Christmas when all the children are grown up.

[PuppiesLove]

The usual Christmas was waking up to lots of presents under the tree. I don't think this is appropriate any longer, now they are all adults. It's just not necessary to be buying that many gifts anymore. So - what does Christmas look like when all the children are adults? How do you change things? Ideas for new traditions?

We do secret santa, there are apps where you can have a wishlist up to the budget which makes it easier. We also do christmas bingo where a few small gifts are won, usually practical things like tea towels etc, but can be good fun. Food, relaxation and board games are the order of the day. I ontend doing christmas dinner on christmas eve, so a lunch can be delivered to elderly parents on xmas day morning, then home to leftovers for us.

I have a 34 year old and a 29 year old, they will both be with us this Christmas, plus the eldest's girlfriend. We ask them for ideas for presents, they don't give us a list. I buy them one main present and a couple (literally two) smaller presents. The day can still be lovely with less presents!

Book yourself a fab holiday and let "the kids" do their own thing - perfect for everyone!

i do stockings for my DC, 28,24 and 20
if I stay at my mums on Christmas Eve I would get a stocking!
my elder two have good incomes but are still gathering life’s essentials- I usually get nice things for their flats, or things for hobbies.
i don’t see the need to make it adult to adult but each to their own.

We still do presents in sack in the morning.

Last year DS1 cooked Christmas dinner though which was a bonus!

The main difference for us is the logistics. We have 5 adult DCs (no GC yet). Sometimes they all come to us. Sometimes they want to spend Christmas on their own, or with their partner’s parents so we probably only manage 1 Christmas Day in 3 together now. But the years they don’t come, we will have another ‘Christmas Day’ before New Year.

They all (including partners) get a main present and a stocking, but nothing like the big pile of gifts they used to get.

I still make Christmas lunch, afterwards we watch TV and play games. Getting them out of bed to do presents is the biggest difference. Gone are the days when they’d be in our room at 4am. Now I’m banging on their bedroom doors at 1pm!

For us, Christmas changed when my oldest daughter met her husband and spent Christmas with him. By the following Christmas she was married and we were in the middle of the pandemic lockdown. We sent presents to the family we wouldn't see and opened them on Zoom calls.

DH and I had one year on our own which we planned for and enjoyed and we have had different sorts of Secret Santa. One year we had a £ 20 limit and a named person to buy for. No idea what's happening this year but as we will see all the family over the week between Christmas and New Year I want to buy presents.

Something we started when they became adults was having each one preparing a stocking for one of the others with a £ 10 limit. Then we moved on to a White Elephant game. We realised that as a group we missed the silly tat that we would joke and laugh about for the whole period so we set a limit of a few pounds, everyone bought one gift - a novelty, something funny, something completely daft - and we swapped them around the table. Last year we had a price limit of £ 1 and it was hilarious - everyone decided they wanted the china donkey and tried to bargain and fight for it.

Our DC now 19, so changes have been with us for a while. My only sibling was much older, married and got grown up step children before we had DC.

There were Christmas celebrations at his house or my parents house and we did New Year. The stepsons are late forties, so 20 years ago both were partnered but didn’t yet have kids. I fondly remember Christmas with my DBs family and my parents being young enough to enjoy it.

There was great joy that DH and I finally became parents and both stepsons too. When DC was younger we tended to spend Christmas with GP who lived locally and as they got older they came to us. Generally, we nearly always started the day at home with presents from us and then did presents with GPs after lunch whichever house we were at. Stopped doing stocking fillers when DC 15 and moved on to all presents after lunch. DC would make mocktails as my mother didn’t drink.

The first big change was DB passing away just before COVID. We are all still very close to SIL and her family. Although not geographically to nephews. Unquestionably, we make the effort and his loss bonded us even more.

Dear parents passed away in their 90s and last Christmas was our first without them both. We broke with tradition and had an evening Christmas dinner preceded by a long local walk that took us near but not to their house. This year we plan similar, but based around SIL.

DH, DC and myself do exchange presents but we have a family thing where over 18s don’t get gifts from SILs and BILs etc. other than a house gift of wine, chocs etc. DCs gifts have often been virtual - BFI membership, streaming and so on.

How n earth can you buy gifts for adults that they like? Everyone buys what they need through the year and I wouldn’t choose clothing for DCs as they have their own tastes.
i spose I could hand out vouchers - hardly xmassy.

I dont understand why presents under the tree aren't "appropriate" because they are adults?

I love to have presents under the tree. Always make sure that there are some.

ds(20)'s is at uni / still dependent on us so we still get him a fair amount at Christmas.

He still gets a stocking with wrapped gifts that contain things that are useful depending on what I think he needs - socks, charging cables, bottle of his favourite vodka 😁, shaving stuff he uses, trainer cleaners, protein drinks etc.

I might tell him to buy himself some clothes that I will pay for.

Then we always get a game of some sort to play Christmas night.

Otherwise he just gets hard cash transferred to his account.

Christmas has been a bit different the last couple of years as he works PT in hospitality so he has been working Christmas day which means a very late Christmas dinner (he is fed up seeing Christmas dinners by the time he gets home but he indulges us!).

Yep.
Presents are still very much ‘present’ in our house.
Whether it’s a gift fir parents (my parents and PIL), gifts for us the parents and gifts for adult dcs.
I wouldnt have it any other way.

We still did/do family Christmases, we all buy gifts for each other so there are plenty under the tree for everyone on Christmas Day (I have several siblings and a parent). We didn’t have many good Christmases as children so like to have lovely ones now as adults. We are all over 30!

Since our DDs left for university we've taken them away for a mini break early December, so we get to enjoy some quality family time, just the four of us. It's time for walks, good food and watching films. Otherwise, we all become like ships in the night in the Christmas chaos.

Christmas Eve is still the traditional watching of Polar Express drinking fancy hot chocolate. Our biggest change though, is that we now go out for Christmas lunch which is so lovely. Our Christmas morning is now very relaxed, just opening presents and drinking coffee. Then we all get a bit dressed up and head out for lunch. No stress, no hassle, no mess.

You can't see a musical on Christmas day and for me it's the day that's important

My children are grown and I did continue with the presents and stockings well into their twenties.
Now they have partners and children. If we are together we just enjoy the time. We play board games, have nice food, and sometimes a walk in the countryside. We do also exchange presents but they have become less important.

This year will be different for us. Just the three of us. Me DH and DS (29). We live overseas and DS lives in a shared house. So he comes to us for a month, WFH and AL.
Things the first year in age sit will be just us three.
He always has a stocking. I fill it with useful stuff - shaving stuff, socks, pants, voucher for coffee shop, cinema etc. plus individually wrapped packets of space raiders, his favourite. His stocking is huge with a bell on it (bought by his GP when he was tiny) 🤦‍♀️

I ask for a list and add stuff I think of. Maybe a posher brand jumper than he could afford. Something for his kitchen, Le Crueset, Glabal knives etc. No budget.

He buys a gift for each of us separately, usually from a list of suggestions from me. It avoids tat and unwanted stuff.

We always have a new board game.

Lovely food, great telly, lots of love and fun. Each to their own. Whatever works.

Christmas lists for a 30 year old to give to their mum? Just no.

Lol
im over 50yo and my mum still asks me for a list.
Simply because she wants to give me something that I’ll really enjoy.

Yes this is what I was getting at this morning I suppose. I think my mum tried to keep the old Christmas traditions going as long as possible once we were adults and I imagine I'll feel the same when ours are older.

The habits changed a bit as time went on. At one point we were giving mum a list of stocking fillers as she was worried she wouldn't pick what we liked. The rule was we could ask for thousands worth, and she would spend her (unstated) budget and no more. It meant we got stuff we wanted (plus the obligatory selection box, smellies and novelty puzzle) but there was still an element of surprise.

I wouldn't have minded her stopping that at 30 obviously, but at 20 I was a broke student living at home and I think I would have been quite hurt.

Obviously no one should be going broke or stressing themselves to the brink over Christmas, but I don't know why adults shouldn't get gifts.

Yes MIL asks for a list from us every year.

Yes, me too!
They love sticking with our family traditions.
A number of presents each under the tree doesn't have to equate to £££

Just remembering the year we all had to go for a walk after dinner and Father Ted on Christmas Eve so Santa could come - and then my sister and her now-DH set up the air bed in the same room Santa had come to, with promises not to even look in the direction of the tree.

There's nothing wrong with presents under the tree for adults. I never said that. I just don't think it's appropriate for them to get the same kind of pile they did when they were 5, 10, 15 years old.

I'm liking the idea of games. They all like that a lot. Lots of good ideas but different tastes among them as to what they like to do. If I get some new games, then the games a kind of a present too, and it supports the bit that Christmas is really about - spending time together.

So we're probably going to end up with presents, relax, lunch, games (and maybe a walk).

Do you feel they are stuck in a child/teenager mindset? Living at home and still doing a list. Is that’s what is prompting you thinking of a change, to kind of illustrate to them that they are adults?

My 75 yo mother is still buying socks from Santa for every male in her life. But tree gifts got smaller and fewer once we went to university, and have almost vanished as adults. Mostly it was practical as us DC all lived abroad and bringing presents home and back was a pain.
Christmas at home was always about food, preparing and eating, so in some respects that never changed, us DC started bringing in new food traditions ( bacon sandwich for breakfast for DH and spiced nuts for SiL) which was a nice thing I hope to replicate.
MiL however is a hard core volume of gifts person. Massive amounts of stuff no one wants. She's on a limited income now and just buys volume of cheap stuff, which is painfully wasteful.