Young kids parties without tea

[onetrickrockingpony]

Hi

My DD has her 4th birthday party next weekend. We attended one of her friends’ parties one yesterday. We’ve been to a lot of them recently…. Sometimes two in one weekend.

A party that runs 2-4pm will start often have a spread of cheese / ham sandwiches, some fruit, crisps, biscuits and then there’s cake at the end. It’s buffet style, provided in a pretty bag, or uncovered at the end, and without fail my daughter will skip the real stuff and go for the snack foods and fill up on fruit juice.

Every single time we go to one family dinner is ruined because she’s stuffed with nonsense food. She’d barely had lunch before the party started!

Would I be an utter Scrooge to just serve the cake at the end? Maybe I could balance it out with some nice fruit, crackers and cheese slices. So it’s not full on tea. And then everyone can go home.

Yesterday I overheard so many parents trying to negotiate with their child over saving something for later or not having more crisps because we were waiting for cake to come out. It is SO stressful. They don’t need it!

Just accept that on that day kids eat party food not family dinner - it won't kill them and you can stop stressing.

We used it as a chance to have a meal they would usually refuse!! So we'd have a curry or something as they were already fed.

Party food is epic - don't deprive them of that experience.

I would be most irritated by a kids party with no food.

Now I have to deal with my hangry tired child on the way home.

You don't have to serve unhealthy food if you don't want to but I do think something needs to be on offer, not just cake.

We usually do sandwiches/pizza, crudités, fruit. No biscuits or chocolate, because there is cake.

I think you're in the stage where kids transition away from being within your control so much for things like food.

Buckle up, you've got ten years or so of this. Parties involve party food. Your family meal routines will need to adapt. I'd just do mine eggy bread or beans on toast after a party.

I just try not to look at what mine eat at parties now (5 and 7). There's no harm in a little indulgence now and then. Healthy children's party food tends to end up in the bin.

I used to love it when my kids had birthday tea, it meant I didn't need to cook a family meal and dh and I could just have cheese and crackers for dinner ans the kids could have something on toast or cereal if hungry.

You sound quite rigid about food timings and what each meal should look like. It really doesn't need to be perfectly balanced at every meal just balanced across thweek.k and you could solve this by changing your meals around.

Give her a decent family meal before the party like a roast lunch or a large brunch depending on timings, something with some protein and veg in. Then do a lighter tea in the evening (omelette, beans on toast, soup etc). She won't be as hungry if she's eaten before hand so won't eat as much crap. Loosen up about the cake. Also it sounds like there's an absence of party rings and tunnocks tea cakes at these parties so please address this when you host a party.

Chill. She can still sit at the family dinner table and have tiny portions and engage in family conversations.

Don't t make a big deal out of it

Why don't you skip early lunch then? More likely to eat a sandwich if she is genuinely hungry and won't hurt to wait until mid afternoon to eat, rather than feeding her 4 meals in a day and wondering why she full.
Ideas for your own party-
Start it earlier, like 12-2 so it goes over lunchtime better.
Serve 'real food' in the buffet style and just don't offer crisps/chocolate? So- sandwiches, fruit, maybe sth like sausage rolls.
Believe it or not, crisps aren't a required food group, I'm honestly shocked that they have become part of s standard packed lunch tbh. When I grew up they were an occasional treat food, same a chocolate.
Have the snacks in the individual party boxes and only bring them out after they'd had 15 mins at the normal food.
Limit crisps to a multi pack bag each, not open bowls ro grab their fill

Let them fall on the buffet like locusts but go old school and do the cake at the very end and send it home in the party bags?

Whilst doing just cake would seem a bit scroogey, I do think it is worth thinking about, 1 meal a month or sth I'd just let it go, but multiple days a month or week isn't a treat anymore but a habit.

I used to love it when my kids had birthday tea, it meant I didn't need to cook a family meal

Me too! As the host as well it fills a nice bit of time at the party.

Honestly op. I can't believe you're considering not attending parties because of this. Your poor little girl.

It’s an odd thing to be stressed about! I would just take it as an opportunity not to cook family dinner. She can have a bowl of cereal if hungry later, you and DH can have something she wouldn’t like but you do e.g. spicy curry, cheese and wine night once she’s in bed. You have years of this ahead of you plus soon it’ll be drop parties so you can’t influence what she eats at all. You just have to the flex the family meal times to suit e.g. make lunch before the party the main meal of the day then do separate dinners. And I, like I think most other people, would expect my 4YO to be fed at an afternoon party and would have planned meals accordingly so if you’re really set on doing just cake then make sure you tell people in advance that’s the plan and be prepared that they’ll probably think you’re being cheap!

This is one of those things I'd have been bothered about with my first child and then realised didn't matter at all with my second.
Offer the tea time food at home, perhaps a smaller portion to avoid waste and if they are hungry they'll eat it.

Are you saying this because you don't want to pay for food at your own child's party?

If you're going to get this worked up, please decline the invitations. Won't be nice for your DC, but you do need to chill out.

@onetrickrockingpony I think it depends entirely on the timing of the party. If the party is 2-4 it seems madness to me to be giving them crisps and chocolate and cake and crap at 3pm. What even is that? Late lunch? Early tea? Fair enough if it's 11-1 or 12-2 I would expect food. But that would be early enough not to affect dinner time. If it's 2-4 then it's totally reasonable imo to offer just some fruit/crackers and cake.

@lizzyBennet08 she's fine thanks. She's had almost 10 birthday party invitations this term. Including multiple invitations for one weekend.

To be honest, I'd be glad to not have to cook a full dinner that evening 🤣

What is it? It's a party

Why is it so stressful? Why would you even try and feed her a full dinner after she's eaten at a party? Just give her a later small supper if she's hungry then (toast, cereal etc).

I would 100% serve food at her party.

Life is far too short to worry about this shit. The amount of parties will reduce as the years go on.

I went to a party recently with only 4 foods on offer, all healthy. Most children didn't like all 4 so they took 2 or 3 things. My son's plate had three cucumber sticks and two carrot sticks. The kids were small enough no one said anything but honestly I just thought it was joyless. A few crisps and party rings really aren't going to hurt anyone. It also made that portion of the party very short!

My children are at the very slim end of normal (like all MN children apparently, sorry for the stereotype) and eat plenty of fruit and veg but have always been allowed treats at a party.

If they've been to a party then they don't need a family dinner. They just need a snack later. These days pass so quickly it's not worth worrying about

What you have described is completely normal. I went to a six year olds birthday y’day. All the parents laughed because all the sandwiches were left at the end yet they all were like vultures for the party rings, pink wafers and chocolate fingers. This happened 40 years ago at parties and still happens now…shock horror, kids like chocolate, sweets and crisps.

I can’t get annoyed about this. We all come home and the kids eat again, sometimes they leave a lot. Annoying but meh.

Avoiding this by serving food at a party just looks miserly and I’d assume you couldn’t afford it.

Gosh, your family dinners must be incredibly important...

In the grand scheme of things, it’s one meal out of 21 per week

Just skip dinner or have a small supper before bed on party days. They usually run around so much at parties they've used up lots of energy anyway.
You need to chill a bit! It won't be every weekend.

If you went to a friend's house for a party and they had nibbles and stuff out would you not eat it in case you spoiled your dinner?! I certainly wouldn't!

Wow live a little. It's hardly every day.

Wait until the teenage years gives you real reason to worry then.

What I would give for my little one to have parties every weekend even if all she ate was the sweet stuff. My youngest has left for university. The days are long but the years are fast. Relax and enjoy these precious times.