Wondering if nursery age DD has enough breaks from childcare?

[Intotheebyss]

For those of you with children at private childcare settings, how many days will you keep them out of nursery in a given year? My daughter is in full time at a local nursery and she is obviously off for all the bank holidays, 2 weeks over Christmas and another 1 or 2 week long break at other points in the year. Is this enough? I’m comparing it to school age children who have breaks every half term. I don’t always use my annual leave for family time and save some in case I need to take time off for kids illnesses, and also the odd day when I need time to myself. Is this normal / am I a bad mum for not keeping my daughter off nursery whenever I’m off work? TIA

I don't really know what to say to you - everyone is different, not everyone feels the same as you. I never felt bad about sending either of my DC to nursery as they enjoy it.

IMO, if nursery is acceptable when the parents are at work, then it's acceptable. The child's experience of nursery doesn't change based on whether the parents are at work or at home, their day is the same regardless.

DT’s went to nursery full time, five days a week from six months old. We didn’t have enough annual leave to take them out of nursery every holiday period. We also used breakfast, after school and holiday clubs as do many other families. Our DT’s thrived and were as close a family as you can get.

My youngest is in year-round nursery, we tend to take her out for May and October half term as her sibling is in school, but not for February half term or the whole of the summer holidays (oldest goes to holiday club). That allows a decent balance of family/work time, and also allows us to spend one on one time with the children individually.

We use the odd day of annual leave for things which are tricky with kids underfoot as we don’t have family locally, but DH and I both have a generous leave allowance.

My dcs were at nursery full time because I worked full time. That’s ok.
They were ‘off’ from nursery when we were on hols ourselves so as you say weekends, bank hols and the 5 weeks of hols.

For those who are saying it’s a lot, I think FATHERS should start working part time so children have more time at h9me with a parent .

Mine was in a private nursery and I paid 1300 a month for it. No way was I paying that then keeping him at home. He had enough down time with all the sick days, INSETS and bank holidays. I took him out if we were doing something like a holiday or visiting family for a long weekend. Never to just sit at home.

The problem is we all assume an identical experience. Even if people understand in a sort of academic way that not everyone has the same experience parenting as they do they often don’t really understand it, or know what it’s like to live it.

I have friends who are teachers, married to other teachers, both home by five o clock, both off on the school holidays, both with the same constraints and inflexibility with their work schedules. I have friends who have their own parents local and eager and willing to help; I have friends who have parents further afield but still willing to help if needs be.

If I imagine for a moment I’m 34, not 44, my parents are alive and healthy, heck my grandparents probably are if I shave another ten years off my age. Dhs parents are ten years younger and early sixties instead of early seventies. If if if. My parenting experience with toddlers and preschoolers would probably be a different one and maybe I’d say incredulously to someone that why would you find it that hard? After all …

I also know people who can’t afford childcare and WFH with their kids in front of screens, or who have to send them to relatives who also just put them in front of screens, or to childminders and nurseries that aren’t the best. There are a thousand variables on the parenting journey.

The best thing to do usually is to go back to what we know. The most damaging thing time and again for people is poverty. It leads into things like domestic violence, substance misuse, ill health (physical and mental) and dysfunction. That’s what we know; that’s what the statistics tell us.

Outside of this, it tends to just be making women parents feel guilty for the sake of it. There has been no study I am aware of indicating that it is detrimental for a child to attend nursery and certainly nothing indicating that it is harmful for a child of three: in fact, the opposite is true and if I was pushed to make a choice - send full time or not at all - I think the latter would be potentially more damaging.

My DS cried on the one day a week he didn't go to Nursery! He is the youngest of 4 and I think he found days off with just me at home we're boring.

@supertaytoes thank you for saying this. It’s what I’ve needed to hear for a while x

The best thing to do usually is to go back to what we know. The most damaging thing time and again for people is poverty. It leads into things like domestic violence, substance misuse, ill health (physical and mental) and dysfunction. That’s what we know; that’s what the statistics tell us.

@supertaytoes thank you.
Thats a really refreshing outlook.

Mine went whenever it was open unless they were ill apart from in the last term before school when I did take them for a special day out

And yes @ComingBackHome I’ve had several conversations with my hubbie about this, he just doesn’t get the ‘guilt’ like I do. Sees things as very black and white. And has never considered dropping hours to care for the children. It’s more aligned with how he was brought up whereas my upbringing my parents were very 50/50, if anything my dad did more of the childcare when we were school age (drop offs / holidays / sick days) as his job was more flexible

Also OP nursery is a bit more relaxed than school, or ours was. My little one was exhausted after her first term at school and really needed the break nursery they had lots of chill time built into the day

Ahh OK @Intotheebyss at three I think she'll be fine. Basically a lot of the studies say:

• under 1 year old, nursery increases behavioural problems, raises stress hormone
• 1-2 slight increase behavioural problems + stress
• 2 years and over, slight negative to neutral/no impact
• 3 years and over, positive affects on behaviour & cognition

These are averages - but under two the optimal childcare is one-to-one care with a single adult. After 2 it's debatable and after 3 there are clear benefits to nursery for young kids.