DM doesn't want to get a cleaner because "they're for posh people"

[CleanerConundrums]

My mum is in her early 60s. She doesn't want to acknowledge that she should be slowing down at this point in her life. I think she should be taking things easier as she enters the autumn of her life. She does all the cleaning in her house herself. I don't feel comfortable with the thought of her climbing on ladders, kneeling down, mopping the floor and hoovering every day. To that end I have suggested the idea of her hiring a cleaner. I would even be willing to pay for them myself. Whenever I mention it, she balks at the idea. She has said that only posh people get cleaners. I see plenty of posts on MN from people with cleaners, some of whom are younger than my mum. I'm sure that most of them wouldn't consider themselves to be posh. She doesn't have a gardener either, which is another matter. What are people's thoughts on this?

OP, I do not fully agree with you here.
Cleaning in moderation each day will help to keep her active. I would share your worry about climbing ladders, but not so much the rest, bar maybe kneeling down if she has any issues with her knees or legs. The climbing ladders things do not need to be done regularly, and she should indeed get a cleaner around to do those jobs.
Is your mother retired or working?
Does she go for walks, to joga or pilates or other gym activities?
All these need to be taken into account.
I am getting older and I can feel that the less I do, the stiffer I get. So it works better for me to do more, even if it is tiring.

I’m in my mid sixties and would love to slow down and ditch some of the hard physical / mundane jobs. Constantly running after my own very elderly mother doing her dishes/ washing/ changing the bed etc. as well as my own plus taking care of whatever grandchild I happen to be minding on any given day.

Your mother is very lucky to have you.

What other exercise is she doing?
She's 60, she has plenty of active years ahead and should be moving around.

My aunts is in her early 90s and last year painted the outside of her bungalow. It is vital to keep moving as you get older to preserve muscle. Sitting around is the most dangerous activity.

Jeez!! I'm 65 and have a dodgy hip but I still do all my own cleaning, climb ladders and paint my apartment myself. I could go on to list all the DIY jobs I do, which include using a drill and a saw but you get the point.....

Age is not the reason people get cleaners. They may hate cleaning, they might have health issues which makes it harder, they might even prefer to chat to someone who will help take care of their house.....but not because someone else says they're too old.

I can't tell whether your mother's suggestion cleaners are for "posh" people is because she's gently trying to tell you to back off or not. Of course, cleaners aren't only for "posh" people but you know that.

I'd have to be incapacitated quite badly before I stopped doing my own cleaning. I'm pretty good at it and I genuinely enjoy it, plus it keeps me active. If my daughter suggested I shouldn't be doing it at "my age" she'd get short shrift!

I thought you were going to say she was 87 and practically unable to move from her chair.

Staying active, including lifting things, weight-bearing exercise and flexibility (all of which cleaning is likely to help with) is super important for every age but especially when we're getting older.

I do pay for a cleaner and I don't think they're only for posh people, but I also don't think it's a problem for your mum not to want a cleaner. If you're worried she still won't agree when she's becoming genuinely frail then why not deal with that issue, rather than her not wanting one right now?

My cleaner (who I have not because I'm posh but because I work a 50-60 hour week) is in her 60s and cleans houses 9-5, five days a week. My parents are in their 80s (dad nearly 90) and they do their own cleaning and gardening. Dad only recently started hiring someone to do decorating jobs.

You do realise retirement age is 67 I'll still be doing nursing at 67 cleaning my own house etc my ds will still be a teenager when I'm 60. Unless there is some kind of medical
Condition 60 is not old

She's only in her 60s!!!!! It's great to keep doing everything yourself as long as possible. It will help her keep fit and active and mentally alert. If she was in her 80s and struggling maybe, but otherwise I can't see an issue at all.

Just to add my dad who's 84 climbs up ladders and paints the window , window ledges , cleans the whole house on a Monday since my mum died , cuts his grass that's bigger than a football pitch . He'd be seriously offend if I suggested help

You sound ridiculous. “The autumn of her life” 😳😳🤣 she’s 60, not 90!

Being active, being independent, that’s what we all need to be doing more of.

I’m around your mum’s age and would love to have a concerned DC who is aware of the ageing process and ready to help. You’re a bit early with the cleaner suggestion in your mum’s case because she is able to do it and it keeps her fit. Carry on caring and noticing how she is coping, but don’t suggest anything else until you’re sure she’s ready.

Getting someone in to do the mundane jobs doesn’t mean you sit down and never get up again!
it just means you have more time for the enjoyable physical activities that you don’t get to do if you’re too busy with housework. 🙄

I am late 60s work full time and have an active social life. I do my own cleaning ( not very well as I don’t have time and I don’t enjoy it ) . When I retire I will certainly consider a cleaner if I can afford it .

True enough but if this woman is happy doing her own cleaning then that's up to her. She may not particularly want more leisure time - maybe she's happy doing what she's always done.

OP made it sound like her mum is 102 and too frail to climb up on a stool or mop the floor!

You are so wrong unless your mum has health problems. Cleaning and gardening are excellent exercises for keeping her fit. She is very young and I would be cross if any of my kids has suggested this when I was her age. That was more than a decade ago.Her saying they are for posh people is probably just her trying to save her feelings. Also, please allow her some dignity and self respect by allowing her to make her own decisions.

You sound like you are coming from a place of love, but please trust me on this.

Even if there are health problems, as long as she is able it's better to keep doing what she can.

Agree. Good lord, I'm 61 and do everything including an elaborate garden.

It's nice that you want to help her but early 60s isn't old.

Yes; the more we move around, the better.

She's only in her early 60s! Most people will work until at least 66 or 67 and do their own cleaning. It'll keep her fit and healthy.

Well I agree that having a cleaner is nothing to do with being “posh”! I have one and I’m definitely not posh, I just work long hours and despise cleaning. Our cleaner is an absolute diamond, very thorough and totally trustworthy, always doing extra bits (she recently reorganised my drawers 🤣🤣) She is in her mid 60s and would tell me off if I suggested she was in the “autumn” of her life! So, if your mum wants or needs a cleaner she should get one without worrying about what other people think. If she doesn’t want one because she’s still wants to do it herself, that is her choice too.

I'd be encouraging her to do less cleaning and have more fun!

Oh god, so does mine. Also refuses a cleaner or gardener. He's been persuaded to stop using the mini chainsaw whilst up the ladder, at least.

He's 90. They must have bred them tough back then.

People in their 60s still need to work full time, many of them doing manual work - it's hardly the autumn of their life. The best cleaners I've had have been this kind of age!

My cleaner is in her 60s, she's cut down the number of clients she has but appreciated staying active. Why is your mum up ladders every day?