Young kids parties without tea

[onetrickrockingpony]

Hi

My DD has her 4th birthday party next weekend. We attended one of her friends’ parties one yesterday. We’ve been to a lot of them recently…. Sometimes two in one weekend.

A party that runs 2-4pm will start often have a spread of cheese / ham sandwiches, some fruit, crisps, biscuits and then there’s cake at the end. It’s buffet style, provided in a pretty bag, or uncovered at the end, and without fail my daughter will skip the real stuff and go for the snack foods and fill up on fruit juice.

Every single time we go to one family dinner is ruined because she’s stuffed with nonsense food. She’d barely had lunch before the party started!

Would I be an utter Scrooge to just serve the cake at the end? Maybe I could balance it out with some nice fruit, crackers and cheese slices. So it’s not full on tea. And then everyone can go home.

Yesterday I overheard so many parents trying to negotiate with their child over saving something for later or not having more crisps because we were waiting for cake to come out. It is SO stressful. They don’t need it!

I think you do sound like a Scrooge! Why not just serve healthy food - sandwiches, crudités and fruit?

Individual cardboard lunch boxes, in whatever party theme, work well so they get a sensible mix. Or if it's buffet style, just tell them what needs to be on the plate. They're 4, so going to have a parent with them and they're not ready to decide their own portion.

I also have a 4 year old and honestly you sound very uptight. It's a party so what if they don't eat a sandwich and instead eat 100 quavers and 6 party rings.

If it's bothering you that much then don't accept the invite.

@Sprogonthetyne didn’t work yesterday! In her individual snack box she was given raisins, fruit juice, chocolate bar, crisps and a fruit yoghurt tube. Which it was then very difficult for all the adults to moderate. And then the cake came out.

not a single orange, cucumber stick or cream cheese sandwich was eaten.

I think you need to chill out.

@GrumpyCactus fine on a one off but she’s had a birthday party once or twice a week for the last 6 weeks. Plus Halloween. There was one weekend where she had parties both days. We can’t get to eat dinner as a family altogether during the week. So that’s 50% of our family dinners ruined by too many crisps.

I appreciate that maybe I need to start declining invitations but she had just started a new setting so we accepted most of the new invites for the sake of good relations.

Just live a little. Let her eat the party food and skip dinner.

Also skip some parties if you’re stressed about it being every weekend?

We had a 2-4 party this week, I always consider not doing food for same reason as you but it feels odd and un-fun.

I wouldn’t try and give them a whole dinner after party food .
i would expect some kind of food served at a party so just cake would be a bit disappointing .

Could just say to her at the family dinner after a party that she needs to eat what she can but if she's full that's fine? But still have the expectation that she sits at the table with you all. I wouldn't stress about what she is or isn't eating at a party and just focus on making family time nice afterward rather than about her eating dinner if that makes sense.

It’s a party - it’s normal for children’s party food to include things not usually seen as particularly healthy.

As for sandwiches, from experience of very young Gdcs’ birthday parties, for which I would make umpteen little sandwiches with the crusts cut off, it was usually the parents who scoffed 90% of them!

It’s a party. It’s fine. The problem is the little Johnny whose mum is freaking out about the UPFs in a Frube won’t actually eat fruit and veg and cheese, so even though mum is tightly wound about what he eats, she’ll also complain if there’s no food he likes. You can’t please everyone.

That said, sandwiches, crisps, raisins, crudites and fresh fruit are perfectly normal party food. I personally don’t bring out the party rings and chocolate fingers till towards the end of the meal. Cake goes in party bags, not served at party. If I don’t want my dc eating more junk though, I just say no. But really it’s a party, a few party rings once a week will kill no one.

If we have a late lunch, dinner is simple cheese, crackers, veg (cucumber, carrots, tomatoes, snap peas) and fruit (apple slices, melon, grapes). Loads of fruit and veg for balance.

I really wouldn't worry. The whole class party stage only lasts a couple of years and then there's less invites

please don't not take your child to the party because of this. They will really miss out and they will be talking about it at school too. It's a lovely social thing and they get to play in a different environment so fab for all those skills too. And it's fun.

Does she normally eat her dinner/tea by herself midweek then? Could you not sit with her while she eats or have something yourself.

Or have breakfast together. I do get the meals together being important. But I think in the grand scheme of things it's on y once or tiwce a week and truly the good outweighs any "bad".

Yes, you'd be a scrooge.

If she can't manage a full dinner afterwards just give her some veggies or fruit 🤷‍♀️

I served no added sugar cake at all the under 5 parties. You could really tell the kids who are used to shit because they turned their nose up at it whereas a few children ate it then continued eating the sandwiches and fruit.

Declining party invites because your Dc subsequently doesn’t want dinner is madness. Unclench a little and let them have fun. And I say this as someone who usually avoids UPF.

That should say sugar not shit!

THIS x 100

It's 4, relax! Parties mean fun food, that's just life. You can remove stuff from your own child's box if you want, that's your parenting choice. But yeah you are a Scrooge!

I think I’d provide a few snacks but not a whole tea if you don’t want to. If kids have eaten lunch at 12 and then are running around a lot then by 3 a lot will be ready for a snack (I blame nursery for making kids think they need to constantly snack but that’s a different issue), you don’t want a load of kids moaning to their parents they are hungry during the last hour of the party.
Also though when my kids have 2-4pm parties I just do a light later dinner around 6/6.30 and not really had an issue

If my kids have eaten plenty at an afternoon party, they just have Weetabix or porridge for supper. You need to chill. Family dinners are lovely but you can still sit together and eat while the kids have cereal. Or have a date night meal with your partner instead after bedtime!

My daughters older now so can make better choices with food. When she was little, I’d give her something healthy before parties, so for example she’d have a healthy lunch with veggies, fruit etc. before a 2pm party.

I wouldn’t worry so much then that my daughter hadn’t had anything nutritious for the day. But it is a party, there’s going to be crap there, I just managed it my end and didn’t make a deal of it.

Agree with the others.

After many many such parties my advice is just not to bother with any attempt at healthy food and let them enjoy.

I also used to have the parties in the morning

The party finishes at 4pm - is she not hungry later then? Mine would be ravenous by 6ish after running around all afternoon. Have your meal then

This sounds crazy. Would you decline a lunch invite with your friends because you might not be as hungry for dinner??
Whats the problem with your child being less hungry for dinner because they had food at a party?

It is SO stressful. They don’t need it!

I really don’t think most parents find this stressful. When DD3 has been to a party it really doesn’t bother me if she’s eating at a slightly weirder time, I certainly don’t consider dinner or the rest of the day “ruined”.

To answer your question I would find it weird to attend a kids party and there was only cake really.

Does it matter if they miss dinner/have a smaller dinner occasionally?

If you aren't going to do food make sure you put that on the invite so parents can prepare, it's generally accepted that children's parties have some sort of food. I'm not sure why you'd make it so stressful though, just pop some bits out and leave them to it; fruit, cucumber, carrots etc. Don't need to do loads either.