How to raise a boy ...

[Confused19831983]

I am a first time mum to a wonderful (in my eyes anyway, ha, ha) boy who is 16 months old.
Like most mums (I imagine), I would love for him to grow up to become happy, resilient, kind and hard working.
Mums of older boys, have you any advice?
What worked for you? What didn't?
What is the most important thing?
Baby is lucky enough to have an amazing hands on dad who will be a positive role model in his life.

In the same way you’d raise a girl, don’t focus on his sex he’s a child.

OK, well take the sec out of it then.
How to raise a child to be kind, resilient etc.
Any advice?

I recommend the book 'Raising Boys' by Stephen Biddulph.

Thank you, will take a look.

I think you're right to question it, it's all well and good PP saying take sex out of it but let's be honest we all know what men are capable of, just look at the hundreds if not thousands of threads on here about appalling behaviour your towards women.

I'm not saying for a second OP that all men are like this and of course all children have the possibly to grow up and make bad choices, but males have a much worse reputation and I think it's sensible to question what you can do to avoid the shitty behaviours we see day in day out. I can't offer any sound advice as I have a 3 year old little girl. But you sound like a fab mum already.

Just be yourself! My boys are older teens now. I always taught them good manners and politeness, both myself and exH work hard so good work ethic. Both really good at looking after their friends and walking friends home from the pub if/when needed! Both played in the local sports teams growing up. It is all just common sense. Enjoy your lovely boy!

Boys are awesome... and no different to girls. I have two of each :)
I found my DS1 needed more emotional support than his sisters as a teen, as he was less resiliant emotionally. He was also more physically affectionate than the other three. Teach him to be an equal player, to be independent, to cook and clean and do his fair share...if his Dad does then he will. There are no 'boys toys 'and 'girl toys'.. toys are toys.
And encourage him to be who HE is.. if he's interested in football, or ballet or art or making giant monsters out of toilet rolls... just encourage him but also allow him to fail too... don't fix everything in life for him.

And enjoy :)

Thanks for this post, I appreciate it. I think this is what I worry about and am so eager to avoid. Hopefully, having positive male role models in his life will help.

That's great to hear, thank you. DP and I work hard, so hopefully that will rub off on him. Perhaps I should stop over thinking it!

All great advice, thank you😊

The late Celia Lashlie wrote a fabulous book. Try AbeBooks for her stuff. She died too soon. Steve Biddulph is very highly regarded for his books. Maggie Dent also.

• Love them
• tell you love them
• spend time with them
• have fun with them doing things they want to do
• let them see you working and talk to them about your job
• most very young kids go through a stage of wanting to be 'helpful' (they're not helpful at all, whatever they vacuum, you'll have to redo and only let them wash up plastic cups and plates until they're old enough not to smash real ones) - let them. I think this is especially important for boys, so they learn using the washing machine, washing up etc., is just a job that everyone does, not just mums
• read to them every night
• take them to art galleries and museums and talk to them about what you like and ask them what they like and what they think about things
• remind yourself that children are actually brighter and more capable than many people think they are, so have proper conversations with them and give them appropriate levels of independence
• your sole job is to keep him safe while raising him to be a confident, independent adult who doesn't need you, so teach him the skills he needs to be that adult

I have a 15 year old boy and while he can be a bit of an arse at home every one he meets and all his friends parents who have spent any time with him say hes a delight.
I think its down to a few things really
Luck (no SN or outside influences that we have no control over)
Communication (both ways)
Strong boundaries - Hes MUCH bigger than me but I can still make him behave with "the look"
Lots of love and laughter
Good role models - his Dads a goodun
Never thinking "boys will be boys" - hold him to high standards
Good school so surrounded by mostly decent well behaved kids

This is great, thank you - especially the advice to wrestle with him and to teach him to stand up for people he might not like or be friends with, neither of which I had considered. Thank you again 😊

Thank you for this. It's scary how much he understands already, at 16 months, even though he can't talk (he's got great pointing skills, ha ha). I think it's easy to underestimate their intelligence, especially when they are very young.
I will try and bear this in mind as he gets older and teach him as many life skills as possible while keeping him safe. Thank you again.

@CassowaryRules I am glad I read your post before it was deleted.
Why was it deleted? Reference to wrestling?
Thank you anyway.

Thank you for this. He has a good role model in his dad and the three of us laugh a lot together. I worry a little bit about holding him to high standards and having boundaries as at the moment whenever I tell him "no" he just thinks it's hilarious. Hopefully this will change as he gets older!

Once my boys were older teens, I explained to them how it feels to be a woman walking home alone at night. I told them to always cross the street and never overtake as I always hated men coming up behind me in the dark. Men won’t think of this themselves. Yours is a bit young though OP☺️

If we think about how boys are taught traditionally to have low empathy for women, and then think about ways to shift that - mothers can be so instrumental in this process. The mothers of sons who I know really encourage that closeness and empathy in them. Boys who understand their mothers and sisters or female friends just do better in all areas of their lives.

Ha, ha, yes, might be a bit young for that now, but definitely one to teach him when he's older.

Thank you for this. I completely agree, though hadn't given it much thought before. I very much hope there is a closeness between us as he gets older.

Teach him to be respectful of women - when he’s older and is exposed to misogynistic vitriol online and amongst his peers, have conversations about why it’s wrong. Show him statistics on DV and SA. That Andrew Tate stuff (and whoever comes along in the future with the same narrative) gets into the heads of young boys, and during secondary school is often when attitudes get created and set for young adulthood.

I disagree with that.

I have two boys, now young adults.
The influence of the outside world means you need to counterbalance a lot of stuff at home, putting a hell of a lot more emphasis on things than you would if they were a girl.

And when I did that, they were totally incredulous and didn’t believe me.

Its only now that dc1 is in 3rd year at Uni, that he saw fir himself women around him having to protect themselves (eg not running in their own in the evening) that he finally got it.