It's none of my business but ...

[Waitingandwaiting56]

Dd is doing my head in. It could be linked with her bipolar? I have to let her learn for herself.

Dd is on benefits. She has 2 children
One gets dla . So she's not on the best income.

She should be moving home soon into another council property. There will be bare walls. No flooring. She needs a new bed/mattress for gs new mattress for herself . Flooring . Cost of removals. Xmas coming up. She's got 1000 pounds in rent arrears. She's trying to pay for driving lessons /tests on top. And she's gone and booked a 5k holiday. Even before she booked the holiday she was moaning she was struggling.

I dont understand why she did not at least get her move out of the way first .

I know it's none of my business and she needs to learn for herself. Its just a mum moan really.

I would be very concerned that her bipolar is not being controlled and that she needs help. Booking a 5K holiday in her circumstances is a huge red flag.

I mean, you were the one to raise her and who’s job it was to inspire her to make a good life for herself. So while you’re busy being annoyed about her, take a moment to reflect on that too

@Imperrysmum
That was uncalled for. Nobody can be held accountable for other people's choices or actions.

Actually I find it uncalled for that her mum is bitching about her online.

Is she manic?

You did read the bit about the dd having bipolar, right? And even if this were not the case, making every effort to 'inspire' your dc to make a good life for themselves us hardly a guarantee that they actually will!

It sounds like she doesn't need to "learn for herself" she needs help and support.
You say it's"not your business" but she's your daughter and the children are your grandchildren.
Help her.
(could she cancel the holiday?)

@Imperrysmum
I wouldn't call it bitching, she is having a moan. Maybe she has nobody else that can listen to or help her at the moment. Mumsnet is full of posts such as this.

Bipolar can be very fifficult to manage. I dont see any reason why her mum cant ask for helpful opinions on here. I would if I was stuck for answers. Dont be such dicks.

She won't listen no matter what I say.

I'm surprised at her getting a move with rent arrears normally everything stops till it's paid off.
We couldn't get joint tenancy because of rent arrears my dw had with her ex and could only proceed once that was cleared.

The health and welfare of your daughter and your grandchildren are the very definition of your business. You could try https://www.bipolaruk.org/ who support everyone whose lives are affected by bipolar disorders.

It's not under normal situation. If it does cause a problem I will be paying the arrears of for her

I wasn't having a dig,I hope you manage to get it all sorted..it must be very stressful for you.

It's OK I did not take it as a dig. I didn't fully explain the move thing. I just added it as it's another pay out type thing.

I just messaged dd she's only paid 50.00 so far .I'm wondering if I can talk het out of it. I don't think I will but it's worth ago.

Well, don’t pay the arrears then. If she can afford a £5k holiday then she can afford the rent arrears. Actions have consequences

Is she getting treatment for the bipolar?

It sounds as if she is becoming unwell- may be off her medication- is overspending one of her signs that she’s unwell? Does she have someone to contact in those circumstances?

It's an emgency move I leave her in danger if I don't pay it

Not just now. She was on meds and their changing it. So she's got to go without whilst they leave her system then take the new ones and let them set in.

I wonder if she saw a deal and it was ‘book now for just £50’, and she thought that she’s got all that time to sort out the money.

Can you talk her out of it by helping her find something more affordable? It’s nice to have something to look forward to.

What a dickish comment. Do you come out with this sort of nonsense in real life?

This. How on earth can it be none of your business OP, your Grandchildren could be the ones to suffer, if Mum is not being helped.

Yeah it was a no deposit thing. She's booked it and paid 50.00 so far. When I questioned her about the affordability. She said she asked that if she can't afford it one month can she pay less and make up for it next time. They said as long as its paid 6? Weeks before departure she can pay how she wants to.

I totally get she wants something to look forward to. I thought getting a new house making it into a home etc would be something to look forward to. But I guess it's not exciting to her