your LO is only 6 months! See how you feel in a year x

Why would it be selfish? There’s lots of pros to having one child like being able to provide more financially.

In lots of families with more than one child, the female child often ends up doing the elderly care while the son does none/very little and is put on a pedestal when he makes an rare appearance. A second child could be the one who emigrates and unable to support the first with cross like elderly care so don’t use it as a reason to have another.

Having siblings is no guarantee of them both helping when you're old. My dad's sibling moved to Australia. My partner's sibling lives 200 miles away and has to be reminded of his mother's birthday.

I'm am only child and perfectly happy. My partner helps with my aging parents, I help with his. I'm not close to any of my family other than my parents, but I have a lot of friends.