Inheritance - wwyd?

[JustQuickone]

I’ve been a fellow mums net user for years but first post so here goes! More of a what would you do?

I’ll start off with a little bit of background. I am an only child (married with DS4). My mother is also an only child. My grandmother has recently passed away leaving her full estate 4 bed house to my mum as we always knew was the plan. My mum has always made comments about how she does not need to sell my grandmother’s house and that she would gift it to me. My mum is set for retirement with plenty savings in the bank and no mortgage on her property. I am in no way expecting her to gift me my grandmother’s property and I made her an offer to buy.

My grandmother’s property is within walking distance to my mums house which my mum always said would be ideal for me as she could help with my child who has disabilities. Now the tricky bit comes in. After all the years of comments on how much she would love me to live in grandmother’s property she has now made me an offer to buy it at x3 the price of my current mortgage. I have explained to her that I appreciate the offer but it’s completely out of my budget and I wouldn’t be able to afford the monthly bills due to only be able to work part time as I care for my disabled DS4.

My mum seems to be very annoyed that I’m not jumping for joy at the offer that she made me and it seems to be falling on deaf ears when I explain that I wouldn’t be able to afford it. She has said numerous times she doesn’t want to put the house on the market as she would rather it stayed in my family and belonged to us and she doesn’t need the money. I don’t want to cause any upset as she has just lost her mum and I’ve lost my grandmother. It would be absolutely life changing for us to have my grandmother’s house as the size would be amazing for my child with ADHD to run around more freely.

So my question is, do I just explain to my mum again that it’s out of my budget and that she’ll have to put it on the market. She keeps asking when we want to move in but yet keeps sticking with the price I said I couldn’t afford. Thanks for reading,

@JustQuickone if she really wanted to leave you the house and your grandmother passed in the last two years she could have done a deed of variation on your grandmothers will and left the house to you as part of your grandmothers will......

Answering a few asked questions. The house is valued at 245,000. My mum has said she would sell to me for 160,000 which is of course an amazing offer as it’s below market value. My current home is worth 110,000 and I owe 89,000 on my mortgage. I offered to buy at the current price my house is worth as although her 160 is a great offer it’s unaffordable for me.

I never “misunderstood” my mum all those years when she said she would gift me the property and it was never of the impression that I would get first dibs of making an offer. She has always said if she sold at market value the money would sit in the bank and I would receive this one day anyway according to her.

I do not want to “rent” the house from my mum as we saved very hard for our home and feel very accomplished at having our own mortgage in our own names. She does not need to sell for care home costs as she has a high value property of her own with also savings in the bank. My mum is mid 50’s no health conditions. My grandmother’s home needs at least £30,000 renovation work to be done to it due to years of disrepair.

Thanks for the additional info' OP. Yes, your mum's offer of the much reduced sale price for you is great, but it doesn't alter the fact it's still too much for you to take on and she needs to grasp this. If she genuinely doesn't need the money and doesn't put it up for sale, maybe she might revert to plan A (to gift it to you) if the property sits empty for months, possibly years - never a good thing for a property as it will inevitably reduce its value unless it's diligently maintained.
BTW, I completely understand you not wanting to give up paying a mortgage to pay rent instead - even to your own mother - I wouldn't want to do this either. Home ownership is still a goal many have and stepping off the property ladder when it may have taken you some time to get on it, would feel like a retrograde step.

Has she given any indication of why she has changed her mind?

You sound very sensible. Bear in mind a subsidised purchase price might have financial implications in itself longer term (CGT, IHT, deprivation of assets etc) . Does your dm have the money for renovations or would that also fall to you?

I may bring a bit thick here, but you can afford it?
You sell your house and port your mortgage (or get a new mortgage for the same amount as your current one) then you can buy the house for £160k.
I get that your mum has changed her mind about gifting it, but you can afford it.

If you don't think the house is worth £160k with the repairs needed then that's different, but I still think you can afford it if you want the house?
I would be wary because your mum may want to Lord it over you though once you are in the house and your independence is threatened, but that's even more the case if you get gifted the house

No I can’t afford £160,000. My current mortgage is £89,000 and house is worth £110,00 that only leaves 21k equity. My grandmothers house needs over £30,000 done in repairs which would fall onto my shoulders also

This is what I was thinking; if OP's mum wants to keep her DM's house in their family, she needs to either rent it out or move into it herself. The fact that it needs significant work doing to it is another solid reason why it is unaffordable to OP, it's surprising that OP's DM is unable to accept this.

People do sometimes get like this after a bereavement. There can be a really strong emotional attachment when it comes to the deceased's property. So it doesn't surprise me that much, but you're right about the practicalities.

My mum doesn’t want to move into my grandmother’s property as she has always said she doesn’t need a house of that size but that it would be suitable for me with a young family. My mum has spent the last 10 years renovating her own home which she owns and doesn’t want the hassle of moving.

Fair enough. Useful info, thanks

@JustQuickone sorry, completely misunderstood.
Then your DM is completely unrealistic, just talk to her, go over the figures.
If she has had a re-think about gifting you the house that's mean and unthoughtful, but sometimes people do over-promise and then change their minds.
It would be a shame to fall out about this, maybe a compromise can be reached.

I find it weird how you don't want to rent from your mum but are happy to take a house for free ? Where is the logic there ?

I mean the whole thing sounds like a fantastic opportunity to me, to get something at almost £100K cheaper than the market value, so your mum is giving you effectively £100K.

If your family may need to move up to a bigger house at some stage it is a great opportunity, also what does it offer in prospects like schools ?

I would be trying my best to find a way of making it work, even if it did mean living in a wreck for a couple of years you might well reap the benefits in years to come.

Have you spoken to your bank to double check what mortgage you could get, as you do have over 10% for deposit. It might be interesting to see what the bank say, for example if they confirm you can have a mortgage of £120k (or whatever) you have that in writing to show your mother. Putting aside any resentment you feel about her reneging on her promise, it may still be a great deal for you and worth negotiating with your DM.

Your Mum has made you quite a generous offer but if you can't afford it you can't. What about if you extended the years on your Mortgage. Seems a shame to pass up this offer.

Ask a mortgage lender online for mortgage simulation (what you could afford, I mean) and show it to her.
Could you maybe buy it at the price you would sell your house for (ie keep same monthly mortgage payments) and repay her a little bit on top every month?

Question OP.

By selling it to you at 160k when its valued at 245k would essentially be gifting you 85k?

Do you think you mum would be open to selling the house and then using some of the money to pay off your remaining mortgage or at least greatly reducing it. This would be extremely helpful to you to be able to save for the future and you won't be taking on any extra debt?

Or even lend you the money so you pay her (at a much lower interest rate) then the bank?

The reason I don’t want to rent from my mum is because we saved very hard to get onto the property ladder to buy our own home. We feel very accomplished at having our own mortgage in our own names that we worked hard for and to “rent” would effectively be a step backwards as we wouldn’t own any assets.

I don’t feel like you have read my post correctly as you have said “you’re happy to take the house for free”. This is not correct I have offered to pay for the house.

Could you buy a share of the house from your mum? Own it as tenants in common.

If your mum wants to keep the house in the family, she needs to realise that is not going to be possible if you are unable to keep up mortgage payments on it or afford the repairs needed. In which case it would be better for her to just sell it rather than pass that burden on to you.

Tell your mum that the house is unaffordable so she should either sell it or let it out on the open market.

Remove yourself from the situation and don't expect anything from her because there'll be conditions attached. Start planning how you can afford to upgrade to a larger house independently. Can you move to a higher paid job, increase your income in some way etc. Whatever you do, don't rely on your mum to help you out.

I find it weird how you don't want to rent from your mum but are happy to take a house for free

I don't think it's weird at all, if the mother had promised numerous times that she will give her the house. I would not offered to pay for it.
Relationships are different, but I would just ask my mum why she has changed her mind, considering she doesn't need the money.

This. Make an offer you would be comfortable with, and explain your reasoning.

You’ve both lost someone dear to you, don’t make any rash decisions or fall out about it while emotions are involved. This is a practical decision based on what you can afford.

Realistically, the house will have constituted most of her DM’s estate. Perhaps she’s now feeling that it should really come to her, not you.

I think you explain again in full quietly & calmly
say
"Mum the rationale is ... i cant work any more hours and the max mortgage i can afford on longest term is x pm which is a 90k mortgage on. If i sell I'll have 20k equity and the house needs 30k if work so the most i can afford is 110k.
You are looking for 165k which i know is a substantial discount but im not sure i could afford to stretch to that and even if i could stretch to it, i wouldn't want to as it would make day to day life very hard.

If you want to sell it to me for £110k i can buy it but if you need £165k or more you need to sell it on the open market.
If you did this you could do this and given you would get a higher price you could either keep the full amount or gift me whatever you get over the 165 and i could use that to reduce my existing mortgage or move somewhere more suitable.
If she just wants to keep the house as an asset she needs to get it ready for market and rent it out"

I can see how you think shes moving goalposts but i think theres poor or missed communication at play so I'd spell it out and try and understand why 165k (is she now worried about her own retirement)