Class whatsapp, oversharing parent. Say something?

[Year6dramallama]

My son has just started yr 7, and there's a class whatsapp which is broadly useful for reminders of things like 'remember they need an apron' etc. It's also fairly drama free EXCEPT for one lady who keeps posting what I feel is unnecessary info about her son's needs. Things about his academic (lack of) ability, SEN issues, toilet pass requirements etc. It's not the SEN parents group, it's the form tutor group and the parents obviously don't know each other well.

My sons both have SEN so I do understand the importance of seeking support. But I know my sons would hate for me to disclose things to a whatsapp group of their friends parents, and realistically none of us know what other parents will say to their kids. This mum is clearly not thinking about his privacy at all. I was thinking of messaging her privately to gently suggest she consider what info she shares. If I do that am I massively overstepping? It really bothers me that I, and all these other parents, have this info that is so unnecessary.

For some people, not for others. Everyone isn't the same and some would fare better and prefer not to be on the spot when having a delicate conversation.

Any normal parent does not allow their child to read their text messages. It’s a class WhatsApp for parents only. You are being ridiculous.

I’d stay out of it too.

Perhaps she too is SN and has an issue with social cues. Sending her a pm was a good idea. Hopefully she replies. If she does, you could gently signpost her to a more appropriate support group (maybe on Facebook or so) and tell her that it may not be a great idea to share some details about her child on the WhatsApp group due to privacy.

If she doesn't reply, you could still send her that the next time she overshares and see if she'll reply. If she still doesn't, you've done what you can.

Some people are chronic oversharers. That’s how they live their lives. Why message her telling her she’s wrong and she needs to change? Surely she’s an adult who understands full well what she’s doing.

Some chronic oversharers often don't realise they're oversharing. It can be helpful for them to know. The ones who aren't attention-seeking would pack it in immediately they know/are told because 'oversharing' is the last thing they intended to do.

Just ignore her posts and comments, don't read them and scroll on by! It's not your job to worry about her posting personal information - whoever is admin or started the group can intervene if they feel they need to. Just use the group to get the info you need.

I also agree OP that you can ignore her posts. You really don't need to do anything. My earlier post is based on if you really want to do something.

Her poor kid! Other kids will definitely hear about what is said in the group.

I would actually message her privately and just say you want to give her a heads up, but children seen messages in the group (not necessarily her messages) and you just want her to know it isn't private.

If she still chooses to deliberately humiliate her child then I guess that's up to her.

I'd assume that she doesn't realise that her son's toilet issues and academic struggles are going to get back to other kids and the kindest thing to do for both of them is to warn her. She might have additional needs herself.

This is what slightly worries me. It's clear from other things she's posted that she doesn't quite grasp that secondary school is very different from primary, in terms of size and scope amd supervision.

Maybe I'll say something if she continues. I don't know.

Urgh, we have one of these oversharers on a class WhatsApp. Absolutely no respect whatsoever for their child’s privacy.

It got better when someone approached her with some links to supportive information, eg SENDIAS and explained that if she needed support these sources were better because you don’t know if others aren’t sharing it with their children. I think you’re being thoughtful op, and putting the child at the heart of this.

She stopped sharing about her child, but recently asked if anyone knows the best way to get rid of piles 😬 At least that is her own info she is sharing.

Leave the group. We never had any groups at secondary, thank goodness

The thing is, things like this are implicitly understood. I cannot think of a single way she would have misunderstood the nature of the group if every other post is 'make sure you've got a blue pen' or whatever. Even if it was the sort of group parents are sharing these types of things about their kids - that would have been explicit from the get-go - you wouldn't just accidentally find yourself in a group of that sort of nature. So that's all to say, leave her to it. It will end once it has there's been some sort of embarrassing consequence.

Ditto!

Of it is difficult for SEN kids, I have one myself. Sometimes the parent becomes overly enmeshed to the point that their child’s disability becomes their entire identity. I can absolutely see how this happens, but it’s not healthy for the parent or the child in the long run. Missing cues like the purpose for this WhatsApp Group is one of them. It would be good if the school’s pastoral care team/guidance officer knew about this. Maybe they could help get the mum some counselling. I have a feeling they already know her issues with the school re her child’s toileting etc.

Could you do a general message on the group at a time she hadn't messaged recently and say something like "hi, just wanted to post a general reminder to everyone that we shouldn't share too many personal details about our kids on here as we don't all know each other and can't be sure where that information will end up. Not trying to be critical or single anyone out, just want to make sure we are as careful as possible protecting our kids details. Thanks all for the group though, I find it so useful for xyz, have a great week"

It's not your business. If the parents are of children in year 7 they will all have been on parent groups before and know the deal. She wants to share that's for her to choose, don't assume it's through nievity it's unlikely to be with children at that age.

Who died and made you group moderator?

It is a class WhatsApp about class stuff!

scenario 1
Conversation goes like this:

Parent: It is own clothes day tomorrow.
Child: No it isn’t.
Parent: That is what it says on the parent chat. Someone has posted the letter.
Child: Let me see.

Scenario 2
Parent: Katy’s mum is complaining yet again.
Child: Again? What has she said now?

etc.

They are hardly abnormal conversations. No one took a vow of secrecy. My DC’s friends all know what is on the class chats so there must be a lot of abnormal parents! The children that I teach also bring it up sometimes. I think most people assume that if you are posting it to a group of random adults then you aren’t too bothered who reads it.

WhatsApp groups are a bit unnecessary at secondary school so I would just leave it. Can't imagine what use the group would be after the first few weeks of Y7.

Do you? You do realize class WhatsApp group are private arrangements, not part of school?

OP - your poster will get bored eventually with no one engaging, just leave her be and mute the chat,

Sounds like the kind of person that does 'pm me hun.' Ignore.

I actually think it is is really helpful for children to feel that secondary is their space without a constant parental presence.

Just from the title about oversharing I wondered if this was going to be a ND parent and given the genetic link and two children with SEN, I know you haven’t said but that could be the reason behind it.

I would see if you can gently signpost her elsewhere or else send her a message to give her the heads up. However, if she then continues there isn’t much you can do.