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Original poster

My Boyfriend of 2 years won’t spend Christmas with me

67 replies

TealFinch8686 · 02/10/2024 12:11

My boyfriend of 2 years lives with me in a uni house and we haven’t spent Christmas together yet. His Christmas with his family is 20+ people but mine is just me and 4 others (due to recent family losses). My parents have invited him 3 times to come this year and he just won’t budge, not even to come on Boxing Day. Is it okay that I’m upset? He says I can’t get mad. I would love some advice thank you

OP posts:

Notreat · 02/10/2024 19:47

My daughter has Christmas with us and her boyfriend with his family until they got married even though they lived together.
It was their choice. In the scheme of things it's not really important if you are happy about everything else in your relationship don't make it it into something more important than it is

LePetitMaman · 02/10/2024 19:51

@TealFinch8686

Are you actually going to bother replying to anyone?

Hollietree · 02/10/2024 19:57

Sorry I’m with your boyfriend in this one. You are presumably young - if you are both at uni in a house share. You have only been together two years, plus see each other a lot if you both live in the same house.

It’s important that you both spend time with your own families, have some time away from each other sometimes.

If this turns into a long-term committed relationship then you have a lifetime of future christmases to spend together. Don’t put too much pressure on him so early, you might push him away and overwhelm him. He has said once that he wants to be with his family, you should not keep asking and pestering!

Can you do NYE together instead?

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Events & celebrations

MarmaladeJars · 02/10/2024 20:09

You’ve only been going out for 2 years and by the sounds of it must still be in your 20s! It seems more normal to spend Christmas with your own family.

I don’t understand why your parents didn’t respect his decision the first time he said no. Have you spoken to them about boundaries?

toffeedonut · 02/10/2024 22:12

My husband and I didn't start spending Christmas with each other until we were married. I was 33

seven201 · 02/10/2024 23:11

Me and dh didn't spend Xmas together until we had a baby. I think we did about 8 years of separate christmases, some we were married for. I love Xmas with my family, he loves it with his. You see him most of the time, enjoy having some time apart.

Romeiswheretheheartis · 02/10/2024 23:26

When I was at uni I spent one Christmas with my boyfriend's family as it was his birthday on Boxing Day and we lived in different parts of the country so I couldn't just pop over for the day. I really regretted it - it felt so different to my family's Christmas, I didn't know his family well, and I knew my parents hadn't wanted me to go.

I'd advise not trying to make your boyfriend change his mind, as chances are he'll miss his own family and resent you for it.

Normallynumb · 02/10/2024 23:28

Completely normal to go home to respective families at Christmas at your ages and stage of life
My DS's have had their own Christmas meal with uni girlfriends the week before
Thinking back, so did I until I got married.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/10/2024 23:31

Two years is only two Christmases. Unless you are mature students, you are probably the sort of age where many young adult children still spend Christmas with their families. So I don't think anything odd is going on. If you continue living together perhaps the year will come when you both decide to spend it together.

YouMustBeMrsWhippy · 02/10/2024 23:42

TealFinch8686 · 02/10/2024 12:11

Just because some of your family members have died doesn't mean you shouldn't have a fun Christmas!!! You can get mad but you could get even. Sounds like he has a lot of relatives, are any of them handsome? (And age appropriate.)

Biggirlnow · 02/10/2024 23:57

I didn't spend Christmas with my uni boyfriend. My friends and I all went to our own families. Bf and I spent NY together though.

I did want to spend Christmas together the year we were engaged but he still refused. I was upset. In our case it was symbolic of his over-attachment to his mother, who I absolutely loathed and we broke up later due to her interference.

So basically I wouldn't worry unless it becomes a pattern in the future of him putting family first even if you're engaged or something.

JFDIYOLO · 03/10/2024 00:08

You're both really young still, barely out of your teens. Though you don't think so yet.

He doesn't get to tell you how you should feel, that was clumsy and dismissive.

You don't get to tell him where he should spend Christmas.

He's already promised his mum he'll be there, and being basically pestered by your parents to drop out and miss seeing people he may hardly ever see is rude.

Copperoliverbear · 03/10/2024 00:16

I don't see it as a problem

justasking111 · 03/10/2024 00:24

Our DS five year relationship with girlfriend, from first week at university. They go their separate ways at Christmas. They both have families and friends to catch up with. DS did go to a wedding the day after boxing day her family but came straight back.

Spirallingdownwards · 03/10/2024 00:30

You are at uni. Of course he wants to spend time with his family and not yours over the holiday period. It is a time where he wants to relax, be looked after by his mum, get his washing done and dried, rest up after a heavy term and potentially study before exams or new modules in the new year.

You are uni gf and bf not a married couple. Plenty of time to do the every other yesr thing when you are in a long term relationship post uni. I am not saying you won't last as you may well but the fastest way to put him off is to pull this type of needy stunt.

Lal8303 · 04/01/2025 00:17

Two years is plenty long, I would say to this....how can we work this out so we can spend the holidays together because that's important to me. Since you have a small family can they do Christmas the day after Christmas. If it's about flights or travel also be aware that family may be paying for his flight home. My concern would be if you were not invited to his Christmas. If you are this is just a matter of finding a way to compromise and it sounds like he has the bigger family and it would be hard for them to rearrange all those people's schedules :)

Lal8303 · 04/01/2025 00:19

That's so patronizing and womanizing to say she should change her need to be around the man she loves at Christmas. She's in the perfect state of mind...don't let anyone tell you different! You do have to compromise about how you will both spend the holidays and it sounds like he has a much bigger family, best to plan something with your smaller family after Christmas as it's fewer people to get scheduled.

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