Sorry for the long post - I've name changed as some details could be identified.
DP and I are about to move in together and I am having doubts.
We've been together for over 3 years. So far, we've each had our own apartments - he owned a flat in a very upscale area of a large city, and I rent a flat further to the north, reasonably close to the green belt. He's now sold his flat and I am still renting until we find a place together.
Being close to a rural area is a priority for me. I moved to the city 7 years ago from another country to set up my self-employed business, never intending to settle permanently because I am really not a city person. But back then I was in my mid-20s and looking to try a new area/country, and it worked really well and I've stayed ever since.
When we first talked about buying a place and moving in together, it became clear that he was completely unwilling to move more than about a mile away because his mother lives there, and she's getting older. (She has no significant health issues and is very active, so it's not about helping her out per se.) When I suggested moving a bit further away, he refused, with no option for compromise. He wants to be able to pop in to see his mum spontaneously once or twice a week instead of having to schedule a dinner or something. He's significantly older than me and his mum has been his main support person for decades. They have a close bond, and I respect that. I love how much he cares about his family.
However, I was very concerned because I can't see myself living in his area. There's nothing wrong with it and lots of people would love to live there, but it's just not my cup of tea. I'd be happy to move there for a short time, 3-5 years or so. But buying a place and staying for 10+ years didn't feel right at all.
Over time, I let him convince me because everything else about the relationship is fantastic. He's a caring, lovely, kind, funny partner and I want nothing more than to move in with him. Now that the move is getting closer, I am getting more and more concerned about my lack of excitement. Whenever I think about moving to this area permanently, I feel upset instead of excited. I hate this for myself and for him because this should be such a great time in our lives and relationship. Instead it's just stressful.
Do you have any advice on how to move forward? Anything that could help me reframe this in my mind? Have you been on either side of something like this, and how did you resolve it?
I really want this to work out, but I feel like I'm in a lose-lose-lose situation: If I move, I risk becoming resentful and unhappy living somewhere I don't want to be. If I manage to convince him to move somewhere else, I am ripping him away from his mum, and the only other option seems to split up.