Extended breastfeeding - how do you feel

[Feedingwondering]

Was in a situation today where I was judged negatively for still breastfeeding my DS, who is 3.5. I wanted to know how common these attitudes are - I’ve never really thought about it because how long we choose to breastfeed for is the business of no one but mum and baby, but it made me wonder what other people think/feel. No judgement on how anyone feels about it, I’m just interested.

BF one child till almost 6
Tandem fed for 2 years
One child fed till almost 3

Every child is different.

I breastfed my eldest until age 3.5 so I feel a sense of solidarity when I see an extended breastfeedee. I'm still breastfeeding DD2 who is 2.5 now, and I hope to continue for another year. I feel comfortable with my decision, but I still prefer to feed at home mostly - I only really do it out of home for comfort or to keep her quiet. It's harder to be discreet now as she doesn't like me to be covered up.
I do feel a sense of pride in persevering, even though breastfeeding has been fairly easy and painless for me, and I am pleased for the health benefits for my dcs and me. I'm not very vocal about it though and most people have no idea that I'm still breastfeeding. I don't feel the need to advocate for it or justify my choices. I know that many people don't see any benefits to it or think that it's detrimental and it doesn't bother me that they think that - it doesn't affect the decisions that I make.

Trust me, you can't force a child to bf that doesn't want to because I tried!!

GPs can be twats about it. See my comment above. GP essentially made me give up bf'ing DD2 because she said I needed steroids for my asthma flare, and that I had fed long enough. Same happened with my youngest and I told the GP to shove their steroids. I lived!

@fashionqueen0123 I did Google but couldn't find anything about the average weaning age worldwide being 4... not disputing but do you have any links?

@fashionqueen0123 I could find this but it didn't say anything about 4

www.unicef.org/media/150586/file

It says 45% still breastfeeding at 2

That's frustrating when GPs are so clueless about breastfeeding.
They're happy to tell you that children under 5 need cows milk for the nutrition, to the point that children get free milk in reception as its considered a health benefit. Yet human milk has no nutritional benefits for human children? It's insane to think that way. Breastmilk provides calcium, protein, other vitamins, as well as antibodies, prebiotics, pain relief, and comfort in ways that cows milk could never do. It is a superfood.

i breastfed my daughter until past 3. I never had any weird looks or anything but then she was also tiny and could easily pass for a much younger child.

It's a fascinating subject. I fed til 18 months and had had enough. Child would have kept going, but stopping required 1-2 days of very very mild 'difficulty' (a bit of distraction I suppose) to break the cycle. I'd say that's similar to toddler sleep though - they'd have kept waking every 2 hours without some very very mild difficulty but that's not to say I'd think it was most natural or in their best interests to let them sort their sleep out themselves either.

Feeding to about 2.5 I wouldn't bat an eyelid at but feeding til past 4 does just make me ponder (genuinely, I'm tying to sort my thoughts out and don't quite know my viewpoint). I think once they've started school you're encouraging them to be more independent so it seems strange to be encouraging them to be quite dependent in another way. I presume children fed at 4 aren't particularly happy when dad puts them to bed at night? To me, by then you're moving onto another stage in life and personally I wouldn't have wanted to still feel tied to the baby stage in some way.

Fed dc1 to 4.5, dc2 to 3, dc3 to about 3.5. All of them were certainly fine about being put to bed by dh by around 2. In the later stages they weren't being fed to sleep either - we'd have a book, a cuddle and a quick feed and they'd fall asleep in their beds. Towards the end the frequency dwindled and I think there was a sense of it being 'time' on both sides - with dc1 I knew the writing was on the wall when we all caught flu and I tried to feed him for comfort/hydration and he refused. We're in a country that starts school at a sensible age so I didn't have to worry (not that I would have done) about any ideas of 'oh, they're starting school, don't baby them' (as an aside, I do wonder whether the anxiousness of a lot of UK parents to rush their children through childhood and the almost sense of pride with which some of them announce their 8yos don't play with toys any more or their 4yo watch and understand quite sophisticated PG films is quite connected to the early school starting age). They're all very independent and pretty robust characters now. I'm very glad we did it the way we did and didn't feel pushed into stopping. :)

I was chatting to a colleague about this when I was wondering when to stop BF'ing and they told me that they have an adult friend who remembers being BF as it went on until they were 5 or 6. That was an interesting thought I hadn't considered and wasn't sure how I felt about it. In the end I just let DS choose when to stop - he stopped around 2.4yrs.

But drinking cows milk IS normal? 6 billion people drink it. Humans aren't biologically programmed to have breastmilk forever.

I agree with PP that I would never say anything but I don't see the need at all to bf a 4/5/6 year old child. That's more for the mum than the kid.

I wondered if DS might remember as he fed until a bit after three but he doesn't. When he was about 4 or so he asked if he could "get milk out of them" when I was in the bath. I said they don't have milk anymore and he was quite disappointed but not hugely upset or anything. He did mutter "why they all big then" in a sceptical manner and also later checked with his dad for a second opinion on whether they still had milk. 🤔

Over 2 is fine. Still benefits

I agree about the strange feeling of discomfort when DC are quite old (eg over 3 for me) - not sure why and I'm ashamed it makes me feel this way. I BF for about 15 months and my DC started biting at this point and I thought "This can't happen for much longer." Thankfully Dc self weaned.

I think for me it's when they are old enough to say something like "I want mummy milk" and actually pull at the breast/clothes. Sorry again but it makes me cringe inside if I'm being totally honest. If it got to that stage for me, I'd have really wanted to stop.

@Feedingwondering sounds like your GP had a personal reaction to your breastfeeding and responded emotionally. Lots of mothers and those who love those mothers feel very tender and defensive about bf not having gone well.

I used to feel weird about older toddlers bf - went on to bf my kids till 5!
I was ignorant.

I think the older generation is definitely judgy of this. My parents know someone who is still bf after 3 and comment negatively about it.
When I bf mine over 19 years ago, I stopped around a year but felt it would potentially have been judged negatively had I continued.
Things are changing though.

Humans aren’t biologically programmed to drink another species’ breastmilk. Just because a lot of people do it doesn’t mean it’s normal! I never understand the ‘it’s more for the mum’ argument. Breastmilk is excellent nutrition for a child. As anyone who has breastfed knows, you can’t force a child to feed.

I don't know - humans have been drinking other species' milk for about 10,000 years. I think in really any sensible analysis it is normal.

Totally agree with your second point though, the "it's more for mum" arguments are so bizarre. Also it is a two way relationship and I would say pretty much all my interactions with my young child were for me as well as for him - I love cuddling him still, is that ok? People are such dicks about breast feeding.

Humans are the only ones to drink milk from another species. It’s pretty weird when you think about it.

When I started Bf I went right off cows milk. I mean cows milk is calves breast milk. Calves aren’t programmed to have it forever either..

Also a lot of the world don’t drink cows milk as they are intolerant to it. It’s only over a long time that parts of the world have adapted to be able to drink it.

Sames as some PPS, it honestly makes me feel very uncomfortable to see older children being bf. Once they are walking, talking, eating meals, it's just a bit yuk.

Absolutely the parent choice but the child (not baby), really doesn't need it.

Haha yes just imagine trying to feed a 3 year old who didn’t want to 🤣

I don’t have a link right now as short for time but you could try looking in Amy Browns Breastfeeding uncovered or LLL Womanly art of BF too where it may be referenced. I’ve seen it in a few places just can’t think exactly where! :)