Do you shout at your partner?

[Namechangedjustfortoday]

My DH shouts at me. Not often. But from time to time.

He says shouting is normal. Particularly if having a disagreement, to express emotion. And it’s fine in front of the kids.

I totally disagree. I find shouting aggressive, counter productive and totally immature. He says I come from a repressed background.

Same with name calling. DH insists that calling me “pathetic”, for example, isn’t name calling.

I dont know. What is normal???

I'm afraid we do but it's not nice and I'd rather we didn't.
I'd say it was common but shouldn't ever be normalised. You both should know it's not acceptable.

9 years and no shouting is not a common occurrence. Maybe 4 or 5 times in the whole relationship. We have both told each other to just fuck off at one point each but have agreed we don’t want a relationship where swearing, name calling and insults or raised voices are acceptable. We may have cross words occasionally - 2 or 3 times a year with raised voices - but not shouting.

this is a relationship non negotiable for me. I need to be able to communicate openly with my partner and not fear verbal retaliation or abuse if we disagree on matters.

id rather be single then put up with it and he knows it.

Not in a healthy respectful relationship. My DH and I argue from time to time but don't ever shout or call each other names. We'll have slightly raised voices but not very loud.

I once told DH to F off in middle of the night when I had been up for a long time with a crying baby and he came in and tried to give me instructions on what I was doing wrong. I know I shouldn't have but I was very tired.

My parents never shouted either. My mother has sworn at my father more than once. It's been 50 years and they bicker a lot.

I'd say "pathetic" is similar to name-calling in that it's unconstructive. What does it mean except just to put across something negative?

We bicker rather than shout. We don't name call but our nicknames for each other are Farty, Old Fart, Arsehole, Arty Farty etc. These are used daily.

We do - while it’s mainly me - and I feel much better afterwards. I don’t think he listens to me though.

No. We’re quiet people, which helps. We also both work in extremely stressful jobs in which it would never ever be acceptable to shout (resuscitating children with parents present is a normal part of our job). We can control ourselves.

Never. I would expect DP to leave me if I did, and I would him. Shouting IS aggressive, and I love him so why would I want to be aggressive? We are capable of constructive communication. I have never shouted at anyone, including my children.

We don't shout at each other although we do bicker. DH has quite a loud voice and doesn't realise what he sounds like sometimes and I'm like Oi, bring your voice back down!

I was quite shouty with DS on occasions but it hasn't done him any harm.

We don't shout at each other or call names. This is mainly down to DH rather than me - my previous relationship was much more volatile and my ex-boyfriend and I would shout at each other, but DH really hates it and so I adapted.

Your conflict styles are probably based on what happened at home when you were growing up. Did DH have shouty parents?

I think the two of you would really benefit from a marriage course or couples counselling to discuss communication and conflict resolution. A good counsellor will help you talk through this and find a way forward together.

We sometimes snap at each other. It’s rare though, and it’s not shouting. Name calling - never. I wouldn’t like that and wouldn’t be with someone who did.

No. Never shouted at each other or name called and been married 21 years.

My parents never shout at each other either.

I couldn't be in a relationship where shouting and name calling was normal.

No, we don’t shout or call each other any unpleasant names, we sometimes bicker, actually we will sometimes call each other unpleasant things, but only when they’re both in a good mood and being a bit stupid.

14 years together and we don't shout, I lived in a household where a lot of shouting went on between my mum and dad, I hated it. I could not wait to move out. So it's not something I stand for.

No, never. We occasionally disagree, and DH can get grumpy, but we never shout and name call.

I would never be with someone who does that. I'm team OP. The husband is a nasty aggressive bully IMO.

Married 43 years.

No. I can’t stand shouting, ExH used to shout and swear quite a bit when we were still together - he doesn’t anymore, I think we brought out the worst in each other. I told current DP quite early on that I couldn’t be doing with shouting but I don’t think he’d shout anyway. We do banter a lot but there’s never any nastiness.

Proper shouting? Rarely. I think last time was 2021. We do argue now and then and snip at each other, mostly because we're both stubborn twats.

Once a year or so Dh and I probably have an argument where we shout. I'm not proud about that.

On MN no one ever shouts at their partner.

I hate shouting.
Grew up in a really awful home and my Dad shouted.
Sadly I have married a shouter. I hate it. I go straight back to being a traumatised child.
i don’t shout or speak in anger.

No I abhor shouting I don't even like it when someone shouts up the stairs like when dinner is ready. Thankfully DH thinks so too.

Loads of people in RL aren't shouty.

DH and I are both quiet types who abhor that kind of behaviour. I couldn't be with a shouty person. DD is the same.

ExDP shouted at me. I told my GP one day, explaining what he was shouting about, and she told me it was domestic abuse and "not even borderline".

No we don't. I'm not going to pretend we have a perfect communicative marriage, but I learned very early on when I was replicating my own parents' marriage that shouting does not work, not with my DH anyway. And he's not a shouter. We don't swear at each other either.

Never had any shouting or name calling calling in a 25 year relationship. It is not normal and not good for either you or the kids.

Never in anger/an argument
Only if we are on different rooms and want something