Getting out of invites

[bissom]

How do you do it?

Depends on what the invitation is for

Chrstmas

I say that it sounds brilliant and I’d love to come, but I’ve got a feeling I’ve got something on around that date and I don’t want to double book myself and let them know, so I’ll check when I get home and let them know. And then I tell them I can’t make it.

It’s always better to decline an invitation rather than accept and let them down later on, when they’ve made their plans around you.

Ok, that changes things! 😁

I’d be honest. Say ‘thanks so much for the invite, but I’ve been thinking about what I want to do this year and I’ve decided that I really want to stay at home/go to a desert island etc so I’ll be doing that. But thank you for thinking of me’.

Work do?
Great Aunt Doris Christmas Carol sing along?
In laws Christmas day dinner with 25 people you don't like?

Each would have a different response.

Depends, you can say you are somewhere else. I've a single friend who admitted the other year that she gets lot of invitations for Christmas but really prefers being home alone doing her own thing - so she tells people she's somewhere else...

But I just want to be at home is fine...or turn up for a bit...

Just say “thanks that’s a really kind invitation but this year we are going X- would love to catch up
in the new year though” or whatever. You don’t need a whole spiel.

Key thing is to do it promptly- it’s so annoying for the other person when you stretch it out. I think people sometimes think doing this is letting the other person down gently but it’s just irritating.

Worst of all is to say yes knowing you plan to pull out.

It's an annual invite, we are childless but now their children have children.

So, far to many people and we would rather stay away

Is it on Christmas day? In the lead up to?

"Thank you so much, you know how much Dave and I enjoy the get together, but we've unintentionally made plans for the same day, so won't make it"

Then go do something fun!!!

Is there a reason you can’t just say you want a quiet Christmas at home this year?

On the day. Don't want to look like I don't want to be there 😜

That's very kind of you but no thank you, we're looking forward to a quiet one at home.

It's OK to not want to be there btw

Have used that excuse before 😫

But you don't so why can't you be honest and say this year you have decided to have a quiet time just the two of you so you have booked a meal out or something

Just say you have plans to stay home. You don’t need to battle with excuses.

It isn't an excuse, it's the truth. You're not obliged to go to their place for Christmas and you don't need excuses. Don't lie, just say thanks for the invitation but we're staying at home this Christmas Day.

We do enjoy a quiet Christmas at home by ourselves, but thanks so much of thinking of us. I'm sure you'll have lots of fun with all the family there.

It's not an excuse - it's true. My Dad would never leave his home for Christmas and we just accepted it. My MiL came to us once, then went away with her friends every year after 😂

Is it family OP? My sister invites us every year but there is no pressure to attend, and she isn't offended when we mostly say thanks for the invitation, but we're having a quiet one this year.

If it's your sister or similar, can't you say truthfully- we find it a bit overwhelming, with all the people, so we'd rather have a quiet day on our own, and maybe catch up with you another day during the holidays

This is exactly what I do, gives me a bit of breathing space to decide whether I want to accept or not and then can decline gracefully. One I do accept then I'm committed unless something unforeseen crops up to scupper plans. I don't want to be 'that friend' who keeps dropping out at the last minute.

So say you loved your quiet Christmas so much you want to do it again. It’s not an excuse (like coincidentally coming down with D&V two Christmas Eves in a row would be), it’s an explanation as to why you want to do something differently. There’s no real way of refusing an invitation without looking like you don’t want to be there because otherwise you’d accept the invitation and be there. You could pretend you have plans this year, but that’s kicking the can down the road to next year. Just depends if not wanting to tell your family you prefer a Christmas on your own matters more than spending Christmas how you want it.

My Brother in law just says he's having a quiet one again and usually makes plan to see my DH sometime around Christmas....It's fine.

Then say you loved it so much, it's what you want to do again.

It's OK to put yourself first sometimes.