How do you deal with well meaning kind person you work with but …

[Spagettifunctional]

They are putting pressure on you (me)

telling me who said what, texting after work, questioning things out of my control

bossy but very nice if you know what I mean

I am thinking of telling the person in question tomorrow that due to the nature of our work we can’t discuss it over text (true) and that I have been to see someone (this is true also) to talk about coping with things as I haven’t been feeling well in myself that once we are out of work we need to focus on home and family and the next time she texts I would softly reply ‘let’s talk tomorrow - time to switch off ❤️’

would that go down like a lead balloon - I don’t want to spoil our relationship as they are good to me but winding me up a lot

I think you just need better boundaries, especially if they’re mentioning work a lot outside of work time.

also, don’t mention anything about seeking help.
I have been in a similar situation OP, with someone who seemed very nice and everything got used against me.

Also, don’t think they are being as nice as they seem to be OP. If the only correspondence you have with each other is about work, then they are not your friend.

look after yourself

Yes thank you

I had a day off Friday and they messaged me at six o clock with what went wrong and on thurs evening text me with something my boss said (that thinking about it since isn’t a nice thing to do)

they know I am not feeling myself at the moment and they are good and decent but putting pressure on me rather than asking management themselves

No a friend wouldn’t do this / this person is older and I wouldn’t call a friend

also I am on more money and better hours so maybe their is bad feeling there

Do they need to have your mobile number? If not just block them and enjoy the peace.

That’s a good call about not telling them about seeking help yes

tell them very little (it was our union rep not a counsellor or anything anyway) though I do think I need counselling

ill go down the route of if being unprofessional to talk about things out of work

I could block them outside of work hours - they need to call me in work

Depending on what phone you have you can put DND and set it so that you can get calls / texts from favourite contacts but no one else

Sorry xpost!

Any messages outside of work hours you choose either to ignore or shut down (as politely or otherwise as you want)

Do not offer personal information about yourself or how you are feeling.

Anything that needs raised with higher ups rinse and repeat “you need to escalate this”

are you their line manager or anything OP?

Could they see I blocked them ? I don’t want to cause an atmosphere

to be fair they flagged something that will end up protecting me (something the boss is looking out for so I don’t want to lose my relationship with them)

That’s good to know about DND !!! I’ve an iPhone

I’m a teacher and they are the assistant for pupils with needs

Yes do DND. You can schedule it on your iPhone OP and make it specific to specific contacts.

it would be unlikely they would know you’ve blocked them, but you’d need to remember to unblock them if they are needing to contact you within work hours.

Just say that you make a point of not thinking about work when you're not there, and you completely switch off the minute you walk out the door every day. If she persists in texting you just reply saying 'I don't know' or 'Maybe we can talk tomorrow' or something bland like that.

She sounds like a bit of a shit-stirring gossip to me, so the fewer opinions you express the better. Stay completely non-committal at all times.

You don't need to block
If android go to settings,and put DND except for -family etc
It won't show that you have received their message and will show as one tick on WApp.
If they question it just say you have a phone detox out of work
"Oh and on that note I would prefer it if we keep work related chat professional and at work please"

I really appreciate this - thank you

I’ve been in a state all weekend and I now see what is wrong here.

How can I block numbers on my what’s app and my sms ? Is there a way I could schedule it

Ok I’ve set my what’s app privacy settings so no one can see when I’ve been on or anything

will see what else I can do

Yes, you can set the focus up on an iPhone in the settings

What @VoteDappy said about DND. And in general, establish far better boundaries. Say ‘I don’t want to talk about work outside of work’ and leave it at that.

If she is telling you about what's going on, she will be talking to other people about you.

Just speak to her and maybe ask her as a favour not to contact you about anything work-related outside working hours. If she asks why, just say you like to keep work and home life separate.

You can set a focus

settings > focus > custom name > silence notifications > people > well meaning work colleague > set a schedule > add schedule > 16:30 to 8:00 > every day (or whatever)

job done.

Go to your general phone settings then notifications
There should be Do not disturb with the option to exclude favourite contacts
Favourite your preferred people in your contacts list
Everyone else will be excluded and their messages won't come through.
If she brings it up you can do the professional work only in work speech
Or just block her !

Brilliant - thank you thank you thank you !!!

yes I realise now I have been to open and too warm and then I’m a soft touch to hear complaints

You don't need to keep saying "they". You already let slip that she's a she in the OP!