A FwB women has no self respect 🤣

[Heisabastard]

I found out on Thursday night partner of 4 years was cheating on me.

He's trying to reconcile, so I'm humouring him a little. I'm enjoying the squirming. A lot. One of the things he's done is show me his messaging with her since I found out to show how he's told her he can't see her.

Her responses! Hilarious!

She knew about me. She knew we'd been together over 4 years. She stupidly believed he was in an open relationship. She fucked him bareback (another issue for me, I know...). He's seen her about 5 times since June.

She's got the actual gall to try to play the pick me dance! She's demanding she meet him so she can have it out with him. She says she's done nothing wrong (err, 👋). She deserves it apparently. He owes her to meet in a neutral place where he must give her his full attention for one hour or seven, however long it takes. And after that she may, or may not, take him back.

And get this... He's never going to meet a stronger woman than her. She's a fierce mama bear. You don't want to cross her or push her. She's threatened to smear his name if he, or I, tells anyone they've been fucking. Why on earth would either of us do that? Grow up woman!

If you're so strong lady, then have some self respect. Stop trying to get him to come back to you. Stop being such a piss poor role model for your teenage daughter by fucking a stranger without a condom. Look after your sexual health. Stop wanting to take back a lying cheating cunt. Stop pleading. Stop believing a few secret shags trumps a 4 year relationship.

One girl to another, be better.

I dont think it makes a difference if its after she found actually, you’re sitting there reading her messages, ranting that you’d never behave like that. About a woman who has been hurt, and insisting that you’re better than. Maybe he told her he loved her: maybe she loved him back. Get a grip yourself and look at the man in front of you making you both dance to his tune.

This is soooo cringe. OP, whatever she does its her decision and not for you to judge. I get it you are upset, but she is not your problem here.

Your ex is an unbelievable manipulative cunt. Showing you her messages, what a twat. I can imagine how it hurts, knowing you spent 4 years of your life on this wanker.

This isn’t the way.

How do you know she’s a FWB?
How do you really know anything?

How do you know she doesn’t love him and he’s not lied to her just like you?

You do know you sound angry and at the wrong person no less?

I know you're hurting at the moment OP. What's happened is spectacularly shit for you and must have come as a horrible shock.
I've never been one for "She's single so doesn't owe anyone anything" because I think people who deliberately go after people who are attached are absolute scum.

BUT in this case she believed he was in an open relationship because that's what he told her. She's in shock herself and will probably hate herself tomorrow after her messages to him.

I do think your anger (although understandable!) is misplaced. Be kind to yourself and do nice things for yourself over the next few days, drink water and eat!
Stop engaging with this loser and his shitty texts. You and she both deserve better.

Throw him back in the sea and let the fucker float.

O...k....

If she's done what you say she has, she's not likely to care what you think

OP what is the point of humouring him? Do you think that's the self respecting thing to do? Stop the games, this isn't a prize you want to win.

It's been 5 days since you found out, I really hope you've had an STD test in that time and not just spent it all obsessing about her.

She thought he was in an open relationship already so presumably she doesn’t mind sharing him as much as you do.

She is actually irrelevant to you, He sounds like a total arse and you are better off without him. I wouldn’t communicate with him anymore as he probably loves the drama and attention.

He is playing both of you like a fiddle. Yes, still, even though you got rid of him.

Can't you see how he has triangulated you and her? You are laughing at her, which is precisely what he wants you to do. He placed each of you rent-free in each other's heads and he is probably still getting off on how successfully he has manipulated the both of you into each thinking you are superior to the other.

The two of you might not even be the only ones he has been fucking over. As for his "squirming"? I would not be at all surprised if it were a finely honed act he has performed for plenty of women in the past.

This^

When my stbxh was caught out I definitely had feelings about the woman who he was with because she knew about me and that I'd just had a baby and in my head I couldn't understand how one woman could do that to another because I NEVER could.

But I made sure all of my anger was directed at him. Where it was meant to be directed. He's the one who took vows. He's the one who made those choices. He's the one who told the lies and strung her and you along for his own ends. He did the gaslighting. He ruined our family.

Ultimately she just happened to be the person he did all of that with.

Its understandable to be angry with both of them but i'd just try to be glad you are smart and confident enough to know to be done with him. The way I see it now the woman my ex was involved with did me a favour by helping to show me who he was because I'd never have expected it of him otherwise.

Yes. And OP wrote this post in the hopes that the woman who had the affair with her husband will read it, as if it is the other woman's fault that her husband sleeps with everyone he can get his hands on.

He's the one who was married to you and supposed not to shag about, not her. I mean god knows what he's told her about you.

Of course you are able to feel angry towards her but I can't see this being helpful.

Would you not be angry if once a woman who was shagging your partner found out that he wasn't in an open relationship carried on trying to be with him
I would I would be fucked off with him more but I would definitely hate her.

Ah OP, I get that it's easier to focus on her rather than him. It's a massive headfuck to process. But you need to face what he's done head on. He's deflecting by showing you this stuff to dilute your focus.

Tell us you have RL support and are not hiding what he's done?

Oh dear I have seemed to have stumbled across the middle class, I deserve a second chance at love brigade thread.

Have you done the chilli rubbing in his underpants yet OP? That's your next step.

Yeah @Moonshiners but I wouldn't come on MN throwing my weight around about her. I mean, way to preserve your dignity.

Does anybody actually know someone in an open relationship 🤔

Not withstanding the one's that lie to themselves about it to suit their agenda.

The clue to your problem is in your username. You seem very obsessed with this women, I started to count how many times you used the word she in your message and had to give up. He told her it was an open relationship, why is your anger towards the women?

@Happygogoat agree, giving me high levels of cringe. Can only imagine what this relationship / squirming along is like. Sounds very bizarre and unhealthy

I do. It works for them.

Um it's not literal is it 🙄

But she thought he was in an open relationship? So while I don’t agree with open relationships or casual sex, morally she has actually not done anything wrong, she didn’t know she was part of an affair.