Christmas when all the children are grown up.

[PuppiesLove]

The usual Christmas was waking up to lots of presents under the tree. I don't think this is appropriate any longer, now they are all adults. It's just not necessary to be buying that many gifts anymore. So - what does Christmas look like when all the children are adults? How do you change things? Ideas for new traditions?

As adults before our own children we still had stockings, they included fancy toiletries and hotel chocolat instead. But they were small stockings as they always had been anyway. Presents were and still are under the tree at my mum’s. I don’t just buy myself whatever as I have other things to pay for. So getting bought
something nice is still a treat. We eat together on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, walk on Boxing Day. The usual really!

I got a larger pile of presents when I was still living at home, my mum loved to add practical things for me as I was saving to move out. After I moved out (24) I got one or a joint one with now-DH (looking at my 30 year old wok).

We do still get one present from my PIL, my mum is now in a care home and therefore we only give to her and get one present for DD in her name.

We had a lovely meal, some present opening, watch TV and weather permitting went for a walk.

We still do stockings for our DS's (23 and 21), just with half a dozen bits in them, and for the last two years they have done stockings for us too! We have never spent a huge amount on gifts - £100 each is pretty standard, so we still do that. We all go to choose our Christmas tree this weekend, then it will be tagged and cut down for DS's to collect for us second weekend in December. All decorated the house together, Panto week before Christmas, midnight mass, lots of wine when we want it!

My DSC are all young adults now, they still have a few presents under the tree which we tend to open late morning after a walk. We probably spend similar amount to when they were teens but then we've never spent huge amounts in first place. I have always asked them for a Christmas list for ideas.

Me and my siblings + our partners are all aged between 26 and 42. If anything Christmas has got bigger! Rather than stop doing stockings my mum now does one for all us “kids” plus our partners plus the grandchildren (even though they get one from Santa anyway) and with all that she felt like she had to start doing one for my dad and grandad when he is with us too 😂 we do now make my mum a stocking as well after the first year she went crazy like this.

I also get a decent “main present” from my parents as well - this year DH and I have out in our order for a new cordless vacuum cleaner!

Basically what I’m saying is there is no rule that says Christmas has to get smaller when your kids are adults. My mum just bloody loves Christmas and having, in her words, all her babies, under one roof for one of the days over the xmas period and doing all this brings her a lot of joy.

Make Christmas the celebration it should first and foremost be not the consumer-fest it has become.
Time together, food, fun, warmth, charity.

It's not difficult

We have champagne (or Buck's Fizz or oj) and croissants etc for breakfast then open gifts in the living room. More drinks, late lunchtime 2.30 ish for Christmas dinner then dd plies us with cocktails and forces us to play games

Plenty of posters are missing your point.
Christmas lists for a 30 year old to give to their mum? Just no. Fun gifts, food, maybe secret Santa all fine. But giving your parents a shopping list of gifts when you have your own income is not how an actual grown up acts.

My in laws always give us a chunk of cash but that's more for estate planning than anything else. If my parents asked me at that at (early 40s now) I said I didn't want anything for the reasons you mentioned. I always get them a hamper.

That sounds so lovely for some reason!

As mine are getting older and moving on, I am trying to cut down on gifts and make it more about the food and wine.

I still do stockings though - in fact have done them already!

We moved on to Secret Santa for when the extended family gets together, with a box of small useful gifts for each adult child. In the past the box has included things like a big block of good Parmesan (shrink wrapped!!!), lip balm, nice socks, flower seeds, tiny tool kit (they have small homes so no shed for tools), power bank, a paperback book, favourite hot sauce, etc etc. Always goes down well. For the most part I try to make the gifts "consumables," as they don't have to find storage at home.
We play loads of old favourite card games, board games, or word games. It's a lot of fun, especially as these days we share the cooking!

Your family christmasses sound very different to mine as I don’t know what estate planning is. Families are all different - if some are happy for a 30 year old to give them a list so they can spoil them that’s up to them.

When I was in my 20s my family switched to stockings for everyone, but everyone buys a few thing to go in everyone elses. It took the load off my mum - both financially and logistically - and meant she also got a stocking!

We still do this (I'm 50 now), and it's a lot of fun! Lots of sneaking around on Christmas Eve trying to stuff things in stocking without anyone seeing, and makes a lovely Christmas morning. I have a wonderful memory of my grandmother in her 80s having a fantastic time opening her first stocking since she was a child.

We do small token presents under the tree for later - usually after lunch.

It all depends on the individual family.

We got electrial goods sometimes, equally we gave my PIL a handmixer, a table lamp, a pull along shopping trolley, a wireless keyboard among other things.
We also exchanged books, gave my FIL a hat, my MIL her favourite perfume.

Yes, we all can buy these things ourselves but that's not the point for us.

Funny secret santas/funny gifts aren't funny in my opinion as it often means people either overspend to give something decent or everyone ends up with tat.

I agree with you.

I am at a loss each year with what to buy for my adult children, they’re in their 30s, all with great incomes and anything they need they buy themselves of course. The brain power involved to conjur up a lovely present makes me tired just thinking about it 😂

My children are great at buying presents so feel the need to reciprocate, I think it’s quite hard to change the family dynamic with regards to traditions at Christmas, it is for me anyhow.

We all have, however, moved more towards consumable gifts/tickets for events type of gifts.

If I didn't have an elderly parent I would jet off to somewhere sunny for Christmas. That's what I'd do!
We have 2 adult kids and one late teens. Every other year we host with grandkids. Not this year.
But I can't leave dmum to have Xmas on her own.....
........

Definitely time to ditch the lists. I usually ask the AC if there's anything they like. They get that and maybe a practical gift, dressing gown or whatever seems appropriate. Although there's often nothing particular they would like.

In our family everyone gets a stocking - there’s a £20 price limit, my brother & SIL do them for their kids, my sister & I take turns to do one for our Dad, & the three of us, SIL & BIL each get allocated someone to do one for. I do one for DSis’s dog & she does one for my cat 😸.

They go under the tree along with the presents for each other.

We've done secret Santa for years, for this that are there in the day. Budget started off at £50 but it's gradually increased to £100. Everyone is happy with that and gets a decent present.

We play the present / dice game in Christmas Eve. Everyone loves that.

My mum treated us like little kids at Christmas until we moved out in our 20's🤣

My mum still buys me an advent calendar I even though I have my own children now😂

I'm an adult child and don't see anything wrong with a list - yes I have my own income, but I also have a mortgage, nursery fees and the cost of living is wild. I don't necessarily 'buy myself whatever I want' all year round. I put together a list of things that aren't wildly expensive but that I maybe cant justify for myself, and share that with anyone that asks. Usually means my mum gets me a lovely jumper or pjs, or maybe some higher-end makeup than what I usually grab in boots. One gift, of less than £50 value usually.

Stockings are where I struggle. I want to do stockings for my kids, and me and DH do them for each other. But if we spend Christmas with my parents or in-laws, they also seem to do stockings. And then we end up with really far too much tat. I would prefer they just don't do stockings for us anymore but not sure how to word that.

Otherwise, Christmas is really about the food in my family, and always has been tbh, even when we were kids. We were strictly a 'presents after lunch' family, but lunch was only being served around 3pm. As we got older we all went for a nap after lunch as well, and in recent years it's been 7/8pm before anyone's got round to presents. I don't do that with my own kids, I'm not fussed about waiting til after lunch, but I do want them to also get excited about the incredible food and enjoy that experience as much as unwrapping stuff.

Christmas Eve, everyone who can comes round to help decorate the tree and there are bacon sandwiches and bucks fizz to sustain them. Those that are staying will help toast Christmas in with champagne at midnight.
Christmas Day here follows much the same lines as when they were all growing up - but with less presents and only a stocking from FC. Everyone (adult or child) who is here on Christmas morning has a stocking to open, followed by Church, lunch, walk, presents under the tree.
If any grandchildren are staying then FC leaves their present with their stocking.
(Boxing Day is a chill out day😀)

Mine are at home. They're the reason I can't downsize and be mortgage free. I do buy them things through the year. I'm taking them to the movies tomorrow, my shout. There are no grandchildren. I have some who have left home and will spend Christmas at their ILs this year.

Feck off to the sun somewhere and have an alternative/extra gathering before or after 25.12. No presents only your presence please and that applies to everyone over 18.

Can you tell that's what we do? Bliss, and the gathering on the Sunday afternoon before we depart is great fun, relaxed and NO TURKEY!

Each to their own I suppose but years ago our families agreed on no gifts between adults, only for the younger children. I have to confess I broached the subject and not one person dissented. Relief was what I got from the reaction!

Ahh, a bit different if you all still live together then. Can totally see why buying loads off a list isn't your ideal when they are getting things from you year round! Maybe a list is still acceptable with some guidelines around budget/managing expectations?

I'd move to a food/activity focused day. We did board games for the first time in my family a few years ago and it went down well. My brothers are still with my parents and while I think they all want to have a lovely day, they don't have the same 'family getting together' vibe that happens when we are there too, because they all see each other all the time.

Hope you end up having a lovely Christmas however you decide to play it!