Doesn’t anyone read these and feel so glad to be single/and or lesbian?

[RochX]

I mean? Don’t you? It’s mind boggling, oh I do every single thing there is to be done but I’m scared he’s cheating, or I do everything but I’m worried he’s being distant/his friends don’t like me/I’m not sexy enough. Doesn’t anyone read all this s* and think she’d be better off with a vibrator? So many of you are so scared to be alone it’s silly. Honestly try it!

The social conditioning women and girls are still subjected to that makes so many think they must put up with such utter shite and fuckwittery from worthless men makes me very sad indeed. Misogyny and patriarchy are alive and well. Many women thrive when they ditch the dead weight and throw the entire man away, but the path to freedom does not always run smoothly. Pre DH I left a controlling prick of a man, and it took several attempts to break free of his hoovering and the toll he took on my self esteem with his crap.

This is absolutely the reason I never ever gave up work, even when DC were little and it was bloody hard. Men are not to be trusted. I love DH and mostly he's grand, but I also know how men can have midlife crises and turn on a dime. I never ever wanted to feel like I couldn't leave because I couldn't be self sufficient if things didn't work out. But I understand not everyone has the earning capacity to have a safety net and going it alone isn't easy either. But sure I'd much rather be alone than stay with a cheating rat, or a bone idle, lazy, whiny twat like some of the husbands/fathers I've met over the years when I worked in child and adolescent MH services who don't pull their weight with their children and seem to resent their very existence as if they just popped out of thin air one day and they had nothing to do with it. Man babies are SO unattractive.

God I love your response! You completely get what I’m saying. Do you think it’s actually worth it to have one? Because I really don’t know, I’m single with 2 kids, and honestly I love being on my own. Would never be a stepdad situation but I keep being made to feel like I should have someone but honestly I don’t see any benefit to it whatsoever. I just feel so alien when I see these posts! I don’t get it X

People who are in happy relationships don’t post about them on Mumsnet.

“My DH has never cheated on me, does his fair share of domestic duties and he’s a great communicator” does not a great Mumsnet post make.

That said, on average, men are made happier my marriage, women less so.

I agree with that, I’m not basing this solely on mumsnet, just life in general. I really don’t know any financially independent women that are happier with a husband or partner - it’s another child in most cases. Even so, it is these posts I keep seeing that have made me post this, they’re shocking sometimes 🙈🙈

No, because Mumsnet is a parallel universe. I've never met the kind of men described here.

Really?

Yeah, I feel the same.

Not just from mumsnet, most of the men I've met IRL are terrible too. When I was younger and slimmer I used to get a fair bit of male attention (not a brag, I'm fat now so it's stopped!) and a lot of them I knew were in relationships.

Both my father and my stepfather cheated on my mum and my DS's father was abusive to me.

I don't think there aren't nice men out there, but I genuinely think the number is low.

After my personal experiences I'll never really trust any man. Happy being single!

So were your children immaculate conceptions? So men are good enough to have children with but that is as much as their use is?

To be fair, a turkey baster can do that job just as well as a man. So their sperm is needed if you want kids but their presence in your life is not.

Turkey baster's can't pay money though and what about what the children want? Or don't they count? Of course God help a child if they are male themselves of course labelled as soon as they are born

"I don't think there aren't nice men out there, but I genuinely think the number is low.

After my personal experiences I'll never really trust any man. Happy being single!"

My thoughts exactly, @Beezknees. The odds of meeting one who is partner material are low.
Plus I like the freedom. I don't have to consult anyone about what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go.

Hi. Nice to meet you. 😁 Now you know one.

I am also very vocal about women not choosing useless partners. I tell all the younger ones around me not to be pushovers and desperate and settle for useless partner just to settle. They do not need to. Useless usually shows very quickly.
I get it in older couples but women under 40 in our countries were not under pressures older women were to accept shite just to get married and not be embarrassment. We don't need to make our bed same way and keep enabling uselessness. From my experience of people around, that uselessness, repeated cheating, general bad behaviour (not abuse that's different kettle of fish) was enabled by everyone. It starts with grandpares, parents and continues with wifes.
If the world was lenient towards me being useless and/or cheat, I wouldn't probably bother to be a decent adult either (yea, I am lazy). Women get harsher judgments, we need to start judging men the same.

From my chats with people around, the best partners are those who lived alone for a bit. Added bonus if they lived in different country to family like many of my immigrant friends of both sexes did as well as DH and I.

And yes, we don't post much about our DHs. There used to be occasionally a thead popping out about good partners but it was called... What's the phrase? Tone death and such...

Lots of men don't pay child support and lots of kids have so-called fathers who never or hardly ever see them.
They generally don't do their fair share of childcare either.

The ideal is for boys to be raised not to be assholes, not that they should be labeled. Teaching them not to be assholes is pointless if their main example of manhood, their father, is an asshole.

Happily single here after decades with a selfish cheating one.
It is a big problem for society though if families split. Is this the new natural order when women have choices? I’d prefer women and men to be happier and for there to be fewer lonely people so what’s the answer? Men need to behave better but they can’t seem to.

I love very many men. I fancy men. We need men. Am just tired of being wary of being caught out again and I have my children and financial independence so that’s it for me. I’ve done my bit and it’s been hard.

I have DC of both sexes and when we talk about this stuff I encourage a bit of practicality and mindfulness in choosing a partner. Life is better in a stable relationship and I despair of the choices too many people are making before committing to make a baby. Yes many people are caught by surprise when their partner turns out to be a bad one but at least do the basics before starting a family.
The happiest people I know are in a strong marriage and the 2nd happiest are the single women.

TLDR. Having a man can be wonderful but it’s risky!

I feel a lot of men want the title "father" but not the work and investment in another being that comes with it. Even in couples who are together, it's rare to see a father genuinely do half of family life. Notice I said family life, not kids.

Some dads are amazing. They clearly love their kids and spending time with them, they pull their weight in the family home. If most dads were like that, it would be great.

The unfortunate reality is the 1950s expectation for men to earn money, come home to be waited on hand and foot and be hands off with the kids has persisted into current times.

The other side of that coin is women are now expected to work full time, be super mum ferrying kids to ridiculous amounts of activities, cook, clean and be sex goddesses. Women have scored a bum deal and are starting to realise just how little men positively contribute to their lives.

I agree.
There are good men out there, but not enough that I would risk it again.

Think it depends on the circles you move in. Pretty much all my friends and family have decent good men who pull their weight and are good fathers so not my reality at all.

I like being single...and childless especially as a single person. I read mumsnet and it sometimes horrifies me how women and children are treated/abandoned by men. A friend split with her husband and was amazed by the number of women who opened up to her about their cheating, financially and emotionally controlling men. Up to that point she thought they were in good/normal relationships. Not saying women can't be as bad BTW, but are women less forthcoming about their shit husbands or partners because of the judgement they get and less forgiving attitudes?

I was with someone for years he cheated repeatedly (yes I should have just dumped him earlier) but since he has married the ow and had kids he gets the best word in everyone's mouth, I am the social pariah. It still makes me angry at times. I get so much judgement from other women especially for being single and childless. Men just seem to get away with so much in society, if they're single they're a happy go lucky bachelor, no matter their age, whereas women are spinsters... if they spread their seed, they're a lad , if a woman has more than 4 she is a slag, etc etc. My ex was funny and it seems if you're funny you can be forgiven anything.

I never want another relationship with anyone again. I'm single and happy and don't need a man in my life to spoil that nor do I need to rely on a man for anything.

So many of you are so scared to be alone it’s silly. Honestly try it!

I used to be scared not to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship kind of defined me, gave me a role, if you like.

Like being a mum or my role at work

They all became huge parts of 'who I am'

However, no more.

Being single and not in any form of relationship is bloody lovely. And I'm never lonely nor do I ever feel I'm missing out in any way

After my marriage ended I found that the men that I dated wanted to marry me and or move in with me. They wanted someone to do what their ex wife and mother did for them (housework, cooking, life admin and sex, in no particular order 🤣)

I knew I didn't want to live with anyone or get married again so it gradually dawned on me that I'm not compatible with men of a similar age to me. And I found younger men very nice but a bit over exuberant for me!

Hence being happily single

I'm happily married to a nice man but like a pp said, I don't post about it as it's boring.

That's a little unfair.

I have a DS and I'm single. I dated my ds' dad for three years , there was no rush. I fell pregnant at 44 which was a shock, it certainly wasn't planned. We discussed a termination, I didn't trap him. We chose together to have DS and were happy (I thought)

But after DS was born, ex turned weird & controlling. It started while we were still at the maternity unit. Made us wait an extra two days to come home because he was 'busy'.

Once home, tried to control what I ate, what I wore, who I talked to, spent time with. I spent two years trying to persuade him to act normally. It got dangerous and we left. I've a career that makes me independent thank goodness.

Since then I've had one relationship, which I ended when the man concerned told me to 'get rid of DS half the time'. Two dates with a man who was far too interested in my finances.

I'd like an intimate relationship but the risks are too great. It's just too difficult. Honest decent men are so few and far between. For now, I'll stay single. We have a good life and our security, and ds' happiness are more important than my desire for a partner.

When I read press horror stories, I don't think men are all murderers or rapists. I know there are decent honest men but they are so few and far between. For now my priority is to keep DS safe until he is independent.

It’s far too simplistic.
How many women on here get together with someone and “accidentally” fall pregnant within weeks?
How many women put their man ahead of the children?
When a man cheats he does so with a woman.
It’s just not as simple as all men are bastards, all women are victims.
Plenty of men are bastards. But plenty of women are the creators of their own lives.

I agree completely OP, I’m a lesbian and I find myself hoping my daughters are too. Even the ‘decent’ men I know, I discover things like they just ‘can’t’ get up in the morning with the kids or some such nonsense. And one of the most decent or so I thought has just told his wife that he’ll have no choice but to have an affair if she doesn’t increase her libido somehow.

Yes, I don't even date any longer. I have zero interest in being in a relationship. I am very lucky however that I have a solid education and employment. Many women are trapped in their relationship by lacking one of the two (or potentially both).