It's none of my business but ...

[Waitingandwaiting56]

Dd is doing my head in. It could be linked with her bipolar? I have to let her learn for herself.

Dd is on benefits. She has 2 children
One gets dla . So she's not on the best income.

She should be moving home soon into another council property. There will be bare walls. No flooring. She needs a new bed/mattress for gs new mattress for herself . Flooring . Cost of removals. Xmas coming up. She's got 1000 pounds in rent arrears. She's trying to pay for driving lessons /tests on top. And she's gone and booked a 5k holiday. Even before she booked the holiday she was moaning she was struggling.

I dont understand why she did not at least get her move out of the way first .

I know it's none of my business and she needs to learn for herself. Its just a mum moan really.

I find it uncalled for that you have decided to have a go at the OP online.

Maybe the stress and changing meds have made her unwell and she’s making poor decisions. Have you suggested that to her?

My DD has Anxiety and other MH issues, are they my fault as I raised her?
Ignorant and rude

But had I come on MN saying dd has booked a holiday etc I don't think she should have. I would have been told she's an adult it's not your business. So it's a no win what ever I say

Yeah I have. She acknowledged it could be compulsive due to bipolar . But says she will manage. So she's not going to rethink it regardless.

Hope she is stabilised on her new meds soon. Does she have a care plan? It should say who to contact, what to do if you are worried she is relapsing.

No i have never heard of such a thing . Maybe it's different because she's an adult. I mean if there was something dangerous going on I would sort something. But I don't think they would see booking a holiday as a relapse

You are really nasty.

@Waitingandwaiting56 right I think you need a plan.
If you can afford it pay the rent arrears. She doesn't need that over her head.
If you can also afford it pay for the new beds etc (you can get secondhand or even free ones via charities/Freecycle etc).
Find out the small print about this holiday - can it be cancelled? She might lose the £50 but at least that's a small part. Could it be cancelled due to medical reasons (ie the bi-polar).
I apologise for my earlier comment - it was a bit bitchy. I understand it must be hard for you 💐

I will only pay the rent arrears if it can mess up her move. Because it's alot of money to me as well . And I don't want to bail her out because there will be no reason for her to learn if I just pay it. But as I say I will pay it if it risks her move.

I did forget actually I have already said I will pay for gs new bed and mattress .

She won't agree to delay a holiday. She's got it in her head now .

Did she book her holiday in a manic phase? If so, can she get help to cancel it? maybe a letter from her psychiatrist?

@Waitingandwaiting56 definitely pay the rent arrears because that's something that could spiral out of her control and she and the children end up homeless.
It's difficult to know what to do about the holiday.
She needs to make sure the important things are paid - rent, bills and food. If she can't do that independently then she needs help. Whether that's from you or a social worker/support worker. Does she get any help?

Really does not sound as though she is a fit person to bring up two children let alone be taking them on holiday abroad. How will she mange to cope with the travel and any issues that occur.

She won't be homless though rent arrears as she has a payment plan. I know that she's paying the bills rent, with extra on top due to the arrears. Gas /electric/council tax /food etc . No one is going without essentials. If she didn't have the extra expenses that come with moving she would probably be ok. Its just the wrong time.

How did you come to that . Bipolar does not =you can't bring up children . There are no concerns regarding her children. It also does not =no holidays.

I think you just need to be there for if/when she needs help and tell her that.
She doesn't have to accept your help but say you are there if she needs it.
🙂

ask her how she is going to pay for it and the move on welfare.

@Lifelover16 she's not "on welfare" because that's not a UK thing 🙄

She's got bi polar. Nothing to do with how she was raised.

Yeah i agree. I have explained things to her. She's going to carry on anyway . I guess maybe things can be juggled some how.

I think it's your business, actually.

I have asked her .

As adults no matter what what our up bringing was everyone of us has made a bad choice at some point .

Any money paid on the holiday is going to be lost, as sadly it’s unlikely dd is going to be able to pay the whole thing. I would encourage her to pay the money off the arrears and then look at the holiday after that.
it sounds a nightmare for you OP.

She already has a payment plan . So that's being done.