I am trying to stay positive-but life just feels bleak. Anyone else?

[TheBunnyLover]

I live modestly, 2 bed house in the north-but my salary is gone by the first week with how much everything has increased in price lately.

I earn £32k P/A for four days. I am far over qualified for my role but I have been applying for jobs constantly and not got anything. Salaries also seem so low-one job I looked at would get me £2K more per annum but it involves a commute-I currently work from home, the travel costs plus having to hire someone to walk my dog means it just wouldn't be worth it.

I share 3 BTLs with a business partner but profits are minimal, we made a loss last year due to a tenant ruining a house and us having to repair it.

I have been out of my profession for a while (I retrained doing something else) so that's probably why nobody is interested-scholarship will have moved on now. Fingers crossed someone gives me a chance in a higher-paid role.

I split with a long distance partner some time ago-when I got this house I'd only just began seeing her and our plan was always for her to move in-but she'd just strang me along, had no intention of actually doing it. She also lost interest in me once she started doing a hobby two years ago, so didn't want sex with me any longer and didn't want to spend time with me as she was more interested in that (suspected ASD). I wrote a thread about our situation at the time.

I live alone, and everything is so expensive. I had a lodger for a while but she lost her job and stopped paying her lodgings so had to go. I didn't like living with someone else who wasn't a partner anyway, but it did help financially.

I try to keep going. I run, walk my dog, go to a gym that costs £20 per month.

I have an MA and a lot of experience and I have things going for me but things just seem so difficult and I don't see how I'll get out of this slump. A higher-paid, more interesting role would help so I guess I can't do anything other than keep trying. I am also doing a course to get another qualification which may help. I just feel that any more knock backs or if anything else goes wrong, and I'll struggle to keep smiling.

Are you sure this is really a money problem as it sounds more like a kind of midlife evaluation perhaps? how are you finding your work, therapy? Could you be having a bit of burnout?

I love therapy but my academic subject (that I used to teach) is sociology. I'd like to get back into that. I currently work for a company, assessing counselling cases. It's okay, but rather boring. Yes definitely more than just a money issue.

I have heard of people having a portfolio career where they can combine a bit of different things.

Maybe your situation with the BTLs, low mortgage and possibility of a longer could be used to an advantage, and give you some flexibility moving forward work-wise?

Maybe also a new partner could be good? You could make small changes just to test the water perhaps, best of luck with it all!

@TheBunnyLover Your business partner is a relative or good friend?

The obvious solution seems to be to sell the unprofitable BTLs so you can realise your equity and pay off your mortgage. If your business partner doesn't want to sell then he'll need to buy you out. He can't unilaterally decide that you'll never sell if you are partners and it's a joint investment.

What is the point of the BTL's just now if they don't make you any money? Is this an investment for your future type of thing? What's the long term plan there?

On paper you have a nice life - low mortgage, lots of properties for security (presumably), low stress job, pets and hobbies.

It doesn't really seem a financial issue at hand, more that you are more unhappy with your life in general. Could you write a list of what you actually want in life and see what's missing?

Thank you-I'd love to do that .I miss teaching.

I am so scarred from my last relationship if I am honest. It was so difficult and painful, I am not sure I could even think about dating again-dating in one's forties is probably a minefield for everyone but I stand by that for a middle aged lesbian there's a whole other level of fuckery, too! I used to long for a long-term, live in partner, marriage but she took up four years of my time and left me high and dry really.

Yes they're an investment. And yes, life's not bringing me much joy at the moment, you're right. I will try to figure out what it is I want-I know I'd love a fulfilling career in my field but I am not getting anywhere with applying for jobs. I should have stuck to it from when I graduated but I ended up doing lots of other things so maybe they don't find me relevant now.

@GetAGrip4FucksSake a friend.

Realistically you own 4 properties and you earn a decent salary. You’re not dying, you’re not homeless, you haven’t had your entire neighbourhood bombed.

The source of your unhappiness is probably that you believe that you should have more than you currently have when you are better off than 98% of people.

Break ups suck, doing a job you don’t love can be crappy but it’s not the end of the world.

You could be depressed which makes things seem worse that they are so def get help for that, but equally having gratitude and not allowing too much time for rumination can help.

Have a heart to heart with your business partner friend then?

You have 3 btl’s. I’m 43 and still rent.

@TheBunnyLover totally relate to this feeling as I feel like I’ve not achieved the kind of life I wanted AT ALL:

Thank you. I guess I feel a bit like I've failed at life now. I did have a fulfilling job but was made redundant in 2022. I feel that how hard I worked to qualify should mean I should have more and not struggle but the reality is a lot of people are in the same boat.

But you are in your 40’s so realistically have allot of time left??

With interest rates likely to fall a bit in. November, is remortgaging a possibility?

Sell the BTLs. Sounds like partner is trapping you, take them to court and free yourself

@TheBunnyLover you need to make a list of all the things you enjoy doing, what you want from the next 5 years, and go after it. So you've had redundancy in the last two years, relationship breakdown and you're early 40s, no wonder you are a bit down, those are huge life events.

Think you're fixating on money and not the real issues of building happiness and working towards the long term goals you want.

Personally think this age is a transitional age - I'm mid 40 and you've spent a lot of time working, either you get bored or career hasn't gone to plan, but really we're relatively young in career terms - half way. It's a reinvestment and resetting point naturally.

i am not suggesting you are stupid op

but you are a single woman with no dependents and you have 4 BTLs. You are worried about money but have no idea about your equity in these 4 properties.

Perhaps once you find out how much equity you have in these 4 properties, you may not feel quite to bleak about your financial position!

how can you earn 32k and pay less than 400 for a mortgage and have no money left? Why are your food and bills so high, makes no sense?

And the amount of property you own which is way more than many dream of - again makes no sense why you are so poor. If you are making no money then sell them. And cut down your monthly bills.

The emoticon which I think represents confusion and the saying it is 'baffling'. I have a spreadsheet with all information on, but I don't have it in front of me at all times.

I can't access the equity in the properties, I guess it is more that my job doesn't pay enough for day-to-day living.

I will keep on keeping on about a job.
Yes, it is disappointing to end up single again and the relationship with my ex was just so upsetting, she did some awful, awful things and it was so much effort for little return. Redundancy was also very disappointing and 2023 was a very hard year being a self employed tutor.

I am going to have to go through everything. I don't go on holiday or have any expensive hobbies or habits. I will do this.
But I was in my overdraft within about ten days of payday this month. It's just disheartening.

This is uplifting. I hope I can get back into academia and teach students again or something similar. Wages are low but at least it will be fulfilling!

Thank you. I guess all major areas of life are disappointing currently. Relationship of four years, gone and was never 'real' anyway so I am discovering. Not enough money coming in. I have an interest in so many things and am not unintelligent, and I work hard but my job is boring and just feels like drudgery. Never had children, perhaps I would have had I met the right person but I never have. Dog is fab I guess! Trying to see positives.

This is how I have always tried to think! Then I can't help but look at people who are similar to me and earn twice as much. Or people such as my manager, ten years younger than me and in a happy relationship with a higher salary (albeit not doing something I'd want to do). Or my lecturer friends-some of which are lower qualified than I am. Or people on here with 6 figure salaries and huge houses. My Mum always told me to look up, not down-don't look at those with less but with more, but then that depresses me as I feel I have just had bad luck or not known what the right thing to do was.

You have four mortgaged houses? And earn £32k? This seems monumentally bad financial planning reminiscent of the crash in 2008. I would sell up. I know you say you can’t but of course you can. Your business partner will have to buy you out.

Could try a student as a lodger either Uni, or we get language school etc. So change regularly and not forever. Even air bnb?