Wondering if nursery age DD has enough breaks from childcare?

[Intotheebyss]

For those of you with children at private childcare settings, how many days will you keep them out of nursery in a given year? My daughter is in full time at a local nursery and she is obviously off for all the bank holidays, 2 weeks over Christmas and another 1 or 2 week long break at other points in the year. Is this enough? I’m comparing it to school age children who have breaks every half term. I don’t always use my annual leave for family time and save some in case I need to take time off for kids illnesses, and also the odd day when I need time to myself. Is this normal / am I a bad mum for not keeping my daughter off nursery whenever I’m off work? TIA

I don’t think so as we need the breaks more than them! But does she seem to need more time with you? (Not a criticism, my ds does four and a half days a week at preschool and I only work three days!)

Surely this means you only see your child a few hours a day? I would want more time with them yes. But it's fine to also need a break from responsibility.

@5475878237NC So I work full time 8-4 each day at home. we get an hour or so before nursery everyday and a good chunk at the end of the day as she’s always home by half 4. And we’re always both around all weekend. I wondered whether to drop a day & have a day with my daughter each week but it’s not cost effective for us

@supertaytoes thank you. This is reassuring! I always think she might want more time with us but she doesn’t say that she does. It’s just me feeling guilty I think as most of my friends work 4 days and have a day off with their children and seem to prioritise that above all else. But I really struggle some breaks from the chaos

It sounds like she is nursery a lot to me but i never had my kids in nursery more than 3 days a week 9-3 term time and we spent lots of time doing activities etc. I know that's not realistic for everyone but 8-4 in nursery with only a few weeks of a year in reality means she isn't spending much time at home or with you. Personally I would say reducing a day a week will be really beneficial to her plus give you more freedom long term with childcare (school holidays are a nightmare childcare wise)

Mine is in 7-5 every day. I am a teacher though so when I'm off he usually does 2 days a week rather than 5.
Op you can only do what you can do. Perhaps on some annual leave days she could do a half day rather than a full day.

Are you unhappy with the amount you see her?

Do you think that dropping a half day and spreading the dropped hours across the week would help?

Lots of people think in terms of whole days, but an hour every day could be just as valuable.

@PlayDadiFreyr thank you. I don’t know how I feel, just constant guilt really. I miss her some days and other I worry that when she’s deregulated after nursery that it’s because she’s full time vs 4 days per week. I’ve always been wracked with guilt going back to work full time and also this year I’m off with our second child on mat leave so haven’t been able to take as many breaks as we would normally as a family as my hubbie used up a lot of his annual
leave as paternity leave..

I think it's fine to take annual leave to do your own thing and she'll be fine in nursery as she is. However I think you could try having a holiday at home instead of going away, that might give her down time, and time to be bored and develop her imagination. I'm assuming that like most of us, the 1 or 2 week long breaks you mention you're going away, and probably doing things on weekends, and probably days out on bank holidays. I work 3 days so DC have 2 with me, and I try to ensure at least one of the afternoons we're at home on our own. I have very fond memories of playing at home and in the garden with my sister and I'm keen my children should have that too.

I paid for full time and never used my holidays for childcare - it was for family holidays or personal time.

Just seen this update. Why not make the most of being on mat leave this year and only send her in 3 or 4 days a week, try it out for a few weeks and see how she and you cope. I found it extremely hard work with 2 little ones and was glad of eldest's nursery days when on mat leave!

Some people will say that the answer is to not feel guilt because everyone is doing their best, and sometimes the guilt is telling you that you want to do something differently.

I'm doing 4 days compressed hours, so is my husband, but it's hectic for three days a week, and we also take AL and time out to lunch together when he's in nursery etc. I'm decorating the house tomorrow and having some chill time.

When i had kids in childcare i used all my annual leave and flexitime on days/time with them - i felt like i didnt need days to myself if this meant even less time with them when as it was i wanted more time with them.

But i had requested part time working and had it turned down so already felt i was getting less time with them than id hoped for.

To be honest even now with school aged kids i never take day of annual leave just to have a day to myself, would always prefer the time with my kids, but its a very personal choice and no way is any better than another. If your daughter is happy and settled at nursery thats all that matters.

We did full time 8-5 51 weeks a year. They only missed nursery if they were ill, it was a bank holiday or we were on holiday (3 weeks a year). The rest of the time they were there. We would have leave to relax and they would still go as they loved it. It was a hard transition to school where they have 13 weeks a year off!! I haven't had a day's leave to myself since they left nursery & it's hard. Enjoy it whilst you can!

@HaleyBrookeandPeyton thank you for this. What do you do about holiday clubs now they’re at school? Do you cover all school holidays yourselves?

I think that’s very normal for working parents using year round childcare. Realistically, it isn’t different for working parents with school age children. They are in holiday club during many breaks from school, not just at home with family. Mine were in nursery every day except bank holidays, 2 weeks at Christmas and the last week of August when nursery was closed, with maybe a couple other days off here and there for holidays.

Thanks so much to everyone for contributing to this x

You do what works for your family. My youngest was in nursery 4 days a week 8-5 during term time from 18 months until he started school. I felt so guilty for leaving him from so young. I soon learnt that everyone does what works for their family. My youngest is now at secondary school and I still feel guilt for a whole load of stuff. It seems to be part of motherhood, we’re so bloody hard on ourselves. Be kind to yourself OP.

Our oldest two had all school holidays and a weekly day off.
Our yongst had all school holidays and two weekly days off.
They were at nursery 9am-1.30pm. No regrets.
We woorked full time but my husband is a teacher and holidays matched family well.

If you're on mat leave you could always pick her up for half days sometimes

Honestly I found mine were ok at this age, but when they were older they did need breaks at home more.

Ours were FT from the baby room. We didn't compress our hours because we have flexible jobs so we could have breakfast and dinner together as a family every day with a bit of work after bedtime. That was (is) important to us.

Once they were older and at nursery school as well then they were into the grind of term time etc and did need more of a break.

How old is your daughter OP? Kids have different tolerances for childcare based on their age

We both teach & never used childminder in school hols (had to pay half still but DH didn't like sending them)

I dropped my hours & was completely broke but it meant they only had couple of days childcare & a day with nanna.

Why is she still in full time nursery while you're on maternity leave? I can understand going say 3 days/week but yes I do think that full time is a lot for them. That said I have friends who used nursery a lot more than me & their teens are happy & doing well at school. So I think the main thing is you're happy & solvent 😊

Mine coped better when younger and napping I would say. Now at 3 DD does a mix of pre school and nursery. Pre school 1.5 days a week and 2 full days at nursery. She's pretty exhausted on her 'day off'. I think if she was full time I'd be using the majority of my AL with DD.

If you're on Mat Leave why is she in nursery?