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Original poster

How did you find out...

52 replies

Curiosityaintgotmeyet · 22/09/2024 14:25

...they were cheating?

Just heard a tale where a cheater was caught out because of the cat sleeping on the warm car bonnet when he professed to have not been out (no clue if it's true, I was eavesdropping on the bus).

Got me to wondering...if you've been cheated on, how did you find out?

OP posts:
Isittoolatea · 22/09/2024 14:30

Curiosityaintgotmeyet · 22/09/2024 14:25

...they were cheating?

Just heard a tale where a cheater was caught out because of the cat sleeping on the warm car bonnet when he professed to have not been out (no clue if it's true, I was eavesdropping on the bus).

Got me to wondering...if you've been cheated on, how did you find out?

Oh where do I start…. Btw this is all with same (recently ex partner of 15 years )
Found viagra in his wardrobe with pills missing (he hasn’t touched me in 5 years )
Found box condoms with 3 missing
Caught him talking to girl on the phone in the shed
Was at pub once with him and his mate when introduced said ‘I thought X was your girlfriend’
Found him in uncompromising position with my sister

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/09/2024 14:32

I suspected he was, as elements of The Script were creeping in. So I confronted him as if I knew he was and he fell for it,..

Isittoolatea · 22/09/2024 14:32

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/09/2024 14:32

I suspected he was, as elements of The Script were creeping in. So I confronted him as if I knew he was and he fell for it,..

What’s ’the script’?

username4214 · 22/09/2024 14:34

Change of behaviour. He started getting irritable and argumentative over nothing and I had an intuitive feeling. He denied there was anything going on but eventually confessed. Took him a few months though.

GardenGuardian · 22/09/2024 14:40

I only found out long after the relationship ended - ex came home from working overseas and out of the blue told me his feelings had changed, and naively it had never crossed my mind that there was someone else.
Fast forward 2 years, I went to work in a different office for a few weeks (not one that he had ever worked at) and on a drunken night out with that team was exchanging break up stories with one of the guys. He recognised a couple of details, and worked out that he’d actually been working at the same place overseas as my ex at the time although not with him, and that while he’d been telling me how much he missed & loved me and couldn’t wait to see me again and spend the rest of our lives together, he was actually sleeping with a work colleague. Somewhere on the flight between leaving there and getting back here he must have chosen her as they did end up together, though that didn’t last either.
Wished I’d known much sooner, would have saved a lot of heartbreak over someone who didn’t deserve it.

mamajong · 22/09/2024 14:45

Found out my ex had cheated when the ow messaged me with the 'woman to woman' chat... I was just glad I knew and told her she was welcome to him and said I'm not angry I just feel sorry for her that she has so little self respect. Then I dumped him, blocked them both and moved on.

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

RamsayBoltonsConscience · 22/09/2024 14:48

He'd been an arsehole for a while and then I found his second phone. Went through it and had everything I needed to throw him out.

Jellycatspyjamas · 22/09/2024 14:52

Very well played @UpUpUpU 👏👏👏👏

Waiting4Autumm · 22/09/2024 14:58

Not my own story but a family member was getting her hair done and the woman next to her was talking about her new boyfriend and what he did for a job and where he worked. His job was pretty unique and there was only one of his role at the specific workplace,
And she knew straight away that it was her husband who was the woman beside hers new boyfriend...

Devastating fall out was awful

Original poster
Curiosityaintgotmeyet · 22/09/2024 15:01

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

I would also like to give you a high five!!

OP posts:
Isittoolatea · 22/09/2024 15:08

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

You are amazing!

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/09/2024 15:24

Wowsers @UpUpUpU, respect!

Nsky62 · 22/09/2024 15:51

Isittoolatea · 22/09/2024 15:08

You are amazing!

Show quote history

Great, what happened in the end?

Isittoolatea · 22/09/2024 15:57

Nsky62 · 22/09/2024 15:51

Great, what happened in the end?

Show quote history

What do you mean?

thursdaymurderclub · 22/09/2024 16:00

he was supposed to be on a night shift... and an emergency came up, rang his mobile and no answer... then i rang his work to be told he was't working that night!!

MrsJackRackam · 22/09/2024 16:10

His phone was still connected to his wireless headphones, which were next to me, he called her when he was leaving the house. Heard her answer with the kind of Hiiii!! you only give to certain people.

LadyLolaRuben · 22/09/2024 16:27

I arrived home from work and the dog jumped up on his lap, sighed and snuggled down with him. The dog only did that if he'd been left on his own all day. My ex said he'd been home all day while I was at work.

Then suspicious mobile phone activity. So I changed the number of "Ian" in his phone to mine. Next day my ex said goodbye to me as he was off to play golf. Thirty seconds later I got a text from him "really sorry xxx call me I'm on my way xxx". Everything he owned was at the front door 90 minutes later.

He lost his job and now stacks shelves in a supermarket.

HoppityBun · 22/09/2024 16:35

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

So do I 🙌

Cherrysoup · 22/09/2024 16:40

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

Blimey, utmost respect!

Burntout101 · 22/09/2024 16:44

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

Queen ! 👑

Mattsmum2 · 22/09/2024 16:44

He did a night shift. Was suspicious anyway. While he sleeped I checked his van, found another phone in there. Couldn’t get into it but photo of a women on his screen. We’ve been divorced 10 years.

ginasevern · 22/09/2024 16:53

Twenty six years into what I thought was a really happy marriage. I came home unexpectedly one afternoon. DH was working odd hours at the time and was home. He didn't hear me come in. I heard him talking on the phone. It sounds silly but I could tell it was a woman he was talking to by his tone, softer voice etc. I assumed it was a mutual colleague (only woman I could think that he'd be talking to). As I approached the living room and heard more of the conversation I realised it was not the colleague but a romantic/sexual call with someone called Libby. He still hadn't heard me but I heard enough to realise that life as I knew it was over. My knees gave way and I felt like throwing up. I had no idea. I was completely blindsided.

QueenofLouisiana · 22/09/2024 16:54

Not floor exciting: took his phone everywhere, hid it from view, mentionitus and the gut feeling you get after 25 years with someone.

He fell asleep holding his phone, I looked. Actually, I picked the wrong woman but I checked them all. There were the messages, all fantasies about if only they could get together away from work and her kids.

They hadn’t managed it but the betrayal was things like being on holiday with his family, whinging about what we were doing because (as I then found out) we were away from the wifi which allowed him to message her, realising that I’d chatted about things she was finding hard and sympathising, telling him to give her help and support at work.

I left the same night. He ended the relationship and had to tell his boss why he couldn’t continue in the role he’d had (broke company policy, he knew I’d never return). We are still together, working on our marriage.

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