Is it so rare to be one and done by choice?

[DYIDIY]

We have one DC and we might be one and done. Most people we speak to don’t seem to get it and keep making jokes and questioning why we wouldn’t give our DC a sibling. Well here is my list of reasons but despite it all people don’t get it:

1. I don’t feel the desire to have another DC. Had a difficult birth and a difficult first year with a high need baby and no family support other than DH, it was hard.
2. We are just getting close to the end of the nursery years and about to buy our first home, I cannot even start thinking about the idea of going through 4 more years of full time childcare costing us so much (London) whilst also paying for DC1 wrap around and high mortgage payments. We’d be struggling for years to come.
3. Love our balance as a family and we are a lovely trio, don’t have the desire to ruin or change that.
4. Linked to point 2 I guess, we can afford nice days out and clubs for DC. Life is good and with another DC we won’t be able to offer him the same amount of time, energy and money we have now.
5. We are almost 40 and don’t want to be an old parent
6. Just bought a 2 bed home that we can barely afford (London) and would struggle with space

What were your reasons and do people around you challenge this decision??

I am glad to hear some of you never get comments in real life, there is hope out there!
I get these fairly frequently: a very insistent colleague asking me if I am pregnant with n2 every couple of months, another colleague insisting only children are sad and it’s mean of parents to not give siblings, a stranger in a cafe asking me when we will have n2 as DC needs company, a (childless!!!) woman I have met via other friends, a neighbour and the list goes on…

I think in your shoes next time colleague asks, I'd not even bother looking up and in a flat voice just say 'your question became tiresome/tedious some time ago' and let that hang in the air.
And they one who says they're sat, if be tempted to say 'your opinion has been noted, other opinions exist' and just completely ignore or shut it down if they ever mention it again.

It was never something I considered. Always knew I wld have at least 2. However now that I have 2 I can see the benefits more now of having 1. More time to yourself, more of your time one on one with the child. Easier to get babysitter and saves a fortune!

I actually work with lots of women that only have 1. I have never asked why they stopped at 1 some have said why there wouldn't be another and others it's more obvious why. Some became a single parent, another few had them early 40's so another was never on the cards. They all worked full time too or some only part time a couple of yrs so managed to progress careers.

I had two at once , twins. We don't have anymore.

My daughter is 3. I struggled massively through pregnancy (mentally rather than physically) and didn't enjoy the first 18 months at all. I just cant bear the idea of doing it again. She is the absolute light of my life, a complete joy and I feel terribly guilty that she doesn't have a sibling - to the point where we've discussed having another just for that reason but when it comes down to it we are all happy and healthy now, I'm in a good place mentally and I just don't want to risk it all for something that I don't personally want IYSWIM.

We get comments all the time. It irritates the hell out of me because nobody seems satisfied with 'I don't want to' as a reason!

All of her pre school pals have recently become or are about to become big sisters/brothers. I'm dreading the day she asks questions about why she doesn't...

But honestly, we are happy as we are. She has a cousin down the road born within months of her (they are OAD too) so we spend loads of time with them, she has plenty of friends and most importantly, a happy healthy mum!

This is exactly our situation too. Would have to work full time for a second DC. More work, less time at home, double the mental load / worry. Not sure if that’s the most ideal choice for us, much as I’d love a huge family if money were no object

So it wasn't really by choice?

In what way? We don’t want another and won’t be making any attempts to have another by choice. Is there some point to your question?

we are one and done by choice, even before one arrived. DS has been what people would say is an 'easy' baby and I've found it really hard. He's one next week and I still find it hard when all of a sudden something changes; he wants to eat less, he gets ill, separation anxiety peaks again, he doesn't nap as well, he's teething again, he's in a developmental leap - the list goes on. I can't imagine doing it all again with another child already to look after. I look forward to the life we can give him as an only child as he gets older and the time/money we can invest in him. I'm also an only child myself and haven't hated it so there's no sibling guilt.