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Original poster

How did you find out...

52 replies

Curiosityaintgotmeyet · 22/09/2024 14:25

...they were cheating?

Just heard a tale where a cheater was caught out because of the cat sleeping on the warm car bonnet when he professed to have not been out (no clue if it's true, I was eavesdropping on the bus).

Got me to wondering...if you've been cheated on, how did you find out?

OP posts:
beesmithwentworth · 22/09/2024 16:58

Now ex had started 'the script' (I only realised it was the script when it first f appeared on MN a few years later) and going out more frequently with his 'team' after work, grumpy etc but that didn't raise any concerns. We had a 1 year old DD, both working full time so I thought it was just us being knackered etc.

Then marketing card came through the door from Mr and Mrs Smith thanking him for us for our stay at X hotel.

I called the hotel asking what date 'we' had stayed there as I couldn't recall.

The date they gave was one when he was supposedly away with work in another country Biscuit

He brushed it off. Then I saw messages on his phone from 'Nick'

I then confronted him again and was told that my paranoia would break up our marriage 'if I wasn't careful'

Obviously it was someone from work - huge surprise.

Anyway it all came to a head and I asked him to move out (I then found out I was pregnant a week later but that's another story)

This was 15 years ago and he remains a complete bellend to this day.

Isittoolatea · 22/09/2024 17:00

beesmithwentworth · 22/09/2024 16:58

Now ex had started 'the script' (I only realised it was the script when it first f appeared on MN a few years later) and going out more frequently with his 'team' after work, grumpy etc but that didn't raise any concerns. We had a 1 year old DD, both working full time so I thought it was just us being knackered etc.

Then marketing card came through the door from Mr and Mrs Smith thanking him for us for our stay at X hotel.

I called the hotel asking what date 'we' had stayed there as I couldn't recall.

The date they gave was one when he was supposedly away with work in another country Biscuit

He brushed it off. Then I saw messages on his phone from 'Nick'

I then confronted him again and was told that my paranoia would break up our marriage 'if I wasn't careful'

Obviously it was someone from work - huge surprise.

Anyway it all came to a head and I asked him to move out (I then found out I was pregnant a week later but that's another story)

This was 15 years ago and he remains a complete bellend to this day.

Wow I’m so sorry 😔
Are you happy now?

MoveToParis · 22/09/2024 17:08

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

Well welcome to the Balls of Steel Club (Apple Synchronisation Version)!

The marriage was very unhappy and I suspected. He printed tickets/hotel bookings / and all sorts from his phone, but they synched to the family computer. I saw them before (another) one of his trips.
Then saw a few passwords were autofilled, guessed a few more.

His stuff was is temporary accommodation by the time he came back!

BananaSplitSandwich · 22/09/2024 17:09

When I was diagnosed with chlymidia…that was a giveaway 🙄

FlamingoFloss · 22/09/2024 17:11

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

You absolutely ROCK!!

diddl · 22/09/2024 17:23

Her husband phoned me.

tedlassoforprimeminister · 22/09/2024 17:26

BananaSplitSandwich · 22/09/2024 17:09

When I was diagnosed with chlymidia…that was a giveaway 🙄

Me too 😟

FGSChargethecarregularly · 22/09/2024 17:30

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 14:45

I was 5 weeks post natal with our baby and he had decided he needed a break (from doing absolutely nothing). He said he was going to visit his male friend in London for a couple of days. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but I didn't have much choice.

He left early and I got up with the baby and his iPad (which was always hidden away) was pinging away. It was a conversation between him and a woman I suspected he inappropriately spoke to, about him picking her up, around the corner from her house so her husband didn't see!

I was fuming but soon calmed down and decided to call him. As far as I am concerned, he is in his car alone, doing a 3.5 hour journey. Why wouldn't he want to chat to his partner for company? Well I dragged that conversation on for almost an hour. Talked about all the plans we were making (lol) then when I had had enough I wished him a safe journey, then said goodbye to him, and to her by name. The line went deathly silent. I ended on "dont expect to come back home" and then to her, "shall I tell your husband or are you?'.

My adrenaline was absolutely coursing through me at the time but when I look back now, I give myself a high five!

Have another high 5 from me! This is absolutely brilliant.

👍

WeAreWhereWeAre · 22/09/2024 17:55

After his first affair, he gave me his work Blackberry as ‘proof of his honesty’ (he’d previously cheated on me with someone he met through work).

One evening (the week I was due with DD3!) he said he was going out for a meal with his boss.

I think he thought I’d forgotten about the Blackberry. I hadn’t. Checked it and found all their emails to each other.

He left for the OW three months later.

tiredwoman123 · 22/09/2024 18:11

WeAreWhereWeAre · 22/09/2024 17:55

After his first affair, he gave me his work Blackberry as ‘proof of his honesty’ (he’d previously cheated on me with someone he met through work).

One evening (the week I was due with DD3!) he said he was going out for a meal with his boss.

I think he thought I’d forgotten about the Blackberry. I hadn’t. Checked it and found all their emails to each other.

He left for the OW three months later.

Did they stay together?

You had a newborn and 2 older dc?

What a bastard

Meadowfinch · 22/09/2024 18:19

I went to get an early morning pint of milk.Took ex' car because it was easiest to get out. His phone was lying on the front seat. A text came in from the other woman, a 'friend' of mine, dumping him.

I drove to the shop, seriously considered dumping his truck in the village pond. Then phoned a friend who guided me through the next few hours. By the time he came home from work, I and all my furniture/possessions had gone.

WeAreWhereWeAre · 22/09/2024 18:24

tiredwoman123 · 22/09/2024 18:11

Did they stay together?

You had a newborn and 2 older dc?

What a bastard

Show quote history

Yes they’re still together after 12yrs. She’s actually really nice and we now get on well.

The DDs were 14wks, 2 and 6 when he left.

She actually did me a favour - I went on to meet someone who truly adores me. My ExH always made me feel I wasn’t good enough for him.

WeAreWhereWeAre · 22/09/2024 18:26

@tiredwoman123 forgot to mention that he paid for their meal on our joint account.

121Diet · 22/09/2024 18:28

I stood behind him whilst he was using the payphone talking to her.

downthebackofthesettee · 22/09/2024 18:39

He told me. He had to, his girlfriend was pregnant and she wouldn't agree to have a termination.

ChocoChocoLatte · 22/09/2024 18:40

@UpUpUpU

Absolute legend 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

BabyR · 22/09/2024 18:51

My friend had Tinder. She saw his account on there and sent me a screenshot.

I sent it to him on his birthday.

Thevelvelletes · 22/09/2024 19:00

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/09/2024 15:24

Wowsers @UpUpUpU, respect!

Definitely the end of his.. having his cake and eating it.
Can you imagine his face at being nabbed and same goes for ow.
Well done upupup.

PashaMinaMio · 22/09/2024 19:08

We were a very mature couple. We never lived together but commuted regularly. Lived between our homes, it worked well, or so I thought.

We went through a rough patch but got back together. After that he would ask me to do a certain things in the bedroom which were helpful to him. What? Bit unusual given he’d always been vanilla in that department but it was something innocuous, made him happy, so I agreed.

A little while later he mentioned something post-menopausal women can suffer from. How would he know or be interested in that? My spider senses sharpened.

I was so adrenalised I checked his phone. I don’t care what anyone thinks, I had to do it.

There it all was. Laid out in text messages 17year old teens might write.
I also found a very very expensive hotel trip invoice he’d taken her away on when he’d told me it was a boys golfing trip.

We soldiered on for a bit but he’s history now. Hateful bastard.

tiredwoman123 · 22/09/2024 20:17

@WeAreWhereWeAre

I'm so glad.

Can you imagine the daily emotional turmoil knowing you are in a relationship with a serial cheater? I honestly couldn't take it.

Every time he went out I'd be wondering. What a weight.

boymum2020 · 22/09/2024 20:25

He was in a car crash with her. Denied everything ofc unfortunately they both survived but she fractured her spine and was in hospital for a while.

BlastedPimples · 22/09/2024 20:30

He was causing arguments over absolutely nothing. It was really skilful the way he did that.

He was edge-of-mattress clinging at night. Did not want to be anywhere near me.

He was unpleasant and hostile.

I just didn't twig. Didn't put two and two together until I read of similar behaviour on MN. Then I checked his phone. And there were the emails. A pair of lovesick teenagers. It was quite amusing at the same time as being devastating.

notatinydancer · 22/09/2024 20:56

BananaSplitSandwich · 22/09/2024 17:09

When I was diagnosed with chlymidia…that was a giveaway 🙄

Me too. Another disease though 🤢

RhaenysRocks · 22/09/2024 21:44

I had suspicions and checked his phone. Nothing dramatic really. The worst thing though was that I reacted instantly and he knew I knew. I wished I'd played it cool for a few days at least to get my head around things. He turned hostile literally instantly. Not easy with two very small children underfoot to just crack on like nothing is wrong.

UpUpUpU · 23/09/2024 19:23

Nsky62 · 22/09/2024 15:51

Great, what happened in the end?

Show quote history

There was a very long and shitty separation but 5 years on I am very happy. He denied it of course and asked how I knew. I got his iPad password out of his diary, which was on our desk, and screenshot everything (multiple women) he denied it 😂😂

We are amicable for our child but he treats me like I’m good these days 😂😂

I never did tell her partner but it was a nice bit of leverage. I dont think they lasted much longer afterwards. I would have LOVED to have been a fly on the wall in that car 😂😂