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Original poster

Would you find this odd- nephew wondered around at night

109 replies

Lking6795 · 29/09/2024 16:51

Bit random but my nephew is staying with us for a few weeks as his student house not yet ready. He’s in our loft bedroom at the moment.

We had our youngest daughter in with us the other night and she was pretty restless with a virus so I was awake a lot. I’m pretty sure at 1am or so I heard my nephew come down from loft room and stand on the landing and yawn wait for a bit and then I think go upstairs again?!

I asked him next morning if he got up in the night and said it was really late he seemed to know what I was talking about but said I must have heard him go to bed or that he was going down for his phone. But it wasn’t that as I didn’t hear the stair gate opening at all from the ground floor to the landing and it’s really noisy so I definitely would. He didn’t come down to use the loo as there’s an en suite in the loft room. I asked him if he’s a sleepwalker but he said no. So I guess he was just standing outside our doors?!

Since he’s been fine. I have three daughters 6,3 and 1. They all love spending time with him and always have. (He’s my brothers son and there’s a big age gap between me and my brother).

I don’t know if it’s strange and I’m right to be a bit freaked out or if it’s an over reaction?!
My husband didn’t hear anything and thinks I’m a bit crazy.

Should I be a bit wary or get over it? My nephew is a kind and lovely young man in general!

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 29/09/2024 19:15

If he was sleepwalking he may have been completely unaware

I was in my mid twenties before I discovered I sleep walk. My grandparents (who brought me up) and my siblings all knew and just never thought to mention it, I don't think they realised I didn't realise. It only came up when my ex mentioned it and I asked my family

WhichEllie · 29/09/2024 19:20

He probably just wanted something, or wanted to ask you something. He knew you were awake with the kid so he came down and hung around yawning occasionally hoping you’d pop your head out and ask if he needed something. When you didn’t, he gave up and went back upstairs.

Definitely weird to be so worked up and suspicious about it though. Maybe take it easy on the murder shows if they get to you to the point of making you suspect your own nephew. 😂

JumperStripes · 29/09/2024 19:23

At 1am I doubt he had even been to sleep, let alone was sleep walking. He probably got bored and went to see if anyone else was awake to chat with or to get some food and decided he would disturb you or changed his mind, then when he interpreted your questions as implying he had a sinister motive for daring for walk a few metres in the house he is living in, so denied it.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
leafybrew · 29/09/2024 19:27

Lking6795 · 29/09/2024 18:05

Glad you all think I’m crazy though I was just a bit “why is he standing there in the dark yawning” but maybe that’s normal teenage behaviour and I have it to come!

You are over reacting.

So what - he was standing there yawning in the night. Great Scott!!!

What are we all to do??

Let's have a panic and post on mumsnet....

MouseMama · 29/09/2024 19:33

I used to sleepwalk as a teenager which is not hugely uncommon. Unless he has a very clear recollection of doing it it could have been that. I didn’t realise I did it until I went to uni and my housemates told me as they’d often be up late!

liquidsquidli · 29/09/2024 19:34

I don't think you are over reacting !!! It's weird!

Isthisjustnormal · 29/09/2024 19:35

Teens have wierd sleep patterns and behave in ways that appear odd to fully grown adults. I can imagine the following options: heard your toddler, came down to see what was going on, all quiet so hung around a bit (probably with phone/TikTok in hand so no idea of time passing); thought about snack, spent 5 mins debating whether that was too rude to hosts, decided it was and gave up (as before prob with phone in hand googling ‘snacks night rules’; felt lonely, heard some noise so came down and hung around in case anyone else was awake and fancied a chat (probably whilst googling ‘teen lonely help’) ; wanted to find something, confused by stair gate in the dark (spent 10 mins googling quiet open stair gate) - or, sleepwalking and didn’t even realised he was there - teenagers often display erratic sleep patterns.

honestly op, clueless and vague is a natural teenage state, not one to worry about!

kaos2 · 29/09/2024 19:46

@Lking6795 the boys in the Netflix series didn't randomly kill their parents

Their parents abused them over many years

Original poster
Lking6795 · 29/09/2024 20:05

Isthisjustnormal · 29/09/2024 19:35

Teens have wierd sleep patterns and behave in ways that appear odd to fully grown adults. I can imagine the following options: heard your toddler, came down to see what was going on, all quiet so hung around a bit (probably with phone/TikTok in hand so no idea of time passing); thought about snack, spent 5 mins debating whether that was too rude to hosts, decided it was and gave up (as before prob with phone in hand googling ‘snacks night rules’; felt lonely, heard some noise so came down and hung around in case anyone else was awake and fancied a chat (probably whilst googling ‘teen lonely help’) ; wanted to find something, confused by stair gate in the dark (spent 10 mins googling quiet open stair gate) - or, sleepwalking and didn’t even realised he was there - teenagers often display erratic sleep patterns.

honestly op, clueless and vague is a natural teenage state, not one to worry about!

thanks for this and not to dwell but

  1. He said he went down to get his phone so assume that means he didn’t have it on him (though I know he didn’t go down because of the creaking stair gate!

  2. the toddler had been quiet for about 20 minutes so he wasn’t coming down to see if she was okay. He wouldn’t anyway and steers clear of the tears! I was still awake because it’s hard for me to get back down after one of the kids has woken me up. And he definitely wouldn’t be coming for a chat at 1am in the pitch dark when he knows toddler was in with us and gets up at 5am too so we go to bed at 10 anyway.

I also am not sure a sudden sleep walking issue would explain it given if he has one surely he or my brother would’ve mentioned it? Unless it’s a new thing!

I’m sure it was just a random thing but certainly weird hearing someone outside your door in the pitch dark for 10 minutes at 1am (and just a reminder I didn’t go out to him or the toddler might have woken up again)!

Anyway I guess we’ll never know but did and do find it odd!

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 29/09/2024 20:07

It sounds like he was still awake and came down to see if anyone else was, hence the yawning (so anyone awake would hear him and open their door). Or maybe he heard your DD and voices, thought something was happening so came down and stood there, then gave up when no-one came out after 10 minutes. Perhaps he assumed you were getting your DD a drink and snack and yourself a cup of tea so came down hoping to be offered food and drink?

It is weird though.

Ineedaholidayyyy · 29/09/2024 20:11

To me it sound like he has been sleepwalking. I would do this as a teen, but never remembered it. I used to walk into my parents room and just stand and stare at them apparently! Gave my mum a fright a fair few times , but like I said, never remember doing it.

AbraAbraCadabra · 29/09/2024 20:14

I suspect he was sleep walking too. That's why he doesn't remember.

Not sure why you might suspect something nefarious. He was yawning loudly enough for you to hear through a door. If someone was trying to be sneakily they wouldn't make a sound unless accidental. Did you never try to creep downstairs at night as a child, you were super silent and knew the creaky stair etc which you'd avoid. You wouldn't start yawning outside your parent's bedroom!

Staunchlystarling · 29/09/2024 20:14

Good grief why do you habe him stay when you behave like this, I often get up for a pee in the night and stand looking out the window on the landing , then go back to bed, maybe I’m considering doing my family in?

octoberpumpkin · 29/09/2024 20:37

my 17 year old sleep walks all the time. doesnt remember anything in the morning.

Trolleydolly123 · 29/09/2024 20:49

I think you are right to be alarmed/wondering and very very right to be cautious around safeguarding your young girls.
Most abuse happens within families or by people closest, nothing wrong with being cautious and sounds like your gut is telling you something.
I have 20 and 24 year olds and they dont or ever have sneak around at night so i disagree with everyone who calls this normal.
And he lied when you called him out on it, alarm bells for me.

Voloholoyolo · 29/09/2024 21:12

I'd be really concerned, the lying would make me extra concerned

Last year, my sister was going out with a really nice charming, good looking man. Hes now currently in prison for molesting his 2 cousins when he was a teenager and they were children.

boredwithfoodprob · 29/09/2024 21:22

I'd say he was probably on his phone but you didn't see it. My teenage son would definitely pace about a bit then standstill for ages just looking at his phone any time of day or night! They do exist on strange timeframes. My son accidentally stayed up until 4am the other day while at home, nothing social was happening. It was thank fully a weekend 😳

CherryValley5 · 29/09/2024 21:25

Lking6795 · 29/09/2024 18:03

The gate is right on the stairs if he’s stepped over it I’d have definitely heard him it’s about a 1 metre drop that other side onto the first stair!

He wasn’t wondering around per se just standing on the landing for 10 minutes yawning?! The landing light wasn’t on ano he was standing basically in complete darkness!
Obviously wouldn’t think it was odd if I’d heard him go downstairs and get a drink etc or something!

Show quote history

If you heard him and thought it was odd then why didn’t you go out to see for yourself? Concerns re waking toddler or not, it would’ve been the appropriate thing to do.

readysteadynono · 29/09/2024 21:25

Stichintime · 29/09/2024 18:00

Probably stepped over the gate, knowing it was noisy when opened.

This is what I do.
He was probably getting a snack, drink, charger, bag etc. You’re overthinking this.

readysteadynono · 29/09/2024 21:26

Or just staring at this phone in the dark 😂

NasiDagang · 29/09/2024 21:48

It sounds a bit weird! What was he doing in the dark?

HiveMindEchoChamber · 29/09/2024 21:56

Trolleydolly123 · 29/09/2024 20:49

I think you are right to be alarmed/wondering and very very right to be cautious around safeguarding your young girls.
Most abuse happens within families or by people closest, nothing wrong with being cautious and sounds like your gut is telling you something.
I have 20 and 24 year olds and they dont or ever have sneak around at night so i disagree with everyone who calls this normal.
And he lied when you called him out on it, alarm bells for me.

Edited

^^

The people on here having a go at you for questioning this clearly don't understand the need for vigilance.

CSA is far more common that most believe, and very often it's a family member who commits these crimes.

No harm in being curious and vigilant.

Original poster
Lking6795 · 29/09/2024 22:15

Mixed responses here.
He didn’t deny or not remember being up at 1am to be clear … he said he might have been going downstairs to get his phone. I think I said “it was pitch black as all the lights were off” he said he couldn’t remember. I thought the ‘might’ was odd and he didn’t go downstairs because the stair gate didn’t open (as I say easy to hear)! And you can’t step over it unless you want to break your neck going downstairs.
I think that’s what made it weird… the hearing him and then the odd response.

We won’t get to the bottom of it will we, we’ll never really know and not going to ask him again.

OP posts:
Trolleydolly123 · 29/09/2024 22:28

He was obviously lying to you, as he couldnt have gone downstairs, so wasnt getting his phone, maybe or otherwise. And 10 minutes skulking about is odd, not just a direct walk down and back up.

I would be on high alert from now on and have an open discussion in age appropriate way with the older kids re PANTS, and discuss with nephew ground rules for your home.

The responses on here playing this down....no surprise CSA is so rife.

3 small daughters and an adult male roaming outside their rooms at 1am with no credible reason is alarming as hell to me.

longtompot · 29/09/2024 22:49

I wonder if he was going to get something to eat, realised you were up, knew the gate was noisy so didn't want to risk waking your dd, and then didn't know what to do and felt caught in the act even though I'm sure you wouldn't mind him getting something to eat or drink during the night.