Extended breastfeeding - how do you feel

[Feedingwondering]

Was in a situation today where I was judged negatively for still breastfeeding my DS, who is 3.5. I wanted to know how common these attitudes are - I’ve never really thought about it because how long we choose to breastfeed for is the business of no one but mum and baby, but it made me wonder what other people think/feel. No judgement on how anyone feels about it, I’m just interested.

@Feedingwondering

No judgement from me, I only stopped nursing my daughter to sleep in April and she is 3 years old

I think culturally it is considered strange in western countries, but the truth is biologically it's absolutely normal and shouldn't be batted an eyelid at.

But a lot of people are quite far removed from what is normal, it starts when we're pregnant, having our bodies constantly undermined so that we think every little thing could be a problem with the pregnancy and it it moves into how you feed your baby, how you support them to sleep. We are just told to completely ignore our instincts from day dot.

Barrel of laughs being a mother

@Feedingwondering - you do what feels right for you and your child. That's the only criteria that matters.

I couldn't breastfeed (traumatic birth, massive blood loss, milk never came as a result) and I felt very judged for it. It would be good if we gave mothers the support they need - whether that support is to continue breastfeeding as long as they want, or to bottle feed. As Mumsnetters are fond of saying, fed is best :)

Some of the responses about toddlers not needing it if they're eating food makes it clear that some people see breastmilk as equivalent to formula and not to milk in general. The formula companies and dairy industry have really won here haven't they.

My still breastfeeding toddler eats more food than her older sister! She eats a huge variety of things, she loves food. She also loves breastmilk.

Grown adults eat food and also manage to drink milk, or a cup of tea, or a latte. They are not necessary drinks but they are nutritious or provide other benefits such as comfort.

Well then, I guess you'd better stop all those things you enjoy but don't 'need' - that glass of wine, that bubble bath, those holidays...

I personally don't see why mothers and children should allow their bf relationships, or the point of their endings, to be dictated by others' hang-ups (and with objections as articulate as 'yuk' or 'cringe', among others on this thread, hang-ups is what we are talking about here).

My dc got a lot out of the comfort and closeness of bf until they were (just about) ready to stop (there was probably a little push to stop from my side too). It hasn't hurt them in the slightest and has probably improved their health and reduced their risk of various nasty things. They're lovely, secure, independent people, not necessarily because of the bf but not despite it either. I make no apologies for any of that to people with hang-ups either from the sexualisation of breasts or from the idea that we need to detach from young children as soon as possible (see also sleep training, 'self-soothing', etc.).

This isn't the standard we apply to most interactions with our children though - do they need it?

They don't "need" any single food in isolation do they? There is always an alternative but so what? Breastmilk is healthy, free, comforting - why would you stop giving such a great food just because it isn't essential. Carrots aren't either but I still feed DS those too.

I breastfed DD to 2 years and 7 months so I have only praise and approval for women who continue past 12 months. Lots of my friends breastfed to similar ages too. I was always open about it and only received positive comments.

The one and only negative reaction (grimacing, looks of disgust, pointedly looking away etc) came from an English man. I live in Australia and no one I know has taken formula to the hospital with them. I was raised in the UK and read negative opinions on breastfeeding on mumsnet a lot. I think there are cultural problems with breastfeeding in the UK.

I’m still feeding 13 month old DD and have suddenly started to feel I self conscious about it in the last few weeks and this thread has made me feel so much better. I thought I’d be in a rush to wean when she got to this age, but she loves it so much and it’s been a life saver since she started nursery and caught every bug under the sun

I personally find it strange to BF a child who can talk in sentences

Don't care. Your tits. Do what suits you both.

Are you able to unpack why?

Yes, this claim gets made a lot on the Internet but there's not a chance in hell it's right. Nobody ever manages to come up with any actual proof, and there's a reason for that. If you think about the populous societies like the UK and France who don't breastfeed long at all, there'd have to be equivalent sized populations doing it til average age of about 7 to balance us out. There aren't.

Not that it ought to matter anyway, because feeding a 3.5 year old is fine and people should take their feels off other womens bodies.

I have no strong feelings about it. If mum and child are happy then crack on. If you don't BF, then fine.
I stopped BFing DD at 16 months which I wouldn't class as extended. However, DD and I stayed with my parents for just over a couple of weeks when she was 9 months old. I met up with a friend and some of her "mum friends" one day (who had slight older kids) and I was never as uncomfortable BFing as that afternoon. There were sly remarks about I couldn't BF, she has teeth, what age are you going to stop comments. I made my excuses to my friend and left as they were so horrible about it.
This was in a naice middle class area, typical Mumsnet, but it's apparently rare for women to BF for very long around there.

Not really, no (unless it is ‘trauma’ from Little Britain 🤣)

I am still feeding my 2.8 year old, and I don't really care what anyone else things. We only really feed at home now, usually only before bed. She will feed in the morning it if she's distracted she doesn't ask for it. She sleeps through the night and has a very healthy appetite for other foods, unless she's ill, when I've been glad it's an option for her. I never understand why people who are neither the nursing mother or the child are so bothered or think their opinion means anything.

I fed my daughter until she was 2.5 years old, we recently weaned but mainly because it wasn't really working for any of us at night, I think my supply dropped and it stopped settling her in the night so she was awake a lot and just on me constantly for comfort rather than feeding back to sleep and rolling off. So we didn't get to stop as naturally as I'd hoped but the transition has gone really well so I feel like she was ready. The only issue we have now is that she still associates me with milk so my husband has to put her to sleep and do any night wakings by himself. We're hoping that eventually she'll let me comfort her with cuddles instead and we can share the night time routines.
I'm also pregnant so nursing has become painful, she does sometimes still try to nurse in the morning and I try to distract her but if she's persistent I don't stop her.
I find GPs and health visitors and midwives have a very wide range of personal opinions on these sorts of things. I take it all with a pinch of salt and do what I think is best. There isn't the same best situation for every child as they're all individuals but even standard NHS policy isn't actually followed by most of the different healthcare professionals I dealt with during pregnancy onwards with my first child.

I couldn't care less how people choose to feed their children, it's entirely up to them what they want to do.

If I saw it in public, I might think it looks a bit weird, but that's my issue not yours. There's things my teenager does which would look weird to others, but I couldn't care less about it.

You crack on, do what you think is best for your family.

I find your comment strange.

It's hardly yuk.

I do not care one bit if mums extended breastfeed. I do care if they want to pontificate to me about how it’s what you’re supposed to do and women always did this before we got so artificial and it’s returning to the natural order of things. Which is all bullshit, babies get teeth because nutritionally they need food, and mums used to have lots of babies so could not feasibly breastfeed them all until 6. So by all means make your own choices, by all means say this is a choice I’ve made for me and my child, all good with that, just don’t tell me /post on fb how it makes you so much better than all those mums who don’t and hence have no real connection to their child since they don’t prioritise their child’s wellbeing.

I BF both of mine but stopped at age 1 (my choice). I knew I didn't want to BF a toddler. Each to their own, but there's no way I could imagine BF my four year old now. He comes into my room racing his cars, does a somersault on my bed and bounces me out 😂 Would feel very strange to have him sucking on my boob!
Every mother has their own plan for their BF journey, whether not at all or for however long they decide to. However, I do find it weird when you see children in pre-school still being breastfed. There's no real need for a child who's able to wipe it's own bum still needing breastmilk!

To be fair we aren't biological programmed to need cows milk full stop. But that doesn't stop huge numbers drinking it

It’s driven by Turkey, India and various West African countries. In India breastfeeding is driven by the poor as it’s free and formula is often prohibatively expensive (while cows milk can be dangerous) so sometimes it’s done inappropriately long. Japan has programmes that financially reward mums who breastfeed past 2

So yes I’d say the average rate of weaning from breastfeeding is probably 4 as the largest populations do feed up to then or lomger. Lol the whole of Europe + USA isn’t even a billion. It’s miniscule compared to the rest of the world.

Women in prehistory rarely had more than 1 child and if a woman died in childbirth or couldn’t breastfeed the baby always died as there wasn’t really a society to help these babies. There’s also the point to be made that periods often didn’t start before 18-21, weren’t regular, and life expectancy from 15 was 25-30.

Periods didn’t start before 18-21 until after we became hunter gatherers which is when we saw a population boom. Babies began to survive because breastfeeding could be shared. Life expectancy from 15 began to improve. Children still died in droves - most children born died before their 5th birthday before we discovered antibiotics - and it was often linked to water. That’s why in many African rural cultures children often breastfed until 5/6. We only started having more than 4 children per woman and stopped breastfeeding them after colonisation.

I breastfed my oldest two until they were one. Currently breastfeeding my 3 month old and aim to stop at around one.

I think my main reasons are that I want them to grow up enjoying food and being 'good eaters' rather than relying still on milk for a prolonged time (same attitude towards bottles and formula). Equally if I'm honest, I feel a bit self conscious sometimes even feeding in public with my little one, so I would definitely feel embarrassed with an older one. I knew one family who still fed their reception age child and other children were aware too and did comment.

This is implausible.

In India, the median duration of breastfeeding was 24 months in 2017. That's a massive population to make up the extra two years from elsewhere.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28099045/

In China, the median duration of breastfeeding was 8.3 months in 2016.

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(16)31974-2/fulltext

If either or both of these two countries had increased the median duration to 4 years by now, we'd know.

In relation to your other examples, who don't have enough population to outweigh India and China, see the chart on page 3 of this Unicef scorecard

https://www.unicef.org/media/150586/file

Several West African countries are included. Nigeria, the most populous, has about 33% of infants exclusively breastfed from 0-5 months. Like neighbouring Gabon, also in West Africa, whose figure for 0-5 months is below 20%. Turkey's is a bit higher at 42%.

The figures for some breastfeeding will obviously be higher than those for exclusive. But the evidence base for any of these countries having an average weaning age of 4 years, let alone one high enough to offset lower figures in the vast Indian and Chinese populations, is completely absent.