Not coping with providing childcare

[fatiguesbroken]

Been providing childcare after school for my sister. Two nephews, ages 7 and 9.

I'm not coping. They won't listen to a word I say, have spilled multiple drinks tonight, including my coffee all over my cream sofa. Left all of their tea then came back ten minutes later to tell me they were starving. Made them toast which they've left.

Just realised one of the drinks has gone all over my work laptop so the trackpad is no longer working. They did that while I'd gone into the kitchen to have moment - the youngest was bouncing on my sofa and fell onto the desk. My fault for leaving the coffee I know but I never expected him to jump on the sofa!

I have another two hours of them and I genuinely feel on the verge of a panic attack. No safe space for them to play outside and I don't drive so can't even take them to soft play or whatever. I'm unfortunately the only one who can provide after school care - no after school clubs and no availability in local childcare!

Put a stop to it. Let today be the very last day you have them. Just tell them straight you won't be continuing.

It's not your problem to solve that there's no childcare. That's for the parents to sort out!

If needed they will have to use some sick leave/annual leave/parental leave while they figure it out.

This isn’t your problem.

Also are you working and looking after them? They sound like they need constant supervision.

Tell your sister that you won't be having them next week

As for the 2 hours, put a film on and tell them categorically that they are to sit quietly and not to move off the sofa until it's finished. If you have any water bottles, you could give drinks in them, otherwise all drinks are at the kitchen table.

I can't. She can't take any time off work or change her hours (it's a new job) and their dad decided he didn't want to be a dad and fucked off. Our parents aren't well enough to look after them either. Sister needs the money from working because their dad left her in a load of debt.

Not working and trying to look after them, just had my laptop on the desk where it lives.

They're on my Xbox currently. Drinks are in "spill proof" cups but they've still managed to spill them!

Then you need to be very clear with DSis that they get one more chance to behave or you won't be taking them again.

Did you shout at them for being careless? I would have. Children should know to be careful when they are guests somewhere.

If you’re sure you want to keep doing it then you need rules from right now onwards: no food or drink out of the kitchen. Small battle to begin with while you (calmly) remind them of the rule a thousand times but after that your life is much easier.

You need to talk to you sister and say you’re not happy to continue childcare unless they behave. They’re of enough to behave properly.

You talk to your sister and tell her you won’t be providing care if they don’t behave. And mean it. If you continue as it is it sounds like they will trash your house and your mental health. Dont let that happen.

Tell you dsis that if they won’t behave you won’t have them.
And mean it.

Can you have them at her house?

Do you have children of your own? Tell your sister if they don't start behaving you won't look after then any more. It's a big ask of you. She may need to consider some alternatives.

You need to be honest with your sister and she needs to set expectations with them on how to behave and be firm about them. Make your own rules too. No eating or drinking outside the kitchen, no jumping on furniture etc... As for food. Maybe your sister can provide their meals or send them with food that they'll eat rather than wasting your efforts. Given your sister's vulnerable position, I hope she fully supports and backs you in all this. If she doesn't, then I think you need to be firm and tell her to make alternative arrangements.

If you are still looking after them then you need to be really strict with them from now and shout if they don't listen, make sure you tell your sister about this too.

Can you have them at her house instead so they are messing up their own home?

You keep saying that there is no other option but there is - you just don't do it any more. You don't have to do this if they won't behave and are wrecking your home.

To calm yourself lie down and put your legs up against a wall, it activates a calming response in your body and will help stop a panic attack. Breathe deeply. x

Feed back their behaviour to your sister and explain very clearly that unless their behaviour improves you will no longer be able to have them.

Another voting to have them at her house then they can play with their own stuff. Also I agree that they need rules, boundaries and respect are important and they are too old to be doing what you said they're doing. Discuss all with your sister, I'm sure she'll agree.

You have power here. I’d have told them up and made them clean up the spill

Stop giving them drinks. If they want a drink they have it in the kitchen. End of. You need to put some rules on place to stop you going mad!.

They are not your children.
You could say you'll help for a few weeks until she can sort an alternative, but longterm this really isn't your problem.
You didn't birth them. She did. Therefore, her responsibility.

I am tomorrow!

Came on to suggest have them at her house.. When she has to deal with spillages and damage she may start parenting them more effectively...

Will work just give you a new laptop? People have broken and lost laptops all the time at my workplaces and they just replace them. It's part of choosing to issue them to workers.

It would be nice if you could continue if your sister really has no other option. How long have you been caring for them? Either have them at her house or childproof your house a bit and set boundaries. (You have to with kids or they'll destroy your home!) A 7 and 9yo should be more responsible but maybe they're excited about the different space?

Tell your sister she needs to tell them they need to behave for you and follow your rules. Things like:
No cups. Drink bottles (with water only) stay in the kitchen and dining room. Sit down to eat. If you choose not to eat your dinner, there's nothing else (except a glass of milk). No jumping on couch. If do you break something, you tell an adult. No throwing toys is also a useful one because lots of kids take out TV screens.

You need to set some clear boundaries and make sure they respect you. bouncing on furniture is a big no go, let alone from a 7 year old.

Have some activities ready every day. Take them outside, they don’t need softplay, let them run around in the park or on their bikes.

tea if they don’t eat it, don’t make anything else. If they are hungry they will eat it.

Tell your Ds clearly that the arrangement will stop unless their behaviour improves.