Inheritance - wwyd?

[JustQuickone]

I’ve been a fellow mums net user for years but first post so here goes! More of a what would you do?

I’ll start off with a little bit of background. I am an only child (married with DS4). My mother is also an only child. My grandmother has recently passed away leaving her full estate 4 bed house to my mum as we always knew was the plan. My mum has always made comments about how she does not need to sell my grandmother’s house and that she would gift it to me. My mum is set for retirement with plenty savings in the bank and no mortgage on her property. I am in no way expecting her to gift me my grandmother’s property and I made her an offer to buy.

My grandmother’s property is within walking distance to my mums house which my mum always said would be ideal for me as she could help with my child who has disabilities. Now the tricky bit comes in. After all the years of comments on how much she would love me to live in grandmother’s property she has now made me an offer to buy it at x3 the price of my current mortgage. I have explained to her that I appreciate the offer but it’s completely out of my budget and I wouldn’t be able to afford the monthly bills due to only be able to work part time as I care for my disabled DS4.

My mum seems to be very annoyed that I’m not jumping for joy at the offer that she made me and it seems to be falling on deaf ears when I explain that I wouldn’t be able to afford it. She has said numerous times she doesn’t want to put the house on the market as she would rather it stayed in my family and belonged to us and she doesn’t need the money. I don’t want to cause any upset as she has just lost her mum and I’ve lost my grandmother. It would be absolutely life changing for us to have my grandmother’s house as the size would be amazing for my child with ADHD to run around more freely.

So my question is, do I just explain to my mum again that it’s out of my budget and that she’ll have to put it on the market. She keeps asking when we want to move in but yet keeps sticking with the price I said I couldn’t afford. Thanks for reading,

As some other posters have said OP, we really need to know the money involved here. Has the properly been accurately valued yet?

Spot on, many people get confused with deprivation of assets, and what it is - your explanation is very clear.

A bigger issue here will be IHT, ideally mum would gift it to the OP, assuming mum lives 7 years it will be IHT exempt or available for taper relief if not.

It makes no financial / taxation sense for mum to hang on to it or convert to cash unless she has need of / plan for that cash or it will be either taken in eventual care fees or maybe IHT/CGT depending on the numbers

Exactly.

DM wants two things, and she can only have one of them. She can see OP living in the house, or she can sell it for the amount she wants. There's no way round any of this. Frankness is needed, for as long and as often as necessary. People do sometimes struggle to accept things when they're going through grief.

A deed of variation (within 2 years) would certainly resolve all the issues of deprivation / IHT down the road and be the most logical and tax effective model.

Can she gift you half and you buy the balance?

It would. But of course it means DM not realising any of the capital value at all.

Just say NO! And stay in your home!

Just keep repeating you can’t afford the monthly payments, she can’t force you to buy it, the bank won’t lend you the money if you aren’t earning enough.
If money comes first for her she will have to accept selling it to a stranger, if keeping it in the family is more important she should lower the price.

My grandmother did similar to my dad. She was just a narcissist. She had plenty of money and loved dangling the carrot in front of her children, and using money and ‘gifts’ to pit them against each other.

I can see you're disappointed with her change of heart but I also sense that you feel you are entitled to the house either as a gift or below market rent which I'm afraid you are not. I would forget the whole thing - either you misunderstood her or she has obviously changed her mind for whatever reason.

Errm…no. Her last mention is the house’s size would be good for her DS with ADHD to run around…

OP, put the conversation on hold until both of you are ready to get to an agreement. You have been clear, she has her expectations…it is bad she was saying she would gift it to you and now she wants to sell above your budget. Still, it remains her property and both of you are grieving. If possible, give it some time.

Why is it the e times the price of your current mortgage? Is she suggesting a private sale where you pay an amount she's decided? Or is it worth so much that that's what the mortgage lender would charge?

It us not onky the initial cost but the running cost and maintenance. Presumably you and your dc do not need a 4 bed . Ask her to sell it so you can purchase something smaller locally. Or she could rent it out and give you an income.

Could you go to her with what you could afford, show her something with your workings out on as to why that is all you can afford? Or could you offer to rent it? You will get the money back in the long run as you are going to inherit her estate anyway.

She may just have crossed wires

Have you told your Mum how much you can afford to buy it from her for.

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. There’s not really much more conversation to had than that, surely? Your mother is behaving strangely, first saying she’ll essentially give you the house to now saying she’ll sell it to you at an unaffordable rate (albeit you don’t say, I don’t think, whether this is at or below market value). Ultimately you’re not entitled to this house and it’s up to your mum what she does with it.It’s disappointing to have a carrot dangled then taken away, but that’s life I suppose. If your grandmother had intended for you to have the house now, she’d have left it to you, and sadly for you, she hasn’t.
I’m sorry for your loss, and for the upset this is causing in the aftermath.

She could do a deed of variation and pass the house to you as if it had been left to you by your Grandma. It’s good estate planning as the IHT has already been covered rather than forming part of your mum’s future estate.

I think I would express clearly to dmum that the conversation seems to be at an end re the house and you moving in.
Suggest she seeks some independent advice on estate planning and investments.
Then say nothing.

I don't understand how your mum, knowing your situation, even thinks you'd be able to contemplate buying this property from her?

Is it that she doesn't understand the mortgage situation now - could you even borrow enough on a part-time wage to plug the gap between your own equity and the asking price? Maybe she doesn't understand that side of it?

How long ago did your grand mother die? I’m wondering if things are too raw still to be able to talk about all that iyswim.
Id also gently enquire at what is her reasoning regarding the price. There are many other avenues she could explore (like you staying in the house ‘renting’, you get the use of the house but she keeps the ownership, you buy part of the house from her -whatever you can afford or simply renting the house herself etc…). So it seems strange she is just stuck into the idea you’ll just buy the house off her.

Otherwise, I’d stop engaging.
She made you an offer. It’s not one you can accept. There is nothing else to say.
If she says she’ll have to seek the house, just say OK.
If she talks about you moving in, just repeat ‘I can’t’.
And see what she finally does.

If mum wants to keep Gm house in the family she could move in herself, sell her house and then leave it in her will so it constantly gets passed down. She could gift you some of her own money from her savings and house sale if she wants to help you financially.

Just keep reiterating that you can't afford it at that price and that she will have to sell it if she doesn't want to keep it?
Do you have a number in mind that you can afford? Though I'm not sure I would bring that up unless she asks.
You don't actually say if the price she is offering is below market rate? It may be unaffordable to you but does she believe she's being reasonable because she's offering it well below market rate to you?

As other people have menitoned, there may be some complexities in terms of transferring it at less than market value and also taxes to pay because of a will.

Also, is there a possibility she is concerned that in the event of a divorce if the house is transferred to you your husband may get half the value ?

If she has been divorced herself in the past she may be particularly sensitive to this, but it may not be a topic that is easy for her to talk about.

Other than straight out saying you can't afford it, I think this is the only other thing you could do.
If you paid your DM the equivalent of your monthly mortgage payments, even extending the term somewhat, would it get anywhere close to what she is offering to sell it to you for?

Can you rent it from her? Put your own house up for rent so the mortgage is covered.