When are you not ‘on’ all the time as a parent?

[supertaytoes]

Probably the answer is never. Half term here and I have two tiny ones (3 and 1.) Obviously they need pretty much constant supervision and interaction although I do bob in and out, nip upstairs briefly, but the idea of ‘relaxing’, of watching a TV show or reading a book or something while they’re awake is unthinkable.

So I got to wondering … when does that become a possibility? Obviously not for a good few years but when? Teens? Or before?

Does your DD have SEND because that sounds unusual at that age.

Mine are 7 and 9. I can def get sone downtime now, I need to make better use of it really.

A big plus I've noticed is enjoying the fims they want to watch more. Playing games together that we all like. So although not "me" time, it's more enjoyable family time

A turning point for me was when DS would be able to watch one of the longer CBeebies programmes. The feature length Peter Rabbit programmes were about 20 minutes, and I think Swashbuckle was about the same length. He was 4 I think or nearly 4 when that started. I would get everything ready that I needed to relax - cup of coffee, book, even the cushions set up properly on the sofa for me to lie down.

And it got better from there.

I also introduced him staying in bed until 7:00, and I think he woke at about 6:15 ish when he was about 4. I put the toys that he likes playing with the most in his room and that kept him in there. He had a clock and would come in to me at 7:00 on the dot.

I agree with this that it is a bit boring sometimes when they go off doing their own thing! I read and do housework then get bored!

To answer the op it depends on personalities too. My 7yo will do his own thing for hours and can be pretty quiet. My just 10yo can ask for more input but can be pretty good too.

I read my own book everyday (when I'm not working) and have been able to do that for years, I think the visual prop of the book is helpful. Get training them now! I used to tell mine I was on a break!

12 year old was quite an independent player from about 2.

10 year old.... was not. Always wanted an adult, other kids weren't sufficient.
4 year old independent player.
Toddler is not.

Mine are 9 and 13 and definitely had periods for last couple of years where I can do my own thing . My youngest does still like me to do things with her but she will happily play for a while on her own .

Yes, this ^^.
Mine are now teens/preteen. I still feel ‘on’ when I am with them, ‘Off’ is when they are at school, doing out of home activities and when they’re asleep. Evening ‘me-time’ also disappears as they stay up later and we’ll often hang out in evening or watch tv together. It’s a different kind of ‘on’ though. Lots more emotional support, helping with homework/revision, supporting/encouraging them towards independence and to learn the skills that come with that journey towards adulthood. Can sometimes feel relentless but equally wouldn’t change it for the world.

I've got 14, 13, 10 and 5 year old.

I can easily doze on the sofa now. I cam go hours without seeing the older three who are out with their friends/watching TV in their rooms/on computer or phones. 5 year old is quite happy playing independently in her room or lounge. Mine have always been pretty independent at playing, getting a drink etc.

I think the more ‘on’ you feel the need to be, the more they’ll come to expect. If you provide 24/7 entertainment and never let them learn how to amuse themselves you’ll never get any peace.

5 was our golden age

As soon as you give them a sniff of a screen, you'll have as many hours as you want to yourself. It's simply up to you to decide how much screen time is too much.

DS is now 5 and the difference is INSANE. He wakes up on weekends, peels my eyelids back to check he can go watch TV (😂), then disappears until I haul myself out of bed!

From about the age of 4 he could happily entertain himself, and play nicely with other kids with no adult intervention.

My son required longer engagement with me than my daughter. She'd quite happily draw or play by herself from quite a young age, whereas my son needed to do things with someone or get that outside stimulation. Unfortunately it didn't work them playing together. Also he needed energy burning off
I think school age - so about 5, they are more independent and at least you know they aren't going to kill themselves if you go deal with the laundry etc. Certainly by 8 they are able to entertain themselves to an extent. However they still want to be where you are. I don't think mine used their rooms much (unless they had a friend over) until they were about 12.

@widelegenes maybe, we are just starting out on looking at assessment. Sometimes she is a lot better at being left, but right now just seems in a bit of a phase.

Mine were around 9 amd 7 without much required. Now they're a bit older as long as they have food and WiFi then I get a good few hours doing things around the house without interruption

From about when they were 3 & 7 my two would play together, although I inevitably had to go break up an argument sooner or later. Sometimes I got to read a book while they did this (mostly I just scrolled MN). At 9 & 12 we seem to have gone backwards as they don't have many common interests. 12 year old I barely know he's in the house, 9 year old can't seem to play alone so now asks me too (she does have SEN though). From about 2 both would watch TV for about half an hour so I could get jobs done / have a bit of a lie in. I did use this sparingly and noticed they paid far more attention to it than my friends kids who always had the tv on.