Inheritance - wwyd?

[JustQuickone]

I’ve been a fellow mums net user for years but first post so here goes! More of a what would you do?

I’ll start off with a little bit of background. I am an only child (married with DS4). My mother is also an only child. My grandmother has recently passed away leaving her full estate 4 bed house to my mum as we always knew was the plan. My mum has always made comments about how she does not need to sell my grandmother’s house and that she would gift it to me. My mum is set for retirement with plenty savings in the bank and no mortgage on her property. I am in no way expecting her to gift me my grandmother’s property and I made her an offer to buy.

My grandmother’s property is within walking distance to my mums house which my mum always said would be ideal for me as she could help with my child who has disabilities. Now the tricky bit comes in. After all the years of comments on how much she would love me to live in grandmother’s property she has now made me an offer to buy it at x3 the price of my current mortgage. I have explained to her that I appreciate the offer but it’s completely out of my budget and I wouldn’t be able to afford the monthly bills due to only be able to work part time as I care for my disabled DS4.

My mum seems to be very annoyed that I’m not jumping for joy at the offer that she made me and it seems to be falling on deaf ears when I explain that I wouldn’t be able to afford it. She has said numerous times she doesn’t want to put the house on the market as she would rather it stayed in my family and belonged to us and she doesn’t need the money. I don’t want to cause any upset as she has just lost her mum and I’ve lost my grandmother. It would be absolutely life changing for us to have my grandmother’s house as the size would be amazing for my child with ADHD to run around more freely.

So my question is, do I just explain to my mum again that it’s out of my budget and that she’ll have to put it on the market. She keeps asking when we want to move in but yet keeps sticking with the price I said I couldn’t afford. Thanks for reading,

Agree. Below market value is an amazing offer. You keep saying “we” do you have a partner that contributes to the mortgage.
if you are a single mum, you don’t need 4 bedrooms. But if you are so desperate for the big house, could you consider a lodger to help cover the mortgage?

Will your son go to school next year and you can work more hours?

My mum is a bit like this now, she knows that she bought her 4 bedroom detached house that's now worth a million when she was earning £20k a year so why can't I afford somewhere for half the price now I'm earning over £30k...? It's very frustrating.

That’s a good idea

What is your mortgage term OP, can you extend that to make payments cheaper or do you mean the bank wont lend you any more than x amount and if so what is that amount

Do you have a partner?

If you do really want the house, I would speak to a financial advisor and see if you could make it work. It is a fantastic opportunity for you and your family.

If you cant see a way of making it work, then just tell your mum it's a hard "no" you cant afford it and she will have to put it on the market.

So you expect to buy a £245k house for £110k? You’re nuts! Your mum is being more than generous!

I can shut this down in a second I hope! The problem may lie in the language used. She’s interpreting ‘can’t afford’ as ‘don’t want to spend my money on that I’d rather spend it on other things’. You need to change the wording. Say ‘I don’t have enough money’ That’s unequivocal. You can follow with ‘I only have X money and nothing more’ if you want to take a punt that she she’ll go for the lower figure. If you have a partner tho I think she’ll expect them to step up somehow as they’ll be benefiting too.

Just keep repeating, "I can't afford it, I can't afford it, I can't afford it" until she gets the message.

What else can you do?

She might very much want to sell you the house for £160k but if you can't afford that much then you can't afford it and that's that. There is really nothing else to discuss.

It would make much more sense for her to just transfer your grandmother's house directly to you and do a deed of variation so that it never becomes part of her own estate. It sounds like she doesn't need the money and assuming her assets don't all get swallowed up in care costs later down the line her estate will most likely be above the inheritance tax threshold. Giving you the house now would be a sensible way of keeping the value of her eventual estate down, especially given that she doesn't need the money. But if she doesn't want to do that, she doesn't want to. My grandparents could have paid for all eight of their grandchildren's higher education and we could all have graduated completely debt free, for less than what their estate eventually paid in inheritance tax. But they didn't choose to do that, so the state got that money instead.

It's your mother's choice what to do with the house. But she cannot force you to buy a house from her at a higher price than you can afford. So the options available to her are (a) keep the house and let it sit empty; (b) keep the house and live in it herself; or (c) sell the house to someone who can afford it. Option (d) sell the house to you for £160k because she wants to keep it in the family and wants to sell it for that much, is not a real option because you can't afford £160k.

I would get legal advice primarily. But a suggestion. You buy half the house. You and your mum go on the title deeds and she puts her half in trust to you. When she passes the house would automatically be yours if she states in will. There's legal documentation to be able to do this.

Hi op,

I would tell her, « yes, I would love to but this is my max per month. »
Then repeat, repeat. Leave it at repeating each time she mentions it and be prepared that you won’t have it.

Anything done, have a sollicitor explaining to her everything.

Good luck 🌺

That sounds ideal

Bonkers, dear lady. This is your mum who has inheritance and if she wants to pass it to you, comes free. Not with a mortgage.

First thing, do YOU want to move there? I must say it's a huge turnaround from a gift to 3x your mortgage. She has a choice, to sell for market value to anyone or make comprises for you. If it hadn't been offered as a gift the situation would be different. Lots of heart to hearts needed. Xx

Did she take anything even remotely resembling legal or inheritance tax planning advice when she inherited your grandmother's estate?

Meet her half way! She was going to gift it to you anyway, offer half the price of what it’s worth, if she refuses, she may well tell why she can’t gift it to you- she’s not starting with dementia is she?

You might need to show her the figures in black and white.

Is your mum expecting you to get a bank mortgage? Maybe instead you could buy it directly from her and so pay it off over a much longer period of time with lower monthly payments. Get a proper contract drawn up with a solicitor.

This is an inheritance to the benefit of your DM.

Don't get further embroiled in this, it will mess with your head if you give it headspace, trying to please your DM. Not.your.problem.

you were presumably happy before this house became a thing. You can't afford it, it's out of your price range, so don't make this a topic of further discussion. Move on.

Are you really sure your mum is as well off as you claim? Maybe she got into some debt or loaned money and lost it etc. Otherwise it makes no sense to take money from you when she is comfortable and it would really help you! My parents would have told me to take my grandparents home and rent out or sell my own home so that I would be financially comfortable. Afterall you have no siblings so chances are she is giving it all to you. Seems bizarre to make you pay for it!

I would stop getting into discussions about it, if you can't afford that price then you can't afford it. No point in debating it forever more. After l made clear she moved the goalposts, lm guessing she will magically not remember ever having said you could have the house (my Mum likes to re-write history as well!)

Can you move into grandmother’s house and rent yours out? That way you keep your house and your Mum keeps her Mum’s house. You’ll inherit it yourself one day.

i know a few people who are a bit like this in the fact that just because something is a good deal they automatically think I can afford it without consideration to my other expenses. I have found these people to be quite visual, so I have previously had to show them a breakdown of my finances to get them to understand and back off. I don’t know how open you are with family regarding finances though so unsure how comfortable you’d be doing that.