Young kids parties without tea

[onetrickrockingpony]

Hi

My DD has her 4th birthday party next weekend. We attended one of her friends’ parties one yesterday. We’ve been to a lot of them recently…. Sometimes two in one weekend.

A party that runs 2-4pm will start often have a spread of cheese / ham sandwiches, some fruit, crisps, biscuits and then there’s cake at the end. It’s buffet style, provided in a pretty bag, or uncovered at the end, and without fail my daughter will skip the real stuff and go for the snack foods and fill up on fruit juice.

Every single time we go to one family dinner is ruined because she’s stuffed with nonsense food. She’d barely had lunch before the party started!

Would I be an utter Scrooge to just serve the cake at the end? Maybe I could balance it out with some nice fruit, crackers and cheese slices. So it’s not full on tea. And then everyone can go home.

Yesterday I overheard so many parents trying to negotiate with their child over saving something for later or not having more crisps because we were waiting for cake to come out. It is SO stressful. They don’t need it!

Unclench

The parties phase can be intense but is short. There can be clusters of birthdays, but ultimately there's a finite number. There's a max of 30 parties per year and probably fewer as not all children will hold big parties. That's a max out of 30 affected weekends and 23 unaffected across a year. That's not going to undo healthy food and social habits.

Just offer less in the evening after a party. Go for more light, nutritious foods if that's so important.

Food is important at parties. You really don't want a bunch of overhyped children getting hangry and overly emotional for two hours of gear-less rampage. Pausing for food 2/3s of the way through calms the pace down. Cake and party bag at the end is the signal that it's game over. It keeps children fuelled and calms the mood.

It's kids' party food. It is supposed to be stuff they aren't normally allowed to gorge themselves on - that's the whole point of party food.

If she’s been to a be party, don’t expect her to eat a full tea. Just give her a small tea - toast, crumpets. Etc.

Poor child!

Yes, you would be unreasonable not to serve food at a party because people will be expecting it and will have planned meals around it. You’ll end up with a lot of hangry, whinging kids and parents rolling their eyes.

Why is your family dinner so important? If it’s about social family time, just serve your DD a small portion and let her pick at it. Don’t stop her going to parties because of this! Going to parties is just as important for her social well being as family dinners, if not more, as they are less frequent. If it’s about nutrition, just tell her before the party that she can’t just eat sweet treats and help her pick food, like every other parent does 🙄 The odd party where there are no healthy choices won’t kill her… Not that I have ever been to a party with nothing healthy at all.

Perhaps your DD is going overboard with the junk food at parties because you are so strict about controlling what she eats? Declining invitations because she doesn’t eat dinner is extreme, controlling behaviour. You are likely heading for her having a very unhealthy relationship with food…

It’s usually only for the first year in school as well that the parties are so often. They start to get smaller so less invites overall.

What's the problem with eating party food occasionally and skipping tea? I can't see any issue. You need to serve food

I prefer attending and hosting 10am-12pm parties because 2-4 is such an awkward time - too late for lunch, too early for dinner, and the amount of food waste is shocking.

But honestly attending the party is more important than the food - when dc attend any party I don’t control food / dietary choices or encourage them to eat. If they eat fine, if they don’t that’s fine too, if they gorge on sweets and don’t want dinner they go to bed without dinner. It’s fine you have the rest of your life to apply rules lol.

Going against the majority

I think it’s fine to choose not to serve tea if you host a party that’s not at tea time (ie 2-4 as you said). As long as you make that clear on the invites so people can plan accordingly.

However I think you’d be mad to do this for another reason - the tea bit of the party takes up quite a bit of time when they are little. It’s also the bit where they sit down and everyone gets a breather from all the running about and screaming. Without tea you are looking at an extra 45 min of entertainment and chaos!!

I definitely wouldn’t stop my child going to parties just because they’ll eat crap and not eat a proper dinner. It’s one meal a week even in the “party every weekend” phase (which only lasts a couple of years). Just make lunch super healthy if you are worried.

It's not going to harm her having party food instead of dinner.
Very uptight

If they eat healthily during the week, it doesn't really cause harm if they let go a bit at the weekend. As PP have said, the loads of parties phase only really lasts from Reception to Y2, and whilst there might be clusters like you're experiencing now, there will be quieter times too. My DS was in a very "old" year group, where about 75% of his friends had birthdays before Christmas. October and November were bonkers, but then there were only two parties the term after.

If she’s eating fairly healthy meals on the other 5/6 days does it really matter , that is the point of a party tea - although a few veggies would be nice . You have many years to have family meal times and the big party years don’t last long

Gosh you are such a superior parent to us all!!

So tight not to serve food at a party

My goodness, just unclench.

There is honestly nothing worse at a party than some uptight mum trying to police what little Theo/Mia is eating.

YABVU to think seriously about not serving food.

Not to mention daft - who wants to be in charge of a roomful of hangry young children!

Provide party food. Don’t worry about one or two meals out of 21 in a week. The Endless Parties phase only lasts about 12-18 months in a child’s life.

Complete scrooge, surely everyone knows proper food goes put the window at a party? but your choice, just make sure to let people know it's a no food (cheese and crackers is a snack, not food) party as most of parents for a 2-4pm party will plan just a snack before expecting their kids to be fed. It's one of the positives about going to a party, and at that time.

On the up side she's getting the benefit of social interaction and some practice at autonomy. And you are in a social circle with the wealth to hold parties. The pips are squeaking at my kids school, there was a flurry of parties post covid and now parents simply can't afford to host.
You have your hang ups about food. Mine go the other way and I really struggle to sort out proper sit down meals and was always delighted if a party involveed my children being fed, I was just relieved not to have to sort out yet another fucking meal

Why does it matter is she's full? Doesnt stop her sitting at the table and engaging does it? How odd.

You sound like a party grinch!!

Really mean to not serve a tea. We didn’t serve crap at ours. Well, some crap but lots of healthy stuff too.

You're 'stressed' because your 4 year old has filled up on party food and won't eat her dinner.

Right then 🤦‍♀️👌🏻

(You have so many 'stressful' years ahead of you 😂)

So uptight OP! You serve party foods at parties. Most kids barely eat anything anyway, they’re too busy playing. The only kids I know stuffing their faces are the ones whose parents provide them with really restrictive orthorexic-type diets at home.

“Poor child!”

^^

I think the OP could do with loosening up a little with party food. However, I have never understood why posters say things like ‘poor child’, like the child is neglected or something. OP is concerned about how much crap her reception aged child consumes. This is understandable, albeit very minor in the grand scheme of things and something OP will likely become familiar/ more laid back with over time. There’s no ‘poor child’ here! Parents understandably care about their children’s diets.

Haha, you deliberately served up a joyless inedible cake at a children's party and then titillated yourself by judging the children who rejected it

Sometimes I forget how perfectly dreadful people can be. Good ol' MN 😂

I have been to dozens of kids’ parties over the past decade.

Food
No food
Entertainment
Kids left to run circles in a church hall
Healthy
All you can drink slushies
Food for parents
Nothing for parents
Morning
Afternoon
After school weekday
In the park
At home
In a ££££ soft play venue
Party bags
No party bags
Worthy party bags

It’s all fine.

Actually, @MummaMummaJumma, I think a child whose parent is considering declining party invitations in the future because they don’t eat their dinner afterwards is very much falls into the “poor child” category.