Husband told a driver that he needed to get a hair transplant

[Elektrathon]

Hi all. I just wanted others' opinions on something my husband did earlier.

My husband and I were walking out of a hotel driveway in London. It was a bit unclear whether it was pedestrianised or not. A car came up behind us and hooted (not too loudly) a few times, because we were in the way - it gave us a shock. My husband knocked on his window as he drove past us, to show he was annoyed. The driver drove past us, then, when on the road, the driver rolled his window down and was gesturing to say 'What's the problem?'.

My husband then shouted across the road at him, 'you should get a hair transplant'.

I thought that a personal remark like this (since he was implying he was losing his hair) is unkind.

I would say that the driver had been unnecessarily impatient with us, and it would have been ok to criticise his hooting - but not his appearance.

I told my husband it was unkind and I was upset with him, but he doesn't think he did anything wrong, and he got annoyed at me for being critical.

What do others think?

@Staunchlystarling

There’s another thread where a woman lied about who she is for 18 months. Pretending to like tv shows she didn’t, that she liked staying up late, loved sex. All a lie. And many responses are it is the man’s fault not hers. She was just booting her best foot forward, meeting his expectations. She’s nothing like she’s lied she is.

and here we have a man possibly doing the same. And people pity the woman.

I pity both women.

The first appears to be so desperate to hang on to a man she will literally do anything, change her whole self to do so. Depressing.

OP has now discovered a violent and aggressive side to her husband, she should listen now and leave him.

I once got shouted at by a group of teens for not beeping at them as they walked down the middle of the road. Apparently I scared them by being stationary in my car in the road behind them.

I think what I've learned from my story and yours is to always run over pedestrians when they are in front of you, quietly waiting for them to notice you or alerting them to your presence just angers them.

Yuk. Horrible, nasty, I couldn’t be around that.

I think your husband is lucky that he wasn't subjected to a roadrage attack.
If someone knocked on my window to reprimand me it would make me furious. I wouldn't do anything because I'm a small woman but if I was a large man with a weapon he would have got it with both barrels!
Your husband is being grumpy about it because he can't admit that he was a complete dick!
(I do find it amusing that men are insulting each other about their lack of hair though🤣)

Do you think he got confused and meant to say brain instead of hair? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your husband needs to get better insults but it all sounds a bit of a non event to be honest 🤷‍♀️

If you aren't a one liner stand up you need a new career. Good work.

Crikey, that's one hell of a twist @Staunchlystarling

But no, an aggressive bullying male hiding that bit of himself from his fiancée, is not even remotely similar to a woman pretending to be someone she's not to please her man. One is hiding an ugly part of their character, one is not.

Ah, one of those.

Does he ever realise that you haven't ruined anything - he has, by his dickish behaviour in the first place. Bet the answer is no.

The purpose of a horn is to alert people to your presence. He used it correctly. Your husband was ambling down the middle of the road completely oblivious to anything going on around him, getting in the way of cars and when a driver beeped him to move, he got aggressive. What a Prince. I'd be giving him some home truths about his behaviour.

99 times out of 100 he will get away with this. Then there will be the time the other guy gets out of the car and gives him a beating.

My husband wrote me a note about this incident on the weekend. He said he was bothered by it. He said:

'you rebuked me for my instant reaction, which made me feel you were putting the driver's feelings above my own..... I need you to understand that when people behave badly, I believe it is important to stand up against it and I will always do that. I feel quite undermined when you don't support me'.

He also said I had ruined the day by rebuking him.

He said 'i will always express my views when I see someone, like the driver, behave badly'.

So I think he feels completely justified.

I have to say that note is quite disturbing.

Wow that note is all about him, isn’t it?

Nor should they. If a pedestrian is in the road then they have right of way - the scuttley run thing that women do gives me the rage. And then the little half wave to say "Thank you so much for not running me over, I'm forever grateful!" Like they think they don't have the right to even be there and must be subservient to the all-powerful motorists. Even worse when they do it with children, effectively teaching children to run across the road.

There is nothing in that note about you at all, about how it makes you feel and your opinion is there

are yiu planning children because his parenting is not going to be good

I think knocking on the driver's door was worse than the comment - it could have led to a nasty confrontation, even violence. It's macho road-rage type behaviour.

Bloody hell. Reading the OP I was thinking heat of the moment reaction, but of course your DH was wrong to knock on the car window and shout abuse at the driver. But the fact that your DH has reflected on the situation and still thinks he was right to do all that - Massive Red Flag.

I'd just give up the brief marriage as an embarrassing chapter of my life and take delight in divorcing this pathetic man.
The audacity of him knocking on a car window, his cringily lame attempt at a put down, and then admonishing you by note. Couldn't be less attractive.

Why on Earth couldn’t he have criticised the driver for being rude and his inappropriate use of the horn rather than make a spiteful remark on his appearance? Have you asked him? The driver was rude but your husband just sounds nasty. And the note and it’s weird arrogant tone as well…

I’m not even sure the driver did behave badly or use his horn inappropriately. If someone is bimbling about unaware in traffic then using the horn seems appropriate……you’re meant to use it to alert others that you’re there when necessary.

id have been annoyed over him knocking on the window, never mind the nasty comment. He’s lucky the driver didn’t get out the car and lamp him when he knocked on the window 🤷‍♀️

I think the comment was nasty and also quite an unintelligent comment. If he had to say something then stick to the topic and criticise him for horn honking, being impatient if that’s what he thought. But when you start throwing personal insults I would lose all respect.

the note he left you is awful as well. Why is he writing notes? Can he not talk to you? Why does he feel he has to be right? Sounds controlling and that he’s putting you back in your box. Silly woman, how dare you have an opinion never mind criticise him.

I'd be sorely tempted to write back 'when I see people behaving badly I believe it is important to stand up against it too', but I doubt that would lead to marital harmony.

Your DH made an unnecessary, spiteful comment. He looked bad and made you look bad by association. The weekend note seems to have been written by Chatgpt on pompous mode and I sincerely hope that isn't how he normally talks to you because it must be very wearing.

Wow.

Ltb.

Blimey, that note says it all OP. What a prick.

Oof. That note is terrible.