When are you not ‘on’ all the time as a parent?

[supertaytoes]

Probably the answer is never. Half term here and I have two tiny ones (3 and 1.) Obviously they need pretty much constant supervision and interaction although I do bob in and out, nip upstairs briefly, but the idea of ‘relaxing’, of watching a TV show or reading a book or something while they’re awake is unthinkable.

So I got to wondering … when does that become a possibility? Obviously not for a good few years but when? Teens? Or before?

Presuming you aren't a lone parent, as they get older you can take turns for time out. Toddlers is the thick of it.

Well yes, I know that thanks, but that’s not what I’m asking. I’m wondering when they stay in their rooms and play, or potter round doing their own thing and don’t need constant supervision.

My 5 year old will happily play in the garden by herself, or she'll go up play in her room, or sit and do a jigsaw.

Obviously I don't leave her in the garden for ages while I go for a nap or anything. But I can sit and read a book on the sofa where I can see the garden.

My 6 year will old sometimes play alone for a short time without needing supervision, I'd say from the age of 5. She will sit in front of a short film from the age of 3. DC2 is 3 and they will play well with the 6yo sometimes again not needing close supervision. It's short bursts and irregular and realistically the vast majority of the time they are either in front of the telly or playing together or alone, I'm doing housework, I don't have time to just sit and chill. I do that in the evenings as I'd rather do it then than do housework then.

My two are 2+4 and they play together quite nicely in several bursts throughout the day.

Not enough to sit and watch tv, but enough to eat breakfast and scroll on mumsnet.

When my youngest was 3.5 things suddenly got a lot easier. I could sit around a lot and make DC would play.
From around 7 my DC started playing in their rooms a lot and days out and holidays became a lot of fun around the age of 6.
I really enjoyed the primary school years and onwards.

I have a 13 and an 11 year old and I haven't seen them for about two hours.

It's very chill but kinda boring sometimes too.

Mine are 6 and 9 and it would be unheard of for me to watch telly or read a book in the day. I’m ‘on’ constantly. Today I said to my son ‘I’m going in the garden to hang the washing out. Don’t call me for 10 mins!’ Lasted about 6 mins before ‘mum!! Mum!!’ There was a drama because there was one crumpet left, which they both wanted. Eldest went on to burn it in the toaster. Big ruckus ensued.

DS is 5 and whilst I generally keep an ear out, he plays independently a fair amount. I can easily lie on the sofa for an hour or two and read a book while he's pottering around. I try not to watch TV too much when he's around but when it was something like the Olympics, we had it on a lot and he would mainly ignore it.

I think it’s child dependent.

My nephew (7) is a master of quiet, independent play. Has been since being a small toddler. He lulled me into a false sense of what was normal.

My niece is 5 and somedays she wants all of my SIL and some days she will occupy herself happily. I’d say that’s the norm. I can already tell my DC2 will be like this. She is better now than when she was 3 and I’m sure she’ll be better again by 7.

My eldest child is intensely needy and requires lots of adult attention. I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever be able to sit and read without him bothering me. If there is a person present he needs their attention. But he is neurodiverse, so I guess that’s probably not ‘standard’

I watch my tv shows while my 2yo plays, always have done.

My 6 year old doesn't need me constantly. Plays on the play station for a bit, happy to occasionally play with Lego or whatever alone or watch tv. Bliss!

But I've also got a toddler (and a new dog!) so you have my sympathies. My toddler is obsessed with me and it can feel overwhelming at times.

Once the youngest is about 5, you start to get some time to yourself and everything is much easier. You begin the process of becoming a separate person again.

Agree it’s child dependent but, if it gives you hope, my ND DS1 who could NEVER play independently has suddenly mastered the art (aged 12) of doing so.

DS2 could be left for hours to play from about 3. (He would also self entertain as a baby on the baby gym…I was astonished as DS1 would be yelling for attention in less time than it took to sit down).

Can you set up a play pen for them for a bit?

When they're asleep is the only answer to this. Even with teenagers you're interrupted. You might get to watch a whole movie but more likely there'll be a couple of trips to the kitchen and then they want to join you and chat 20 minutes before the end, usually after being mute all day. I get my peace in the mornings now. When they were little It was the evening once they were in bed, I used to stay up late to reclaim some time for myself.

I could properly read or relax as the only adult home when the youngest was 7 I think. There were short glimpses from 5.

supertaytoes
Do you have a partner, my DH and i
used to give each other some time at the weekend and that worked really well?

Our childcare fell through today and my 6 year old spent maybe half the day amusing herself - a bit of TV, drawing, making bracelets, playing with her toys. We were working at home and did interact with her but she managed decent stints of just doing her own thing. That’s pretty new!

Depends a bit on their personality.
dc2 could play on her own, and would settle to do things for quite a chunk of time from about 3. Dc1, OTOH needed FAR more intervention. Never settled down to focus on anything for more time than it took your to turn round and head back to the kitchen. That went on for some years.

However, the idea of sitting and reading a book during the day never hit my radar until they were teens.

I've a 3 year old (and a 5 month old) and I can definitely zone out a bit while 3yo playing independently. Other than that I guess when I'm asleep 😅

I have similar ages and I feel guilty sometimes that we don’t ‘do’ as much together anymore… even in the house just being in the same room.

On the flip side of the baby days… I’m currently sat in a car in a dark hotel car park waiting for my 15yr old to finish work.

From about 5 especially if there’s a friend over or older sibling.

My children are 4.5 & 6 and this summer holidays was the first time I felt like it really eased up, I did actually sit and read a book while they played together, and could easily get things done around the house. They do get on really well so entertain eachother a lot, which definitely helps. If I'm just home with one of them I'm needed a lot more than if they are both with me.