Class whatsapp, oversharing parent. Say something?

[Year6dramallama]

My son has just started yr 7, and there's a class whatsapp which is broadly useful for reminders of things like 'remember they need an apron' etc. It's also fairly drama free EXCEPT for one lady who keeps posting what I feel is unnecessary info about her son's needs. Things about his academic (lack of) ability, SEN issues, toilet pass requirements etc. It's not the SEN parents group, it's the form tutor group and the parents obviously don't know each other well.

My sons both have SEN so I do understand the importance of seeking support. But I know my sons would hate for me to disclose things to a whatsapp group of their friends parents, and realistically none of us know what other parents will say to their kids. This mum is clearly not thinking about his privacy at all. I was thinking of messaging her privately to gently suggest she consider what info she shares. If I do that am I massively overstepping? It really bothers me that I, and all these other parents, have this info that is so unnecessary.

Do you have a school sen coordinator or something you could point her to?

I would speak to the school about it and ask them to speak to her. Let them know she has clearly misunderstood the purpose of the WhatsApp group, and ask them to explain reasons why privacy, etc vitally important especially now kids their age, etc.

Thanks, yes she is in touch with the SENCO already, we get a blow by blow account of her interactions with school staff.

I'm reluctant to ask the school to get involved as it's not their role to police independent parents whatsapp groups and i think they probably have enough to do. But it might be the best way. I was just wondering whether to message her and say, hey just be a bit careful as you don't know who's saying what to their kids at home and your son .might not want all his friends to know these things. But yeah she might be quite pissed off with me. I have never met her so I guess it doesn't really matter if she doesn't like me. She is clearly struggling but the parents group is just not the right place for it. Hmmm, will think on it some more.

This may be her usual way of relating to others but it's fine to message her and say that perhaps this group isn't the place for it. I think it's really lovely that you are considering her child like this.

Oh could try speaking to her in person and and just say, “Hey, as one Senco parent to another… I know it’s really tough, but…. The what’sapp group is for this purpose only. I’m a bit concerned that you’ve got the wrong idea and I don’t want you to hear this from a less understanding mum.”

@Fraaahnces thanks - I'm very unlikely to meet her in person to be honest, kids make their own way to/from school and I am only there for parent meetings relating to my own kids. Haven't got a clue what she looks like.

Who set up the WA group? Maybe they cld have a word about sticking to reminders? Or change it so only one person can post and everything has to go through them?

She did quite a rant about the trials of SEN parenting on the group so I messaged her privately just to ask if she's OK and saying it was really tough being a SEN parent. No reply and she's not posted on the group either. Maybe she wasn't expecting to draw personal attention or I've offended her 🤷‍♂️

I really think you should leave her to it. It’s not up to you to police what she says no matter how you might feel for her child. I would hope the other parents wouldn’t pass on this info to their kids. If they do and then the kids use it in a mean way then I would expect the school to step in.

Is there a class rep for your form? I’m a yr 7 class rep and “police” the class WhatsApp for stuff that’s not on point. If no rep then maybe just leave it since she didn’t respond to your other message.

I do understand your concern and I get it - but I’m gradually learning there are parents out there who have such a different world view I will never get on the same page as them

Yeah I know, that's what I keep reminding myself. It's just really annoyed me to be honest, every single time someone posts in the group she derails it with a very personal rant and it's making the group less useful. Certainly I don't want to ask anything there for fear of triggering something. And my kids would be mortified if I shared that kind of stuff with a huge group of school parents. I know it's not my business but it's so inappropriate and I want to stay in the group as it's useful, but I find it really aggravating. I probably just need to step away myself.

I agree with this.

Not sure why a parents group is necessary for Y7? Personally I would leave the group if it is bothering you. Kids of secondary school age are more than old enough to remember what kit etc they need each day without prompting, plus the school send out any important information to parents.

Yeah I know. My son has ADHD and struggles with executive functioning so it's useful as a back up reminder for things he forgets. But not at the expense of my nerves. I will probably just leave the group.

No delicate conversations should be conducted by messaging, IMO.

I’ve always found it better to just lurk on these things, and have regretted it whenever I haven’t 😁. Reminders are useful. But I now mute school groups and only check from time to time. Ignore any dramas whatsoever.

Your intentions are so thoughtful, but information doesn’t normally translate into change if she’s already in this place.

That’s what I would have done. It sounds like she’s needing a bit of peer support. Odd that she didn’t reply though.

My suggestion would be to turn off notifications for the group but don’t leave entirely. My DS’s year group has a chat and I find it useful once or twice a year for info on special events or excursions and the rest of the time I ignore it.

Plenty of children will read the parents WhatsApp group chats. They are not private. If you want to be kind to her kids, you could tell her that. Otherwise I’d leave it.

Why would a child be monitoring their parent’s WhatsApp messages?

Can't you mute her?

I'm assuming the WhatsApp group was set up by parents? Some parents are going to use it to ask questions/ socialise. You can't police what everyone is saying on there as it's just an informal group parents use to remind each other of important days, homework etc. If it annoys you so much leave or mute the chat. I'm on two different ones and have never thought twice about someone asking a question on there.

I’d stay out of it.

Yeah I've muted it and am stepping away. Absolutely no issue with anyone asking questions. Just think that broadcasting details of your child's additional needs, anxieties, academic struggles etc to a large group of people you don't really know, all of whom are parents of kids your child is in a class with, is a bad idea. BUT I get where everyone here is coming from and I am going to keep my beak out of it! Like someone upthread said, no good comes of messaging about delicate things. And other parents have different world views and I need to accept that and ignore.

Totally agree, just let her do her own thing and you do yours.

Because it is about their class and they are secondary age. If you don’t want any of the kids to see it, don’t post it on a whole class chat.